


Today Has Been A Lifetime

by AnJoanGrey



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek Into Darkness - Fandom, Star Trek The Wrath of Khan, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: (hopefully), A Joycean exercise, Ansible, BAMF! Khan, BAMF! Leonard McCoy, BAMF!Sarek of Vulcan, Bamf!Spock, Cold Fusion Device, Dominance/submission (non-sexual), Dominant!Spock, Genius!Jim, Genius!Scotty, Gravitational waves, Hurt! Spock, I dare you to find them, Jim is in love with Spock, Lots of scientific hints and facts, M/M, McCoy is in love with Spock, Nibiru, Ponn Farr, Reference to James Joyce's Ulysses, Scotty is in love with Spock, Spock has to choose a life partner, Spock loves only one of them, Spock's POV only, Star Trek Into Darkness, There will be Khan, There will be a happy ending, This is a Spones-centric fic, Unexpected ending (you have been warned), spones - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-22
Updated: 2016-08-14
Packaged: 2018-05-22 15:42:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 24
Words: 81,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6085401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnJoanGrey/pseuds/AnJoanGrey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Star Trek Into Darkness rewritten. The events unfold within a timeframe of 24 hours. The Enterprise Crew will face an active volcano, an angry Christopher Pike, a deceiving Admiral Marcus, a wrathful, vengeful Khan - and more.</p><p>The mission is complicated by Spock's Ponn Farr drawing close. Many love him, not daring to confess their love. James Kirk, Leonard McCoy, Montgomery Scott are among them. Spock, however, loves only one. At a loss of what to do, he will be tormented by uncertainty and heartache. </p><p>What I aim to portray in this story is the way Spock grows, the way he deals with emotions, with pain, uncertainties. The way he manages things when he is hurt. The intimate processes which take place in his mind when he makes choices, whether work-related or of a personal nature. I want to create a character that will not be schematic, but very much alive and as realistic as possible. If I am going to succeed or not, it is for you to decide. My love for details will be at times excruciating - but such is our life built, out of tiny things that shape who we are and determine our actions when faced with adversity.</p><p>Complete on August 14, 2016</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 5 AM

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Vidhi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vidhi/gifts).



 I am unwell.

We are sitting together in the Cafeteria – Captain Kirk, Doctor McCoy, Chief Engineer Montgomery Scott and myself. I am mostly silent – as all Vulcans are. My co-workers are noisy and they seem to have a really good time.

It is very early in the morning – 5 AM. All of us enjoy waking up at the ‘break of dawn’, even though there is no dawn in space – and each day we are having our breakfast and coffee together, before the Alpha shift begins.

Their thought patterns are easily perceptible, even without touching. Humans have always been fascinated by telepaths; my three friends are no exception. I am well aware that all of them are in love with me – each in his own way. Jim is unsettled; he hated me; then, he was my friend; now, after having spent 4.34 years in space near me, he wants more. 

Mr. Scott, or Scotty – as everyone calls him (I must confess, I could never call him 'Montgomery') - also hated me at the beginning. I had been harsh with him.  I even threatened him with Court Martial, as he had stubbornly refused to confess how he had managed to beam aboard the ship while at Warp, during our dangerous mission against the war criminal Nero. Later on, of course, I found out how he managed, and for two months I have studied his equation and tried to understand it. A genius. A mad genius, for what it takes. 

Leonard loves me with fury. I am the green-blooded, heartless computer (sometimes, hobgoblin) who will never understand feelings, not to mention reciprocating them. It is out of the question. I am a robot. Or so he thinks. 

None of them ever dared to confess their love for me. I believe they worry that such an act will destroy our friendship, our perfect harmony which we now enjoy – and they are right. Should I choose one of them, our ‘quartet’ would collapse; there would be two broken hearts. Jim pretends to court Leonard, who pretends to flirt back. 

Logically speaking, I have reasons to choose any of them. Scotty's scientific preoccupations and especially his submissive character would make him pleasant to live with – especially during Ponn Farr. Jim's trust, which I reciprocate, would also make him an eligible partner; not to mention, he is very attractive. Many are trying to woo the Captain with blue eyes. Last, but not least, Leonard's compassionate heart would balance so much my logical, sometimes too rigid attitude towards things and life.

Yes, logically – I have reasons to pick any of them.

But my heart as already chosen – and for some reason, it has shaken me to the core. 

My beloved Father, Sarek, has advised me to leave logic aside when it comes to choosing a life-partner – according to my Mother's wish. She had said that they too – did not listen to anyone, and bonded against all odds. 

Against all odds, there is only one I want. 

I will have him – perhaps.

Today. 

 

I do not know how – I wish I could just –  

"Are you going to eat that, Mr. Spock?" – Jim asks, making me refocus on reality, as he is looking at the bowl of fruit of which I barely ate a few slices of mango. 

I know he loves eating from my plate – he finds it intimate, as if we are sharing something of value. 

I push the bowl towards him, silently. He smiles, he blushes and he is adorable. He eats my food as if it were the best thing in the world, even though I know precisely he hates fruit. 

"Imagine that!" – Mr. Scott suddenly exclaims, hovering through the Science News of our main News portal which is updated each morning via ansible. "Today we celebrate 400 years since the detection of gravitational waves, provoked by the collision of two black holes. The Nobel prize had been awarded to the scientists who provided the first direct evidence of gravitational waves - "

"Good God, man", Leonard complains. "You are giving me a 5AM headache."

"I am positive you have a hypospray for that", Mr. Scott replies, on a somehow poisonous tone.

I take the padd from the young engineer's hand as if it were mine, and I continue reading. He loves when I use his things, especially without bothering to ask for his permission; after Jim, it is his turn to blush. I can almost hear his thoughts – _Take anything you want – I will give you anything and even more_ – I turn my head slowly towards him, and Montgomery Scott cannot withstand my gaze – he looks downwards, somehow suddenly aware that I had perceived his stream of thoughts.

Jim’s yeoman brings coffee for all of us.

Leonard promptly removes my coffee from the table and replaces it with English breakfast tea – the closest thing to Vulcan tea that can be found on the Enterprise.

“What are you doing, Doctor?” – I ask him, calmly.

“You are not allowed to drink coffee!!” – he snaps at me.

This is something new.

“Why?” – I ask.

“Because I say so!” – he adds, his cheeks starting to become slightly red – he is angry, and I am most certainly the cause.

“That is hardly an answer, Leonard” – I respond, using his given name, something which generally calms him down.

“Your heart-rate and adrenalin level are elevated!” – he says, flipping over his portable medical tricorder and scanning me all over.

“How did you know?” – this man never ceases to puzzle me.

“I scanned you earlier.”

Jim starts to laugh.

“That’s what you were doing under the table, Bones? Naughty-naughty!”

“Oh, knock it off, will ya? He is not feeling well.”

He is right – _well_ is the last thing I am. I sense waves of worry from everywhere around me, even though well masked under impressions of camaraderie and nonchalance – because, is it not so, Vulcans are seldom unwell.

“You are correct, Doctor”, I confirm – after all, it would not make any sense in pretending otherwise. “I am not feeling well; however, that does not give you the right to scan me without my permission, especially when we are not on duty.”

“You may not be on duty, hobgoblin, but I AM.”

I frown, and a heavy, uncomfortable silence descends among us. I take the padd from Scotty’s hands once more and I switch to the personnel duty roster, checking Leonard’s schedule. He is working _Alpha shift_ today, like all of us; the Alpha shift commences at 6 AM. My internal chronometer is not malfunctioning; I know what time it is; however, just to be sure…

“Computer, Time?”

“The Time is 0517 hours.”

“You are not on duty as of yet, Leonard. Your shift – “

“I am the CMO of this goddamned ship and I – “

“Hey, now don’t be rude”, Scotty snaps at him – it is the first time I see him upset, so I turn towards him to observe this most fascinating emotion – “you cannot say such words about the Enterprise! I will take them personally!”

The Doctor gives him a perplexed look.

“Huh?”

Jim decides it is better not to argue – instead, he looks at me with eyes filled with worry, compassion, love and other warm feelings. He gently places his hand on my arm – he often touches me, despite of knowing that Vulcans do not tolerate casual touching well – and immediately, a tsunami of thoughts rushes straight into my consciousness.

“Are you alright, Spock?” _Please don’t feel sick – cannot stand it – I love you – please, your wellbeing is more important than anything –_

I try to respond, and most importantly to remove his hand without offending him – I will only be touching my bondmate, whoever the person shall be – but the quarrel between Scotty and Leonard has by now escalated.

“I was trying to ascertain Spock’s state of health and you are taking offense because I am cursing your precious stupid ship??”

“Why do you have to – “

“Enough.” – I say, harshly, and all of them are suddenly silent and embarrassed – even Jim, who also instinctively defers to me when we are off-duty.

“Thanks.” – Leonard says, and wants to continue about my presumed illness.

“I said, enough” – I address to him in particular, as he thinks I am taking his side, while I am not doing that at all.

“Listen, you green-blo-“ – but my piercing look suddenly renders him silent.

He does not say any other words – he looks embarrassed and avoids looking into my eyes. I will have to deal with him later – sometimes his behaviour is truly intolerable. Near me, Scotty is fidgeting nervously with his fork.

_His time is near – please, God, let him choose me – please please – I will do anything – just –_

His thoughts are being broadcast to me with such a force, and they are so overwhelming at the moment, that I turn towards him; he gathers his courage and looks into my eyes. He swallows hard.

“Do you think I could talk to you for a moment? In private?” – he asks me softly.

Jim almost jumps off his seat when he hears such a strange proposition. Scotty has never made such requests of me before – it is highly unusual. Jim feels hurt; betrayed, maybe; threatened by Scotty, one of his closest friends.

I must speak to Scotty, yes. Of all of them, he is the most vulnerable at the moment – but I also know I must speak to all of them, to set things straight between us at an emotional level, so that we are able to function as a group, as colleagues – but most of all, as friends.

“Yes, I also wish to talk to you.”

We still had half an hour until the Alpha shift would start – enough time to discuss a few aspects with Scotty, and then to deal with Leonard, who was in such an emotional state that he could barely focus. All I picked from him was an endless stream of thoughts-words-impressions that needed an ample amount of energy to be deciphered. Normally, I would have undertaken such an effort in my meditation hours in the afternoon, but Leonard had a surgery scheduled at 0800 AM and could not let him like this, angry and upset and lacking the ability to concentrate.

“Follow me”, I tell Scotty and I stand up, heading towards Recreation Room IV, where we could talk without being disturbed and also without generating an ample amount of gossip – taking Scotty into my quarters, or going into his quarters for that matter – was simply impossible for me as a Vulcan, it would have represented a transgression against the rules I am living my life by and also a great disrespect towards Scotty. I would only be alone in my room with my bondmate. When the Time comes.

We sit down on two small couches, facing each other. Between us, there is a small coffee table, on which I place my communicator and my personal padd. Scotty is staring at the objects, not knowing how to start.

“Spock, I… um… I mean… I wanted to…” – he dares to say, but all of a sudden he grows silent, under the pressure of an overwhelming emotion.

“Speak” – I say, sternly, because I know he reacts well to the commanding undertones I am using, as if they would clear his mind momentarily.

“I know – I know your Time is upon you, and it will soon start. It is probably a matter of days.”

“Explain how you are aware of such an extraordinary piece of information” – I order him.

“Well…” – he begins, taking my communicator and playing with it – until I promptly take it off his hands. “Sorrysorry. Yes. Well, I studied Engineering at the Vulcan Science Academy for two years before enlisting in Starfleet and attending the standard courses of the Engineering Academy. During that time, I made a few good friends on Vulcan and I saw how they felt when the Time approached. It was… it was terrible… the increased body temperature, slightly trembling hands, plus what Leonard mentioned – your elevated heart-rate and adrenaline level…”

“You are correct”, I answer after a moment of thinking. There is no point in hiding it. “But there is more you wish to tell me, so please, go on.”

“Well, Spock… I know you will not go to Vu– I mean, to New Vulcan – and I also know you will not survive without assistance”.

He shuddered for a moment, as if imagining my death.

“That is correct” – I confirm him. “My survival would be unlikely.”

“I just wanted you to know that I am willing… and I would be ha… happy to assist you, if you need someone – I mean – you can count on me” – he finally manages to say.

His cheeks are red and his eyes blurry, as if struggling to keep the tears away.

“Scotty” – I say, kindly, barely resisting my own urge to take his hand. “Please, look into my eyes.”

He complies – not without difficulty – and I have never seen him so vulnerable.

“I thank you for your kind words and offer. It is… the most beautiful think someone has ever told me. I would have never thought I would be blessed with such friends. The Time is very taxing for Humans… and you ARE rather fragile; do you know what is expected of you?”

There is a glimmer of hope in his eyes – since I am asking the question, he presumes I might accept his proposal. To be honest, I do not know what to do.

“Submission” – he says, lowering his eyelids. “I am capable of it.”

“I know. I see it every moment. Listen, Scotty. I cannot say yes or no, right now. There are circumstances that prevent me from doing so – please do not ask me for explanations, for I cannot give them. But let me tell you this – I am gratified – no, I am happy to know that there is an alternative for me, other than death.”

_Death? Nono – I cannot let you die – please I will do anything, please God –_

“Scotty. Scotty. Please. I promise I will not die.”

His eyes widen and he looks at me with an expression of shock.

“You – you can read my thoughts?”

“Your thoughts are constantly being transmitted to me when we are in such close physical proximity. To put it simpler, yes. I can read your thoughts.”

He looks devastated.

“Then you _know_ ”, he murmurs, lost.

“I am aware of your feelings for me, Scotty, if that is what you are referring to.”

“Yes, that is what I am referring to.”

 An uncomfortable silence settles in – and for the first time in my life, I am at a loss of words. I think he expects me to say – _I love you_ , too, but those words have never been spoken by a Vulcan.

“If we were closer to New Vulcan” – he finally speaks – “would you have someone to help you?”

It is a very difficult question. Yes, I would… I would. And it would make everything so much simpler. I would not have to make such a decision, and break two other hearts. But I am far, far from home, and no one understands my pain.

“Affirmative” – I answer.

“Your… fiancée? Or wife?”

“No, nothing like that. I would be assisted by someone whom I should not have to bind to myself through the Vulcan marriage bond.”

“You don’t have to – I mean – just so that you know – you don’t have to give me the bond either… if you don’t want.”

“I Am Sorry?” – I ask, in pure shock.

“Yes – I mean… it is not that I don’t want it… I would be an idiot not to… but don’t want you to think it is for that that I want to assist you. You would not have any duties towards me afterwards.”

To accept being used, perhaps almost killed – and not to want a bond afterwards – that was a lot, even for a Human. What Scotty was offering me was much, much more than I thought it was possible.

I push my own emotions back, trying to control them – even though it is difficult. Ancient instincts are being revived inside me – I wish I could just claim him right there and then and enjoy that pure, blissful love and submission.

“Come on now…” – I whisper. We have 15 more minutes before our ship begins – and I have to deal with a very angry Leonard McCoy.”

He smiles.

“Perhaps you should bring a security team along…”

“That, Mr. Scott, is not an entirely bad idea.”

 

*

 

Leonard glares at me as I enter the Medbay. I still have time until the beginning of the Alpha shift, and so does he. He stands up as I make my way towards him, a gesture which could be interpreted as one of reverence and politeness, but as I know Leonard, it is only a gesture of aggression. 

"Hello again, Leonard."

"Why did you come here? Are you feeling sick? Do you perhaps need my assistance? I can call Geoffrey for you."

"Why would you call Geoffrey? It is you who are my Doctor."

"Not anymore" – he snaps at me – I am completely puzzled. "Since you have shown your lack of trust in me in such a blatant manner, I don't see why I would continue to be your doctor. It is clear that you do not give a shit about my opinion."

"Doctor..." – I begin, then I decide to rephrase. "Leonard. Please. Let us not fight in the middle of the MedBay. Could we talk in your office?"

"About what?" – he asks, and there are already quite a few members of the MedBay team who are staring at us.

I take a deep breath, I raise ample shields in my mind, stronger than those of the Enterprise ship, I take his arm – which I have never done before – and I head towards his office. He is so surprised by my gesture and – probably – my strong grip on his arm – that he allows me to drag him away. His perplexity is of short duration, though. As soon as we are alone, he pushes me away.

"What – do you think – you're doing, Mr. Spock? Dragging me away as if I were a doll?"

"Please Leonard, stop yelling."

"I am not yelling! – he yells at me – but the next moment, he starts to laugh, amused by his own words and reaction. "Fine, hobgoblin, wow. What do you want, now?"

"I wanted to apologize for earlier."

"You wanted to do _what_?"

This man always manages to completely exasperate me. 

"...to apologize" – I repeat – "for having given you the impression of mistrust. It is not true, and you do not need to assign a new doctor to me – especially Mr. M'Benga."

"What is wrong with Geoff? Has he said or done anything inappropriate?"

"No, nothing like that. But you are my doctor, and I would rather we did not change that."

My sudden declaration of loyalty seems to calm him momentarily – he forgets that I was not feeling well and that he wanted to scan me. I am relieved. 

He is momentarily speechless – and I do perceive an ample amount of emotions from him, mostly warm, compassionate and filled with affection – his anger is only apparent when it comes to myself – a way of hiding his own too strong emotions.

“I wanted –“

“So, Spock – “

Once more he starts laughing as we have spoken at the same time. I remain silent, so that he continues.

“What did Scotty want?”

“I am afraid I cannot answer this question, Leonard. It was a private matter.”

“Wow, so now we have secrets… I thought there were no secrets between us four.”

“I would also prefer things were this way; however, some things are private, without necessary being secrets.”

He gazes at me for a while with his warm hazel eyes.

“Okay… so… this is all… Anything else?”

“I would like to invite you to dinner, if you are amenable.”

He stares at me as if I had just said the most preposterous thing possible.

“Did you just – wait, did you just say what I think you said?”

“I have just invited you to dinner, Leonard” – I repeat, calmly. I must make amends for the way I have treated him.

“Fine. But we’ll dine in my quarters.” – he says, decidedly.

I shiver. This is not something I would do, and besides, given my current situation, it is also slightly dangerous. I fear being alone with someone – I do not know how my own mind, closer and closer to the Fever as it is, would react. What if I hurt him? I frown.

 “That is – unusual, Leonard…” – I begin.

“You know what?! Forget it! Forget I asked!”

“I would be honoured…” – I finally manage to answer.  “What time shall I come?”

“Forge- wait, what? You would? I mean, you are?”

He almost makes me smile.

“Come at 6”, he says after he recovers from the temporary perplexity.

“I will be there”, I acknowledge. “I do have one condition too, though, Leonard.”

“Wha’s that?” – he asks, looking at me dubiously.

“I ask that you allow me to meld with you now, for a few moments.”

“Why?”

“No questions asked. I will not intrude upon your thoughts.”

We have never melded before and he is curious, eager and nervous. He sits down on the couch, fidgeting and there a few drops of sweat on his forehead. He tries to calm his tumultuous thoughts, thinking that I will get a very bad impression of him upon perceiving such turmoil.

“Leonard… no. Do not do anything. I will not read anything in your mind. I just want to share something with you. Something of importance.”

“Yeah?” – he asks, just vaguely blushing. “Okay then… go on.”

I sit down near him and I extend one hand towards his face, aligning my fingers on the meld points. I find them easily; there is a tingling sensation upon my fingertips, and our minds connect smoothly. The contact is superficial; I can perceive his curiosity, mixed with his regard for me which he constantly wants to push away, as if he were afraid – and maybe he is – I am not sure, and I cannot investigate at the moment.

If I were to compare Leonard's mind with an exterior element, the only appropriate comparison would be that of a tempest: large, agitated, dangerous, unstoppable... For a moment, it nearly takes my breath away. I recollect myself, though. I am here for a reason. I sense him going still, under the sudden impact of the unfamiliar emotion - the alien presence in his own mind.  
I gather all my strength and I absorb his previous annoyance at me, his anger, replacing turbulence with calm, agitation with confidence, adding my trust and my regard to the best of my telepathic abilities. I feel his mind settling under the meld; his concentration increases, and I am now sure he will be able to focus on the surgery. Slowly, gradually and not without regret, I break the meld.  
His eyes are warm, vulnerable and sincere for a moment. He smiles. But the spell does not last for long...  
"Vulcan Voodoo... now come on, hobgoblin, I'm busy."  
I do not know why I am taken aback by his reaction. It is so difficult to reach out to Leonard, and for a moment I thought we had found a path, a means of communication.  
I stand up and straighten my blue science shirt. There is nothing else to be done here: I head towards the door.  
"Spock?" - he says, and I sense a very small amount of affection in his voice.  
"Yes, Doctor?"  
"...thanks."  
I cannot help but smile, something which I have probably never done in his presence. I leave before more words are spoken - because I have learnt the hard way, words are hurtful at times.

I make my way to the Bridge, there are 7.36 minutes until our shift commences. As I set foot in the turbolift, I meet Jim inside. He looks troubled and upset; he avoids looking at me.  
"Mr. Spock", he greets me, somewhat officially, although we did have breakfast together 52 minutes ago.  
"Jim" – I choose to address him on his given name as technically we are not on duty yet, and it is imperative that I find out the reason of his sorrow, which I can easily perceive, and which – I suppose – is related to, or caused by - me.  
Startled, he looks at me.  
"Jim, what is the matter? Have I done something to offend you?"  
"Noo, no. No. It's... really, it's nothing."  
I press a few buttons on the turbolift console and we stop between decks.  
"Jim, please."  
"It's just... I thought... I don't know. I don't know what I thought."  
"You must tell me what you thought, Jim, it is very important."  
"For who?"  
"For me", I say, on a softer and – I am well aware – a more vulnerable voice.  
"I never thought you would choose Scotty, that's all."  
"Jim, this is not what happened. I did not choose anyone."  
Hope kindles in his mind and reflects in his eyes.  
"So... you are not together?"  
I take a deep breath.  
"While my personal life is not something I enjoy discussing in the turbolift, Jim, let me tell you that Mr. Scott and I are not engaged in a romantic relationship."  
"You are not?" – he repeats.  
If I were Leonard, I would roll my eyes.  
"We Are Not", I also repeat myself, but if he asks me for the third time, I am not sure I will be able to control my emotions.  
"Cool!" – he says and he looks positively happy. "So, um... what are you doing tonight?  
This is strange, I think. All the three of them have started courting me, pretty much at the same time. It is probably because they intuitively perceive the proximity of my Time, their minds being attuned to mine because of the affection we all share. Each of them wants to be the one to assist me. This puts me in the impossible situation of choosing, even though I myself want only one person.

"I will be finishing my shift at 1600, after which I will supervise a delicate experiment in Science Laboratory Number 2. At 1800 I have a dinner invitation, the duration of which I cannot ascertain."

The colour of his face changes once more.

"I... see. Very well then, Mr. Spock. Enjoy your evening." – he says, punching the turbolift controls rather forcefully; moments after, we arrive on the Bridge.

"Why did you ask?"

"Well" – he said, glancing around to make sure no one could hear us - "I was – just - don't know... chess maybe?"

"With pleasure" – I say - "but I cannot give you a precise hour."

"Sure, sure, I understand. Let me know when your dinner with Scotty is done" – he answers and heads towards his chair where he sits down, without giving me the opportunity to explain that my dinner invitation did not come from Mr. Scott – but then again, I am not sure I should give so many explanations anyway – my current situation is complicated enough. 

Our shift will soon commence, but I make a mental note to use the first break to make a call to my Father and to ask for his advice. People believe that me and Sarek barely tolerate one another. While it is true that my Father did not always approve of my actions, we have a good relationship founded on mutual respect and affection. 

"Begin day watch!" – I hear Jim speaking, as the Alpha Shift Bridge crew are taking their stations. "Mr. Sulu, set a course for Planet Nibiru. Punch it."

 

  


	2. 6 AM

We are on our way to Planet Nibiru where we are to perform a brief planetary survey and collect data for analysis. Nibiru is a class M planet, inhabited by primitive, pre-Warp humanoids. I am fascinated by this planet's flora, as it is red instead of green, and I am hoping to be able to collect a few plant samples for further analysis. There is an entire saga of stories weaved around Nibiru. According to ancient Earth legends that perpetuated up to the 21st century, this planet was supposedly going to hit Earth at an unknown date, bringing about the Apocalypse. Many people believed this theory to be true, despite of it not being supported by any scientific facts.

"3 minutes to destination", Mr. Sulu reports. 

I use the remaining time to prepare all the necessary probes and sensors that we will be using to scan the planet surface, after which I take my place near the Captain's chair. 

We drop out of Warp and the red and blue planet appears on the screen. Everyone on the Bridge is quiet for a few seconds. The landscape is similar to Earth, and yet different, colourful and pleasant to the eye. 

"High orbit, Mr. Sulu" – the Captain orders. 

"Aye, Captain."

Jim turns his head to look at me for a second, his cheeks slightly colouring. 

"Quite beautiful, wouldn't you say, Mr. Spock?"

"Affirmative" – I answer.

Jim frowns and a cascade of thoughts is suddenly broadcast to me. He thinks I am the least "romantic" person ever, since I use such a dull language – how can I even say  _affirmative_  – do I even have any feelings?

If he only knew.

I decide to return to my station, as Jim's mind had suddenly become populated by images of him and me in the idyllic landscape beneath us. Walking through the red forest and holding hands. I shiver. I must concentrate upon my work, as my physical condition is rather precarious and will continue to degrade in the forthcoming hours. I remember Mr. Scott's words from one hour ago, his declaration of affection and disponibility, his willingness to assist me through my Time. The thought in itself is soothing.

"Launch a class one probe, Mr. Spock" – the Captain speaks.

I have already prepared it, so in 13 seconds the probe is launched and data starts to arrive. I focus on the current task, correlating the readings with those received by Mr. Sulu.  It is fascinating! The planet is relatively young and quite active from a geological point of view. Population – 353.228 individuals, hunters and gatherers, living in timber treehouses and using primitive stone tools and weapons. Seismic activity is unusual. 

"Keptin, Mr. Spock" – the young Chekov speaks – "Sensors display low frequency earthquakes on coordinates 255.2482.21.2."

"Analysis, Mr. Spock.

"I am detecting pre-volcanic activity in the aforementioned area. It may be due to the fact that gases and magma are moving towards the surface of the crater located there."

"It's gonna erupt, right?" – Jim puts it simply.

"Affirmative" – both me and Chekov confirm.

"Life-signs around the volcano?"

I already _do not like_ this question – as I know very well Jim will do everything within his power to prevent any lives from being lost, which will result in an endless stream of problems.

"There is a structure at the base of the Volcano. 78 life-forms inside, registering as humanoids. Captain – "

"Keep a close eye on that Volcano, Mr. Spock. Kirk to MedBay – Dr. McCoy to the Bridge, please! Kirk to Engineering, Mr. Scott to the Bridge!"

"The seismic actiwity is increasing, Keptin" – Mr. Chekov reports. 

The Captain stands up from his chair and comes near me – he is agitated and fervent, and I know he has a plan – one that I will most certainly disapprove.

"Spock, how much time until the volcano erupts?"

I turn towards my console and I start calculating. The low frequency earthquakes have already evolved into continuous tremors, high-amplitude seismic signals caused by the extended flow of magma movement through cracks. There are also continuous occurrences of VT and LP/LF. Soon there will be explosions and falls of rocks.

"Approximatively 25 minutes" – I answer, while Scotty and Leonard arrive to the Bridge – Scotty instinctively stops near me.

For a brief moment, I look into his eyes. He lowers his eye-lids. This being is irrevocably mine, and the knowledge is heart-wrenching. 

Jim quickly briefs Scotty and Leonard on the situation.

"We need to beam down and lure those people in the temple away from there. When the Volcano erupts, that temple's gonna go first. They have no chance of survival.

"Captain" – I say, standing up – "even if we _lure_ them away, there is not enough time for them to reach minimum safety distance in due time. Magma flow will overtake them. 

Leonard pushes me away from the console and starts scanning the volcano area furiously. 

"Good God, man! There are children in there! Can't we beam them away, you know, _move them_? 

"Mr. Scott, can we move them?" – the Captain asks.

"But Captain – beaming them away from there will cause them extreme stress and confusion, not to mention it is against Starfleet regulations to expose them to –"

"Nevermind that. We gotta get them outta there. I'm beaming down."

Scotty had also moved towards a console and started to calculate a few parameters and to ascertain the atmospheric conditions. 

"Well, sorry to inform you but no one's beaming down. The atmosphere is highly ionized and there is also a strong planetary magnetic field" – Scotty explains – "there is no way anyone can re-materialize, and I cannae move these people awa' 'cause I cannae lock volume."

Jim is silent for a moment and he is pacing through the Bridge. I know that colossal mind; he is currently analysing all possibilities, and if there is someone who could find a solution, no matter how unorthodox, that is Jim Kirk – the person who never allowed a single life to be lost if he could do something about it. 

"We take a shuttle" – he says. "And land."

"Good plan" – Leonard comments on his usual grumpy tone, which makes me think that in fact he finds Jim's plan very bad. "And then we squeeze 78 people inside and take off. Good luck with that."

"We – uh... could stun them?" – Jim dares, cautiously moving farther away from Leonard.

"ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?" – Leonard yells at him. "Do you want to stun new-born and small children?"

"Rightrightrightright. No. Nonono. Bad idea. Suggestions?"

"How about not interferin'? – Scotty suggests, and I know that is the right thing to do – however, this is a solution Jim would never agree to.

"I have asked for a solution to save 78 lives" – Jim speaks on a sharp tone, and everyone on the Bridge grows silent. "For the love of God, there are _children_ there." – he continues.

"What about the cold fusion device which Mr. Spock has created?" – Scotty says.

I am really not pleased. The device is still in the experimental phase and I have never tested it. I have worked on this project for the last two years, mainly alone, sometimes asking for Mr. Scott's advice, but using such a complex device which has never been tested in a real-life situation (and not even in a simulated one) is a very hazardous idea.

"Cold Fusion Device?" – Jim says, pronouncing each word distinctively as if he was just having a revelation. 

"Captain, while the device is operational, it has never been tes-"

"An excellent idea! Here is the plan", Jim speaks excitedly. "We will land, and divide into two teams. Me and Bones will lure the natives out of the temple. Spock, you will take a shuttle once we are down, descend on the volcano crater, set up the device, return to the shuttle and then on to the Enterprise."

"Captain," – Mr. Sulu speaks first – "what do you mean by  _we will land_?"

"I mean, the Enterprise will land. Set a course to the planet's surface."

"Captain, I strongly object" – I say, going closer to him. "The Enterprise is large. We will be seen by the natives, which is strictly forbidden. Interfering in such a blatant manner in the natural development of the planet will have unpredictable consequences which may be destructive –"

"The ocean is 800 meters away from the temple. Mr. Sulu, you will land on the ocean floor, under water."

"Captain?" – he dares to ask, looking at him incredulously.

"You heard me!" – Jim snaps at him, and I am sure he is ready to push the young man away from the console and pilot the ship himself.

Luckily there is no need, for Mr. Sulu complies within the next seconds. 

Jim's eyes are bright, brilliant, and in his mind, the action-plan is complete.

He begins dispatching orders.

"Mr. Spock, go and get the device ready, as well as the thermal costume for the activity on the Volcano crater. Shuttle 1 will wait for you with Mr. Sulu at the helm, as soon as we are done landing, which is in 4 minutes."

"Aye, Captain" – I acknowledge – but for some reason I am unable to move – the enormity of his plan is almost impossible to grasp.

"Then I mean NOW, Commander." – he says, on a rather bitter tone, and I can feel his disappointment at not having my full support. Whether I approve of his plan or not, he is still the Captain and I must obey his orders to the best of my abilities.

As I head towards the turbolift, I can hear him dispatching instructions towards Pilot Sulu, Lt. Uhura, Ensign Chekov and he leaves Mr. Scott in command. I must say I am relieved to hear that. Mr. Scott is one of the most resourceful individuals on the ship – he can manage engines, transporter, piloting, science and weapons altogether, and that too, from a single console. 

 

“Computer, Time?” – I say as I step inside the shuttle. Mr. Sulu is not yet here, and by the turbulences I perceive, I know that the Enterprise is slowly being landed on the ocean floor. This has never been done before.

“The Time is 06:31 minutes.”

It is fascinating – so many things have happened in such a short period of time. Life-altering decisions have been taken by our Captain and so many things depend on what we will be able to accomplish in the near future. Most of all, 78 lives depend on us; whether it is ethical or not to interfere in the natural development of a planet’s history, it no longer matters. Jim sees me as cynical when I quote regulations and rules; but there is nothing that I value more than the sanctity of life.

“Spock.”

I am startled – I turn to see Leonard, standing behind me.

“Leonard. What is it?”

If things go wrong, I will never see Leonard again.

“How are you?”

“I am well. I was getting ready.”

“I don’t like this plan.”

“I am also not very fond of the idea, but I see no alternative.”

“How safe is the thermal costume? Will you be protected from the heat? And what about the cold fusion device? When it detonates, if you are in range, you will be shredded to pieces” – he says and shivers – as if imagining my death.

“The thermal costume is designed to support up to 2.400 degrees Celsius. It would be preferable that the shuttle lifts me up from the Volcano crater before the device detonates.”

“What if something happens?” – he asks, and he is unusually shy. He looks downwards.

“If something happens, Leonard, then I will die”, I answer.

“Logical hobgoblins are gonna be the death of me” – he mutters. “Be careful, alright? I am not in the mood of patching you up.”

If I know Leonard as well as I think I do, he has just made a profound declaration of affection to me.

“I will be careful” – I answer as I come closer to him.

He looks at me without speaking.

I long to meld with him again. I lift my hand, but instead of aligning my fingers on his face, I rearrange a rebel lock of hair on his forehead.

To my surprise, he places his hand over my wrist – in a gesture that is almost tender. As usual – his thoughts and emotions are rushing towards my consciousness, through the touch. Worry. Pain. Longing. Denial. Hatred. Hatred? Does Leonard hate me? Because I thought –

I frown and I try to read him better – as much as it is possible without a meld. He does not hate me. He hates himself. He should have said something to Jim, to convince him that sending me on the crater of a volcano ready to erupt is the worst idea ever. He should have done something. But he had to weigh in the lives of the 78 natives – among which, many children – and my life. And he hates himself for the choice.

“Leonard.”

He lets go of my hand with a brusque gesture and turns his back on me. He heads towards the shuttle door.

“Leonard. Stop.”

“What?” – he asks, without turning.

“There was nothing you or I could have said or done to change Jim’s mind. You know how he is. And despite everything. 78 lives ARE what really matters. So let us all do our best and accomplish our tasks successfully. Please be careful. I am really looking forward to our dinner date.”

“Yeah…” – he murmurs, absent-mindedly. “I… I’ll… see you.”

I will never understand why humans, instead of saying what is on their mind, what they want to say and what is really important, they prefer to hide behind a mask and speak platitudes. _I’ll see you_ instead of…

He leaves and I allow myself the luxury of looking at him departing, before going to the back of my shuttle and starting to dress in the thermal costume.

I set up a special communications device on my collar, so that I am aware at all times of everything which happens on the Bridge and also in the other team.

 

A heavy nudge lets me know that the Enterprise has landed. Minutes later, Lieutenant Uhura and Lieutenant Sulu arrive. Jim has sent Sulu with me as he is the best pilot in the entire Starfleet. If there is someone that can maintain the shuttle at a proper altitude above an erupting volcano, that is him. Lieutenant Uhura comes to the back of the shuttle and begins helping me with the remaining parts of the costume.

“Captain, I require that you keep your communicator open at all times so that we can synchronize our efforts and maintain contact” – I speak, after pushing a button on the comm system of the shuttle.

“Agreed” – Jim responds. He is thrilled – his plan does have chances of succeeding.

Our shuttle departs from the Enterprise, quickly advancing through the dark ocean water towards the surface. Once we reach the surface, Jim and Leonard, wearing disguises, are rushing towards the temple at the foot of the volcano, where the natives of the planet are blissfully unaware of the imminent danger. As soon as they are on their way, we take off and head towards the volcano crater. I have finished putting on all the elements of the thermal costume and I take a last look at the cold fusion device, making sure it is operational. 

The shuttle bounces and balances dangerously above the volcano and Lieutenant Sulu struggles to maintain a proper altitude. I can hear him cursing.

I switch on my secondary comm system to hear what Jim is doing. For now, all I can hear are unidentifiable noises. 

Minutes pass – we must wait for Jim to manage getting the natives out of the temple.

Somebody screams all of a sudden – I do not recognize the voice. I fear for Jim's life – but at the same time, I know he is the bravest, most resourceful and most reckless human being I know. When he has a plan, nothing can stand against him.

"Mr. Sulu, are we in position? Please make sure that we are out of the natives' sight. We must avoid being seen at all costs."

I hear him cursing again. It upsets me. He has a quick temper, but we are on duty, however. 

"Lieutenant. I have asked you a question." – I say on a slightly stricter tone.

"I am sorry, Commander. We are NOT in position. I am circling around the volcano crater. The heat is – the shuttle can't – oh, fuck."

The shuttle leans on one side, apparently to avoid collision with something.

<Scott to Shuttle One! Volcano's eruptin'! Be careful!> – I hear Mr. Scott in the comm system. <Mr. Spock, are you okay?>

Even from this distance, I can feel his worry.

"I am fine, Mr. Scott." – I manage to respond, after regaining my balance.

I hear a phaser shoot through the comm, followed by a heavy thud – the sound of something massive falling.

<Dammit, man, that was our ride! You just stunned our ride!> – I hear Leonard's irritated voice, snapping at Jim.

What  _ride_  was Leonard talking about? The unpredictability of humans is ever so astounding and tiresome. 

<Great...> – I hear Jim's voice. <Run, Bones, run!!!>

"Captain, what is going on there? Are you in danger? Mr. Scott, please monitor the Captain's vital signs!"

<What the hell did you steal?> – Leonard's voice interposes.

<I have no idea, but they were bowing to it! Kirk to Shuttle One, locals are out of the kill zone! You are clear. Repeat. Spock, get in there, drop off your super ice-cube, neutralize the volcano and let's get outta here!>

I raise one eyebrow at the unusual display of orders. The language becomes more and more colourful during this mission. Mr. Sulu adds his own fresh collection of curses to the Captain's discourse. 

"WE"VE GOT TO DO IT NOW!" – he yells from the nacelle. "I told the Captain this shuttle wasn't built for this kind of heat! This ash is killing our coils!"

Lieutenant Uhura is going to the nacelle and closes the glass door behind her. I attach the magnetic safety cord onto my costume and I am waiting for them to open the hatch so that I descend upon the volcano crater. 

I see Lieutenant Uhura turning towards me and looking at me with worried eyes. Everyone seems to think I am going to die in the next 93 seconds. They may be right.

"Just fucking' do it!" – I hear Sulu snapping at her – and she pulls the trigger which releases the hatch.

 

I am descending through a dark, thick smoke; rocks and magma are pushed upwards through the volcano crater. I am quite sure that if writers wanted to describe  _hell_ , they would get a pretty good idea of the correct imagery just by looking at the landscape beneath me. Good thing I am not a writer – because I am sure I never want to see something like this again, be it only in my own imagination. 

<I can't hold this position, fuck!> – I hear Lieutenant Sulu in the comm system. If these are to be the last moments of my life, I would rather not hear any more curse words, but there is no way my young co-worker will understand this.

I am being balanced back and forth and I cannot pick a good place to land, as the visibility is close to zero. 

<I am pulling him back up> – I hear Lieutenant Sulu.

"Negative. This is our only chance to save this species. If this volcano erupts, the planet dies." – I barely finish saying, when my safety cord suddenly breaks. 

I am falling.

For a moment, I see and I feel nothing. I imagine this is what death must be like – or at least, I hope so.

But then, I hit the ground – strangely and fortunately enough, I have fallen on a rock and not on floating magma. Gravity and my own body weight are not helping the matter either – I am injured in several places, but there is no time to think of this now. If I am here, I must act. It is the only logical thing to do. The cold fusion device is 4.23 meters away – I attempt to crawl in that direction. Without a cord, I know there is no way of returning to the shuttle – and therefore, to the Enterprise. I decide not to think of it anymore. My task is to detonate the device, which will stop the volcano eruption. There is more, much more than 78 lives at stake here. The ash resulting from the eruption would block the sun light for several years – nothing will survive. The planetary temperature would drop, the albedo would increase; plants and life forms would perish. I must complete my task.

<Spock! Spock!! Are you okay??> – I hear Jim's panicked voice.

"I am, surprisingly, alive. Stand by."

For a while, I hear only unidentifiable noises and a conglomeration of voices. I cannot concentrate upon them right now – I must continue advancing towards the device. At last, I am able to grab it and I start the process. 

<Spock? Spock?!> – at last I hear Jim.

"Yes, Captain." – I see no point in being emotional about the situation. 

<Are you alright? What are you doing?>

"I have activated the cold fusion device, Captain. When the countdown is complete, the reaction should render the volcano inert. Have you and Doctor McCoy safely returned aboard the Enterprise?"

<That's gonna render him inert!> – I hear Leonard snapping, and then other voices overlapping – _we gotta do something – oh god – you can't just – be silent if you can't say something constructive –_

 _<_ Scotty, get that damn transporter to function!!>

<Impossible> – I hear him saying, his voice broken with emotions. <We are too far and too underwater. Maybe if we had a direct line of sight...>

<Yeah, we'll go closer! Mr. Sulu, set a –>

"Captain. Stop." – I manage to say. His plan to save me is utterly surreal. "Our shuttle was concealed by the ash cloud, but the Enterprise is too large. It would be revealed to the indigenous species!"

<Shut up, Spock> – Leonard yells. <We're trying to save you dammit!>

"Doctor, the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few."

<We are talking about your life!!> – the Captain almost screams. I can feel his fear, despair and exasperation, even though we are far from each other. He is trying to find a solution to save me, he cannot be without me – _please, oh God, please – Spock – you can't die on me – I won't let you –_

I decide to shut down my own mind and to block the stream of violent emotions rushing towards me. I will not feel fear. I will not feel despair. I choose not to. These are my last moments. I will live them with dignity and with the knowledge that my life – and especially my death – they were not in vain. 

An eerie silence settles in the comm system – or maybe the device melted down. More and more magma is pushed upwards through the volcano crater. I start feeling the heat, despite the ultra-protective material my thermal costume is made of. It overheats and burns my skin in several places. I shut down the physical sensations the best way I can. 

I find a comfortable position near the cold fusion device – the countdown is in progress. When it reaches 00:00:00, both the volcano eruption and myself will no longer be. The thought in itself is soothing.  

I will not die of the terrible fires of Ponn Farr – but in a burning volcano, having done something useful for a few beings. Having saved someone's life. 

I decide to  _look up_ – I will watch the sky, or better said – towards the sky, because the ash cloud conceals the beautiful green-coloured atmosphere of the planet Nibiru – towards the direction where my beloved Enterprise will fly soon – the Enterprise which is my home and my happiness. 

I choose not to be afraid.

I choose peace and tranquillity.

I breathe deeply.

I exhale.

My last couple of breaths. 

My beloved one, I will never see you again. I gather all my strength and even though he is not a telepath, I project all my thoughts of love towards him. I wish I could have transferred my _Katra_ but it is not possible. All that I am, all that I know – will be lost. 

I will now silence my thoughts – there will be no regret – it is illogical.

Silence. Silence. Silence. 

And then – suddenly – the familiar sensation of transporter sequence commencing. Shock and surprise accompany it – how could they?! Reality – including that of my own body – dematerializes, my mind also loses cohesion for a few moments – and soon afterwards, I see the familiar image of the transporter room and of my crew-mates rushing to see me. Astonishment prevents me from speaking for a few moments.

"SPOCK." – the Captain says – and he just stares at me with joy, relief and obvious contentment. "ARE YOU ALRIGHT?" – he screams at me. He can barely breathe. It looks as if he had been running on the halls of the Enterprise. Leonard is right beside him, also out of breath, and Scotty is at the transporter console. 

"Captain. You let the natives see our ship! You violated the Prime Directive!"

“He’s fine” – Leonard mutters, disappointed, but not surprised by my words.

I remain on the transporter pad, looking at each of them. Jim and Leonard look broken. Scotty avoids my gaze and instead, he erects a force-field around me and releases coolant, to cool off my thermal costume which has been exposed to extreme temperature – so that it can be removed. They all think I put no value on their efforts of saving my life. But while I put a great value and I am pleased to… _be alive_ , I do not think one should do anything to survive. Dignity and principles are also important. I have survived. Now I must see _at what cost._

 

 

_ _


	3. 7 AM

As soon as I was out of the thermal costume, which four technicians helped me remove, Leonard began dispatching orders towards the medical team that had meanwhile arrived. He scanned me himself and assessed the severity of the burns on my arms, forehead and other areas of my body. He knew I would abhor the idea of being taken to Medical Bay on a stretcher, as I could very well walk there by myself – so he took my arm, gently, and guided me there. 

He was not speaking at all, and I was doing a bad job at reading his emotions, even though he was touching me. It may have been either the fatigue, or the shock after my experiences in the previous hour – or, simply, my... condition was deteriorating. I had started feeling  _The Fires_ – a strange heat slowly overtaking me – the sensation being that of fever progressing.

"Up on the biobed" – he orders me, and I comply, since no one can "disobey" Leonard in the Medical Bay.

He removes my uniform and covers me with sterile surgical cloths. He puts on a mask and begins cleaning my burns and regenerating the damaged skin. 

I have a second-degree burn on my left arm. I flinch as the disinfectant comes in contact with the wound. 

"Hurts?" – Leonard asks. He is particularly brief in his speech, which is highly unusual for him.

"Affirmative."

He goes to prepare a hypospray which he carefully injects near the wound – it numbs the area.

"Don't worry. It is a mild anaesthetic created specifically for the Vulcan physiology. It will not affect your mind processes."

This is truly considerate of him.

"Thank you, Leonard. What is its provenience?"

"I made it myself."

Somehow, I am not surprised – Leonard is one of the most talented, most resourceful and brilliant doctors I have ever met. His professionalism is unmatched. 

"Thank you, Leonard..."

"Yeah, don't mention it."

He is not in the mood to talk to me – somehow, this upsets me. 

I close my eyes and decide to rest for a while. It is 7:18 minutes already – so much has happened already. I feel tired. 

"Spock."

I re-open my eyes. 

"Yes, Leonard..."

"You did some very scary shit down there."

"I am sorry?" – I ask, as much of the human slang still eludes me. 

"Down on the planet. You gave us quite a scare."

"Leonard, you must understand that I did not plan for my sustaining cord to break. I did not endanger my life on purpose."

"I know that."

"Then why are you so upset?" – I ask him as he is moving on to regenerate the burn on my forehead.

"Because!" – he finally snaps at me. "Because you refused to be saved!"

I take a deep breath – having this discussion now is simply draining me.

"I do not expect you to understand, Leonard. But I would be grateful if you – at least – tried."

"There is nothing to understand, Spock. For me, your life is more precious than the stupid rules."

"The Prime Directive – "

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. right, right" – he cuts me off. "The Prime Directive."

It is useless to attempt having a dialogue with him – there is way too much anger accumulated in his mind. 

"Your body temperature is elevated" – he says. "You are staying here for the next two hours."

"I need to be on the Bridge, Leonard. Surely my burns are not that severe and you have regenerated them already."

"You need to be where I say you need to be, Commander" – he stiffens as I have just challenged his authority as a doctor. 

I take one more deep breath.

"Leonard, you cannot control this Fever and you cannot lower the temperature of my body either."

"The hell I can't" – he replies, preparing an ample amount of hyposprays.

"Leonard. Stop."

"What?" – he once again snaps at me. 

"It is... it is related – it is a private matter."

"You do not have private matters with me, Spock, I am your doctor, dammit! And you must tell me, so that I know how to help you!"

"You cannot help me in this matter, Leonard."

"Try. Me." – he says, utterly hurt by the lack of trust I once again prove to have.

"My Time is upon me. It will soon commence."

He stares at me in disbelief for a few moments. 

"The Ponn Farr?" – he wants to clarify.

"Affirmative."

He remains silent for a while, weighing the possibilities in his mind.

"How much time?" – he finally asks, his voice only slightly trembling.

"It is a matter of hours. Probably tomorrow morning."

He pulls a chair and sits down near me, looking confused – almost defeated, and for a moment I can perceive the genuine, warm feelings he harbours in his mind, in his heart, outside the walls and masks that are usually guarding them.

"W... what will you do?"

"I do not know…" – I say, and I am being honest.

"Do you need to get to New Vulcan?"

"That will be helpful if the only person which is able to help me would be there. But that person is currently engaged somewhere else and cannot meet me in time."

"Who's that?"

"I cannot convey you that, Leonard... forgive me."

"But is it someone like... your wife?"

"No." – I answer, simply. "I am no married or bonded to someone, Leonard."

He almost looks relieved. But one second after, worry overcomes him again.

"But without a partner, you will die."

"It is not always the case, but yes, in my particular situation, death is a strong possibility. I am a young adult and so far I managed to go through the Time by meditating intensely; however... now..."

"You need a – a.... girlfriend, right?"

This discussion becomes more and more embarrassing. 

"Vulcans do not have  _girlfriends_  or  _boyfriends_ , Leonard... when they choose a partner, it is forever."

"And you can't choose that fast, is that it?"

"It is... complicated."

"Rumours say you already picked... Scotty."

"I cannot comment such  _rumours_ , Leonard." – I answer with regret, because I know he would have wanted to hear a  _no_ , or a  _yes_. But the truth is I have not chosen Scotty – I have merely acknowledged his proposal. 

"I see" – he stiffens. 

I really wish I could just tell him.

"Well then! When your body temperature goes beyond 40 degrees, I will release you from duty. I will monitor your vitals constantly. Meanwhile, you will stay here until 8 o'clock, so that the skin regeneration process is completed."

"Thank you, Doctor, I will."

He visibly flinches as I call him  _Doctor._ His ample inner-defences are once again up, not allowing any emotions leak out, and displaying only professionalism and annoyance. It saddens me, but there is no alternative for the moment. 

I see Jim coming inside, looking around disoriented and exchanging looks with Leonard for a moment. He looks tired, his hair is still wet and he has several small scratches and bruises – I suppose they are from when he ran through the jungle down on Nibiru.

"Captain" – I acknowledge his presence. 

"Commander" – he says politely. This is how I know he is very upset. It is rather easy to identify the reason. Me. Again.

It just occurs to me that I am unaware of what actually happened – did we manage to render the volcano eruption inert?

"The device has successfully detonated..." – Jim says, as if reading my mind. "Congratulations. You just saved the world."

"And the natives? Is everyone out of danger?"

"Everyone is safe and sound."

I am relieved to hear this. As Jim, I also cannot bear the thought that precious lives could be wasted – of course, he does think I am that kind of person who values rules and regulations much more than the sanctity of life. 

"How are you feeling?" – he asks me, on a slightly warmer tone. 

"Adequate. Doctor McCoy has regenerated all my wounds. I must remain here for another 42 minutes, however. I will join you on the Bridge after 8 AM..."

"Spock. Spock. Stop. You nearly died! Just... take it easy. We are on our way to Earth and we are not doing anything exciting until we reach destination. I can honestly manage everything on the Bridge."

"There is no need for you to worry, Jim... As it is true that I  _nearly_  died, I did not, however, and my wounds are not severe enough to keep me away from duty. I will join you on the Bridge shortly. It would be illogical to do otherwise."

"Don't you feel... I don't know...  _shaken_  by what happened?"

"It is certainly not the first time we are risking our lives, Jim. During this mission, both you and Leonard were in equal danger as far as I understand, as you were chased by the natives through the jungle..."

He exchanges looks with Leonard, which rolls his eyes in exasperation. 

"The truth is, Captain, we are risking our lives on a daily basis. But this is life in Starfleet and we have chosen it ourselves. I see no point in agonizing about the danger of dying. It could happen anytime, to any of us."

"That is a rather fatalistic attitude, Spock."

He comes closer to the bed and takes my hand. As usual, a torrent of thoughts rushes towards my mind – I close my eyes for a second to adjust my inner shields and filters – Jim's mind is the most erratic, albeit the brightest and most fascinating of them all.

"I could have never forgiven myself, had you died."

"Jim... I have not died."

Leonard cannot stand the discussion anymore and he takes Jim's arm, pulling him from me and taking him in a corner. 

I am watching them, although I should not. It is not my business that the Captain and the Chief Medical Officer of the ship are discussing with each other, and it is also not of my business that Leonard has one arm on Jim's arm. I should not care about such small gestures; however, I am surprised by the pain that traverses my mind. I do not recognize myself at times...

I must make efforts not to listen to what they are talking to, even though my Vulcan hearing, superior to that of humans, could easily pick up their whispers. I should not. Why am I so troubled?

I am in great need of meditation. The last time I was so troubled, was The Day that my planet was destroyed by the criminal Nero. Now I am faced with problems of a much different nature of course, but the heartache is similar. I love someone. That person is unaware of my feelings. And no matter whom I will choose as my mate, I will break two other hearts. And they are not just any hearts – they are the noble, sincere and loving hearts of my friends.

Leonard has one had on Jim's shoulder and they are discussing something vividly. I do hope that my condition will remain a secret... I would dislike for the entire ship to know. 

I decide to do something useful with my time and I sit up on the biobed, which quickly adjusts to the form of my body. 

My movements catch Leonard's attention and he returns near me to see what I need.

"Going somewhere, perhaps?" – he asks, on a menacing tone.

"Negative."

"Then?"

"Then what, Doctor?"

"What are you doing?"

His behaviour is utterly dreadful. He is for certain the most difficult person I have ever had the chance (or misfortune) of dealing with.

"I was attempting to find a more comfortable position, Leonard. Is it against regulations?" – I say on an irritated tone. 

He blushes and turns his back on me. I can feel his embarrassment and regret – however, he does not say anything. Instead, he gazes at the door, and as I turn my head into that direction, I see Scotty standing, shy, casting glances at Leonard and at me.

I sense Leonard's mood darken even more. He is jealous of Scotty, angry to see him here – what a terrible thing – to see four friends falling apart like this – us, who were more united than the members of a family...

“What the hell are you doing here? You are also sick?” – Leonard almost yells.

Scotty is so shocked by such hostility, that for a moment he cannot even react. He looks at me, hesitatingly.

"Well don't just stand there, go to him" – Leonard snaps at him again and I see Scotty flinching once more as a result of his tone.

I resolve to set things straight with Leonard.

Scotty approaches my bed, taking small steps and looking into my eyes for approval. I nod towards him – the truth is, his behaviour towards me is truly impeccable. I have nothing to reproach to him and his presence, be it only for this reason alone, is so soothing...

"I came to see how y'er feelin'..." – he murmurs, his Scottish accent very pronounced.

"I am adequate, Scotty. Thank you for coming to see me."

"I was... we were very afraid."

"I know. I know..." – I answer and I resist the urge of taking his small hand into mine, to offer him at least  _some_  comfort.

"You were havin' skin burns?"

"A little, yes. But Leonard has regenerated them."

"I see he's bitchy, is it because of me?"

"I... believe so" – I answer hesitatingly. 

"Why?"

"I believe he thinks we are in an intimate relationship and he is... well... not pleased."

"Why?"

He asks all the difficult questions. However, I cannot be indiscrete.

"Scotty, I am sure he has his reasons. However, I cannot discuss such things. If you want, you can ask him, although, given his current mood, I do not believe it is a very good idea."

"Forgive me, you are right" – he says, looking downwards. "So... how are you feelin'... you know... concerning... the... the... problem?"

"The Fever progressively increases; however, I will be fully functional for at least 18 hours – I am hoping more."

"Is there something... anything I can do, to make you feel better? More comfortable, dunno?"

"Actually, could you bring me my padd?"

"Sure" – he answers with a beautiful smile, pleased that he could do something for me. 

"It's on the –"

"I know where it is" – he says and storms out of the Medical Bay.

Why am I not surprised? Scotty can hack into or track any electronic device, so locating my padd should be a very easy task. I remember how he managed to beam aboard the Enterprise while at Warp – the work of a true genius – an action which rewrote the transport theories and made history. But then again, mainly any device invented or patented – or sometimes merely enhanced by Scotty – _makes history_. I surprise myself smiling as I think of him.

If I calculate correctly, he needs 3.32 minutes to arrive to the Bridge, collect my padd from Science Station one, then he will need another 3.32 minutes to return here, provided he is not delayed by anyone or any impromptu activity. That gives me approximatively 8 minutes to set a few things straight with Jim and Leonard.

“Leonard. James” – I call them.

Both of them are startled and tense visibly as they turn their heads towards me.

“Yeah?” – Leonard asks, as Jim seems nervous all of a sudden. I have noticed he becomes nervous every time I am calling him _James_. I wonder why – for I really love his name.

“Please, I would like to talk to you. To both of you.”

They come closer to me and Leonard pulls a curtain around the bed, so that we can have a bit of privacy – the Medical Bay is as crowded and busy as any other day.

“What is it, Spock?” – Jim asks, thoroughly avoiding by gaze.

“I have noticed that both of you are referring to Scotty in a manner which does not do you honour. You snap at him without reason and treat him as if he were… a rival.”

Jim turns a deep shade of red. Leonard curses me – and Scotty – in his mind.

“I think you are imagining things, Spock. It must be from the volcano – it is affecting you more than I thought.” – Leonard says impertinently.

A sharp look from me makes him blush as well.

“Am I imagining them, really? Did you not just yell at him earlier when he came to see me?”

“I might have, yeah. I am sorry. I promise not to yell at your boyfriend anymore.”

I cannot even express how angry Leonard makes me.

“Doctor” – I decide to switch to a more formal discussion – “Mr. Scott is not my boyfriend – and he is not your rival” – I add, looking straight into his eyes. Then I turn my head towards Jim. “Nor yours, Jim.”

“We – we…” – Jim stutters, but without continuing. He stares at his own boots for a moment, trying to recollect himself. “People say Scotty is your boyfriend.”

“Captain, I am Vulcan. If I were to enter a romantic relationship with someone, unlike humans, I would log it and you would be informed. I do not have secret relationships, nor casual ones. When – and if – I will choose a partner, it will be forever. Now I ask you both to stop treating him so miserably. He is our colleague and friend!”

Leonard is overwhelmed by guilt, Jim – by hope. He is looking forward to our chess game – I feel certain intentions forming in his consciousness.

“Look, I really don’t have time for all this romantic nonsense” – Leonard speaks. Sleep with whoever the hell you want, I don’t wanna hear such stuff. Relationships are not my thing. Oh by the way, I will not make it to that lunch. I am busy.” – he says, and pulls the curtain apart, heading towards the Operating Theatre.

To my complete astonishment, I see Scotty standing right there, having returned with my padd much earlier than I would have anticipated. He must have heard the entire discussion – I can only imagine what echoes it must have left in his delicate heart.

Of one thing I am sure, things ARE getting worse and worse for me.

“I am needed on the Bridge” – Jim says, after which he leaves, not even once looking towards Scotty.

The young engineer looks devastated. He bites his lips, which are pale – and he gives me my pad – his hand is trembling. I grab him by his wrist and pull him closer, taking the padd out of his hand and putting it aside.  He allows me to, without opposing any resistance.

He looks so sad, and so in love, that I almost fear for his life.

“I am sorry.” – I tell him.

“You don’t need to be sorry for not loving me, Spock. I understand. I am nothing like Jim or – or –“

“That is not what I am sorry for.”

“Then wha’?”

“I am sorry for having made you hear such words, spoken by our two friends. Those were words that should not have been spoken. I do not know what is happening to us. We were such a good team, and such good friends – almost like a family – and now, because of me, it is as if everything is falling apart.”

“I don’t necessarily think it is because of you, Spock. It… is just happening… and I am beginning to see the reason. But nevermind me… I am not important. Anyway. I must go back to Engineering. It has been a very difficult morning.”

He is right – a very difficult morning, and who knows what else expects us.

I still have my hand on his wrist – he does not pull his hand away by himself. Such small gestures, but which mean a lot. He truly knows what a Vulcan needs, and he is giving me everything that I am allowing him to give, every moment, impeccably. Any Vulcan would be lucky and happy to have such a bondmate. I am hyper-aware of everything, and it even scares me. It is almost obsessive. But the truth is, the behaviour of my three friends – so different from one case to the other – has deeply troubled me. No matter what I do, no matter what I say, I cannot convince them that I have yet to choose a partner, and perhaps – who knows – I will not even do so. I do not know. I truly do not know what to do.

I wish I could talk to my Father. Even though our minds are connected by a very strong bond and he is aware of my emotions at all times, he is not also aware of my thoughts (or at least, I believe he is not – as recent events made me realize that nothing is impossible for Sarek of Vulcan). He may know I am troubled; but he does not know why. I would highly benefit from his advice as well as from his presence, but I cannot bother him right now. Besides, I must really start writing my report concerning the Nibiru mission. It will provide a valuable perspective to Jim’s report, which will be most certainly written with a lot of details as he is very thorough. After all, I am still on duty (even if in Medical Bay) and I am the First Officer of the ship – not to mention, the one who rendered the volcano inert – I should see to my duties.

I do not mind the meticulous amount of work – it keeps my mind occupied and prevents my thoughts from scattering and from revolving around the same painful issue – _I love him – I must tell him – I will lose him – I am so afraid_.

Yes, I am afraid. I am terrified I will lose the one I love and I see no way the loss can be prevented – even though logic tells me otherwise. When the Time closes in on a Vulcan, logic rarely helps – instinct takes over, the thoughts become erratic, confusion replaces reason. I must fight those sensations as much as I can –

“May I go now?” – Scotty murmurs – as I am still holding his hand.

A perfectly formulated request.

“I apologize. Of course… Thank you for bringing me my padd…” – I say. I let go of his wrist. “In fact, Scotty… thank you for everything.”

“Don’t mention it…” – he murmurs, and he leaves.

I look at his departing silhouette for a few moments – after which I flip my padd open. It is time to do something constructive.

 


	4. 8 AM

We are now approaching Earth and I decide to take advantage on the good communications and to send my report concerning the Nibiru mission to Starfleet. I am sure the Captain would be pleased as we often send our reports more or less at the same time. It is also good for Starfleet as they can compare our notes and perspectives on the same subject.  
I am still in the Medical Bay, but as Leonard prepares for his scheduled surgery, I will soon retrieve my discharge order and resume my duty. Strange how Leonard did manage not to postpone his surgery after all that has happened – but then again, it would be unlike him to do so. His work always comes first, despite of being tired, angry or upset. My only regret is that our meld, from 2.13 hours ago, is no longer effective. He is once more "mad at me" as humans put it. It brings me such sorrow – but then again, it is not something new.

Leonard stops by my biobed before entering the Operating Theatre and throws a padd on my chest. Every other gesture must be aggressive...  
"Your discharge order, Commander" – he says with bitterness.  
"Thank you, Leonard. Do well in surgery."  
He raises an eyebrow.  
"You know I have a surgery?"  
"Of course I do, Leonard. I know all your schedule" – I answer calmly, while starting to dress. "And I very much regret you removed our dinner date from it."  
"Why would you still wanna have dinner with me?" – he asks, genuinely puzzled, as if suddenly aware his outrageous behaviour would make even a saint change his mind.  
"Because we decided to have dinner together and we should very much respect our own plans. Friends do not cancel plans."  
He watches me in astonishment for a while, then he proceeds towards the Operating Theatre. He turns towards me when he is halfway there.  
"Spock."  
"Leonard?" – I respond, looking at him, and aware that half of the Medical Bay crew are also staring at us – after all, it is not every day that someone calls Leonard..."Leonard".  
"Jus' be there at 6. And don't be late. I hate it when someone's late." – with those words, he disappears from my sight, and I do not even have the chance of telling him that Vulcans are never late... on second thought, that may have very well been a redundant piece of information.  
I finish putting on the fresh uniform that Scotty had brought me earlier – he is considerate onto the tiniest detail and simply guesses all my needs, not to mention he knows where everything is – and I make my way to the Bridge. I will not see Leonard for the next hour and Scotty is also in Engineering, fixing the damage done by the volcano ash to our systems. As usual, he prefers doing all the hard work himself.   
I will get to spend a little time with Jim on the Bridge until we reach Earth – several administrative issues must be sorted at Starfleet Headquarters when we arrive there.  
"Captain." – I say politely and I sit down at my station.  
For a moment, everyone on the Bridge is just staring at me. I am the person who descended in an active volcano, used a cold fusion device to render the eruption inert, nearly died, spent one hour in the Medical Bay and returned to duty. Most of them believe I am out of my mind, and Jim is the first. It may very well be so; I am tired of explaining to people how Vulcans really are.

"Isn't she gorgeous!" – Jim exclaims after a few moments, and it is such an unusual statement that I turn to see the object of his sudden admiration. To my astonishment, it is... planet Earth itself (why does the Captain refer to the planet by using the pronoun "she"?) – we are about to assume standard orbit and he is gazing at the view screen, mesmerized. 

"It is indeed a remarkable view, Captain", I acknowledge, and his eyes brighten.

Seeing Earth from space has always fascinated human beings; the image does have a certain effect upon me as well, given the fact that Earth is the only home I have left, after the destruction of my beloved Vulcan.

"We have a priority one message from Admiral Christopher Pike, Captain", Mr. Sulu announces.

"In my ready room" – the Captain requires, and heads that way. He turns towards me from the door – "Are you coming, Spock?"

I was not aware that he wanted my company, but I comply and I follow him to the ready room. Jim suddenly becomes shy as we are alone together.

"I wonder what Pike wants", he says, illogically, instead of turning on the viewer already so that we can listen to the actual transmission. I cross my arms behind my back and wait. Jim seems discouraged by my cold and professional demeanour and presses a few buttons on the console near him. Immediately after, the familiar face of our dear ex-captain, but actual friend and protector, Admiral Pike, appears on the screen.

"Admiral Pike, Sir! A pleasure to see you as always." – Jim greets him warmly. 

I just nod towards the screen.

"Kirk." – the Admiral says, and he looks upset. I start to worry. 

"Uh, yes?"

"As soon as your shuttle lands, you take Spock and report to my office at once. Am I clear?"

"Uhm... but what happened?" – he attempts to ascertain.

"Get here and we will talk. Pike out."

The transmission ends abruptly. I am positive it does no good to analyse the various reactions of people during a call, but I find myself rather baffled by the briefness of the transmission and by the sharpness of Admiral Pike's words. I make a huge effort in order not to start speculating.

"He looked upset..." – Jim says, sinking on the couch.

"Captain, he merely said he wishes to see us soon."

"I know him. He is pissed off. Whenever someone is monosyllabic like that, trouble follows."

"Monosyllabic?" – I frown. "While it is true that your name is composed of only one syllable..."

"Gah! Nevermind, Spock. Trying to explain to a Vulcan the meaning of monosyllabic... who am I kidding..." –  he mutters and I hardly find any logic in whatever he is trying to communicate.

He gives me a warm look and bites his upper lip. I try not to look affected by such obvious flirtation. 

"Our chess game is still on, tonight?"

"Affirmative, Captain. Will you be staying at your regular apartment at Starfleet hotel?"

"Yeah..."

"Then I will see you there after my dinner ends."

"Who's the lucky girl or guy?"

I take a deep breath. Does the indiscretion of humans never end? However, I cannot keep my dinner date with Leonard a secret, as Leonard would most likely tell him afterwards, and besides, people could see us, even though Leonard required me to dine with him in his apartment (which reminds me, I must find out where will he be staying).

"I will be having dinner with Leonard" – I finally say.

"You mean with our Leonard? With – with Bones?" – he asks incredulously.

"Affirmative."

"Just... wow. Dinner with Bones. Wow."

"Is something the matter?" – I ask, growing increasingly embarrassed by this discussion. It seems everyone is overly interested in my private life.

"No, it's just... you don't get along that well. It's surprising. You yell at each other a lot and – all of a sudden, you are having dinner."

"I do not recall having 'yelled' at Doctor McCoy, Captain. And apart from this, you do know that Vulcans do not yell."

"Sure they don't" – he says and tries to recollect himself. I can feel his jealousy at Leonard from two feet away. More problems for me...

"With your permission, Captain, I will go collect my things and prepare our shuttle for landing." – I decide to maintain the discussion on a colder and more official tone, at least from my behalf.

"Sure" – he says dreamily. 

While I am sure that 'permission granted' would have sounded much better, I decide against further comments and leave the ready room. There is nothing else to be done at Science Station for the moment; I collect my padd and head towards my quarters. We will be spending a few hours on Earth – or more, who knows – and I must take care of a few matters. After packing a few belongings in my bag – my communicator, padd, a book and personal hygiene items, along with a few clothes, I take the bag to the shuttle bay, I start the engine and get everything ready for flight. I still have 9 minutes until Jim arrives (and he is generally late) so I decide to go to Engineering to talk to Scotty about a few administrative issues.

I feel suddenly ashamed at the thought that just crossed my mind. Administrative issues? I will perhaps need Scotty's help during the Time – did I just think of him as of an item on my "to-do list"? I am outrageous. Leonard is right to be angry with me. Sometimes I can barely tolerate myself – and the present moment is such an example. 

I arrive in Engineering and I look around to locate Scotty – I do not need to look for long because he comes to me rather quickly, as soon as he sees me.

"Mr. Spock." – he says. "Is something the matter?"

"No, I... I wanted to tell you that I will go with the Captain to attend a meeting. I will remain on the planet's surface for the night. What are your plans?"

"I'm coming with you."

This is not exactly what I was expecting. 

"You cannot attend the respective meeting."

"Oh don't worry about that. I meant, I will be around."

" _Around?"_

"Close by, in case you need me."

I am simply overwhelmed by such devotion and by the perspective of harming him – in any way – if things go wrong – that I collapse on a chair. He comes closer to me and leans against a console.

"Spock... please... don't think about me. I said I wanted to help you _– if you need_ " – he adds, stressing the last three words. "I don’t want you to worry about anything. I am an alternative to you, I am well aware... not your first choice. But if you can't have the person you want, I don't want you to die" – he says softly.

I remain silent, because I cannot tell him. I cannot tell him who is the one I want. 

"I will send you a message later on your communicator..." – I murmur.

"Okay" – he says and he tries to appear cheerful. "And don't be so sad, really now. It is not the end of the world."

"I feel like I am using you" – I confess.

"So use me and be over with. I promised I will not have any demands afterwards. I am a man of honour. I will keep my word."

My communicator buzzes – a message from Jim, who is currently waiting for me in the shuttle. Strangely enough, he is punctual. 

I join him.

"I've been thinking" – Jim says, sitting down on the piloting chair – as he is the Captain, it is normal that he pilots the shuttle down. "I think we're gonna receive great news in fact."

"What makes you say that, Captain?" – I ask, as we exit the hangar and head towards Starfleet Headquarters.

"Why would he want to see us both on such a short notice? I think there's a surprise there, ready for us."

"You certainly know Admiral Pike better than I do. However, I do not see the point of speculating about the nature of the news we will be receiving, since we are going to find out in precisely 11 minutes."

"Vulcans, I swear", he mutters. He decides not to talk to me anymore and instead he uses the remaining time to place a call to his mother. I hear him saying "Hi, Mom!" – joyously and I decide to give him privacy – I go to the back and take my padd, browsing through Science News. After all, one must always do something useful with one's time. 

At 08:41 we enter Captain Pike’s office.

He does not stand up – not that the etiquette would necessarily require that – he is an Admiral, after all, and we are his subordinate officers – but he also still has trouble walking after the terrible ordeal of having been tortured by Nero (despite the extraordinary reconstructive surgery performed by Leonard and with the donation of bone marrow from Jim himself, who loves him dearly, as if he were his own father).

We both remove our hats. Jim’s hair is disordered – but even so he is very aesthetically pleasing.

“Admiral!” – Jim once again greets him warmly.

Strangely, the Admiral is just staring at us for a few moments, without saying anything, as if analysing our expressions – and perhaps he is doing just that. I decide to analyse him back. I notice he is getting older – which is only natural – but in a beautiful way.

“Uneventful…” – Admiral Pike finally says, giving Jim a piercing look.

“A…admiral?” – my Captain asks hesitatingly.

“It is the way you described the Nibiru survey in your Captain’s log and in your subsequent report to Starfleet – WHICH, by the way, was read by Admiral Marcus as well.”

Jim slightly blushes and he avoids his gaze.

“Yes, Sir, I did not want to waste your time going over unnecessary details…”

“So there was this volcano, tell me more about it, Kirk. Data says it was highly volatile. If it were to erupt, it would wipe out the life of the entire planet. Volcanic cloud, ash, radioactive rain, no sunshine for years. Toxic gases accumulating into the lower atmosphere which becomes unbreathable for the humanoid life forms currently living there.”

“Yeah… nasty stuff”, Jim says biting his lips.

I am quite certain that _nasty stuff_ is not a very scientific and accurate description of the planet – but yes, the Admiral was right in everything.

“I gather you don’t fancy the idea of this volcano erupting…” – Pike further taunts him.

“Let’s hope it doesn’t, sir.” – Jim says with hopeful eyes.

“Something tells me it won’t… or maybe _it_ _didn’t_ erupt because Mr. Spock detonated a cold fusion device inside it, in plain sight of a civilization that did not even invent the wheel yet!” – Pike raises his voice progressively and finally, not without effort, he stands up. He turns towards me. “That is pretty much how you described the whole thing, right, Spock?”

“Whoa’ now – you – you filed a report?!” – Jim asks me in complete, pure shock. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I incorrectly assumed that you would be truthful in your Captain’s log…” – I manage to respond. Even though I am equally shocked, I try not to appear so. Sometimes Jim is… unbelievable. This is such an occasion.

“Yeah, I would have been, if I didn’t have to save your life!” – he snaps at me with fury.

“A fact for which I am immensely grateful and the very reason to take responsibility for the actions of – “

“Take responsibility, yeah. That is noble. What can I say.” – he continues to speak and to pace through the room restlessly. “That’s so noble, pointy, if you weren’t also throwing me completely under the bus!”

“Throwing – you – under – the – bus?” – I say, stressing each word. Has my memory deteriorated so much that I actually cannot recall the moment of wanting to push Jim under a vehicle? What is he referring to? And furthermore, did he just call me _pointy_ in the presence of Admiral Pike?

I find myself at a loss of words.

“Gentlemen, gentlemen!” – Admiral Pike interjects, and I feel embarrassed by the fact that our superior has to actually intervene to stop something that looks positively like a fight between my Captain and I. “Starfleet regulations stipulate that we are to _explore_ and _observe_. Did you hear me, Kirk? Explore. Observe. Not interfere. And certainly not let natives which are barely out of the caves see a Starship!!”

Jim does not answer, he looks downwards. I feel I should say something. And I do:

“Admiral, had our mission gone according to the plan, the indigenous species would have never been aware of our presence.”

“That’s a technicality”, the Admiral ripostes.

I glance at Jim. He is still quiet. I begin sensing great sadness from his part.

“I am Vulcan, Sir. We embrace technicality.”

The Admiral gives me a look which suddenly reminds me of the way my Father used to look at me when I used to do something that displeased him. Somehow, that look makes me shiver. For a second, the Admiral smiles discretely.

“Are you giving me attitude, Spock?”

I wonder if the question is meant rhetorically. Let me not take risks here.

“I am expressing multiple attitudes simultaneously, Sir. To which are you referring?”

His eyes narrow for a second.

“Get out.”

Jim’s thought is suddenly being broadcast to me: _Now you’ve done it._ I am quite sure I have done _it_ – whatever _it_ is.

“Admiral…”

“You’re dismissed, Commander” – the Admiral says, a tone sharper and I know I must go now, no matter how worried I am for Jim.

I leave the Admiral’s office and remain in the hallway for a while. I am at a loss of what to do.  So, Jim has been untruthful in his log while I have provided a very detailed report. He may very well be in trouble for having lied (or rather, for having concealed the truth – but why, why do humans have this habit of not telling the truth? – I have never, and will never understand this) – and he feels betrayed by me, his best friend, the man he trusts – and, most importantly – he loves.

I must wait for him here and apologize, even though apologizing for having been truthful and having done my duty is quite strange.

I remain just outside the door. I can hear nothing of the discussion taking place between the Admiral and the Captain Pike and it would be unwise and impolite for me to attempt listening to it – but I do want to know what is being discussed. I am sad that we, the Enterprise crew, have disappointed our beloved friend and protector, Christopher Pike.

Jim has been inside for 8 minutes now.

I look around and I am not even surprised when I spot Mr. Scott, standing aside in the main hall and feeding Keenser peanuts out of a recipient.

Our eyes meet for a brief second. He hands Keenser the jar and he approaches me.

“Mr. Spock” – he greets me politely. He calls me either “Spock”, or “Mr. Spock” – I believe I truly intimidate him. At least now.

“Mr. Scott. What are you doing here?”

“I am just… around. In case you need me. I told you earlier.”

Yes, that is correct – he told me. I did not believe he would actually do it – it is quite rare among Humans to keep their word to the letter.

“Thank you” – I just tell him.

“Meeting went well?”

“Meeting is not yet over. The Captain is still inside with Admiral Pike.”

“Oh. I hope he’s not in trouble.”

It may be unwise to have such hopes but I refrain from sharing this thought with Scotty.

I come closer to him – his presence is so soothing, making me feel secure, albeit guilty for harbouring such thoughts. Perhaps I should just tell him –

But just then, when I was actually opening my mouth to _tell him_ , the sound of a huge explosion startles me. The terrible noise is followed by other smaller blasts – it has been very close, because the building we are in vibrates, shaken, and a few windows break in the main hallway. Instinctively, Scotty takes my arm, looking for shelter; I pull him closer, behind me, and immediately after, Jim rushes out of Pike’s desk, followed by the Admiral himself who walks with difficulty and leans against a wall to be able to exit the room.

I take Jim’s arm to prevent him from rushing outside – we do not know what happened and I will not risk him being injured.

“What the hell happened?” – Jim asks, and the building fills with noise, people rushing in and out, more windows break, shattered glass everywhere security guards blocking the main entrance and sounds of sirens coming from everywhere.

“I do not know…” – I answer. “Please stay here.”

Jim, of course has no intention of _staying here_ , he wants to rush outside at once and see what is going on.

“Captain. You are to stay here and protect Admiral Pike.” – I tell him, and at last he seems to find my proposition reasonable enough. Whatever has happened between the two of them in that room, Jim looks overly guilty and he positions himself in front of the Admiral, to protect him from whatever comes our way next.

“You too.” – I tell Scotty, who nods – at least someone obeys me. I head towards the entrance to ascertain our condition. Through the glass walls, I can see that the building in front of us, the San Francisco Public Library, has suffered considerable damage – either from an explosion that took place within the structure, or it was under attack. I cannot tell from my current position. I should go outside and check. I suddenly spot Leonard, who has just beamed down from the Enterprise – he rushes to me.

“Good God man! What happened!?”

“I do not know yet, Leonard, what are you doing here, it is dangerous!”

“Well, someone’s gotta look after you three, thickheads! Where’s Jim?”

“He is over there, with Mr. Scott and Admiral Pike. Do you have medical supplies with you?”

“Doh!” – he snaps at me, and heads towards our group – giving me the opportunity to spot the large bag he is carrying on his right shoulder. Always prepared…

Strange how we always end up together, the four of us.

We draw closer to the Admiral and finally he receives a call during which he is informed that the Library has been attacked and that we are not to remain at our present location. He and Jim are summoned at once for an emergency meeting at Daystrom. A vehicle and a security team are sent to pick them up.

“You three.” – the Admiral says, looking at Scotty, Leonard and me. “You are coming along.”

“Admiral?” – Leonard asks in disbelief, as he has never been summoned to any emergency session, ever, except if they involved blood, wounds or delivery of babies.

“Because there is nothing you cannot accomplish together, as it has already been proved multiple times by now, you will be attending the crisis analysis and will state your opinion. I should start treating you as a single entity anyway. Which means you are all in trouble. Not only Jim.”

“Yer’ in trouble?” – Scotty asks Jim.

“Very.” – he answers, his cheeks red.

With a fatherly attitude, the Admiral leans on Jim’s arm and we head towards the vehicle. 3 minutes later we all enter the Daystrom Briefing Room, for an emergency session presided my Admiral Marcus himself. It is 08:59.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for dropping a comment.


	5. 9 AM

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are much appreciated.

We all follow Admiral Pike inside the conference room where several Starfleet Officials have already arrived. Admiral Marcus gives Mr. Scott, Doctor McCoy and myself a rather confused look, asking himself what are we doing here, since only Admiral Pike and Captain Kirk were invited.

"They're with me" – Admiral Pike says, somewhat sharply. I guess they have their problems too... in any case they do not seem to be extremely fond of each other. 

Admiral Marcus refrains from commenting. They all sit down – I take my own seat near Jim. Scotty and Leonard decide not to sit down and instead they remain behind us. Leonard is surveying the room as if there were any hidden dangers. 

"Thank you for convening on such a short notice, gentlemen" – Admiral Marcus finally speaks. "You all know what happened just moments ago. The target was a Starfleet data archive located in the Library. Now, it's a damn hole in the ground. Forty-two men and women are dead and over two hundred and forty are wounded."

He pauses for a moment – allowing the news to settle in. The humans will never cease to amaze me with their need for unnecessary dramatism. 

Jim tries to pull Admiral Pike's console towards him. The Admiral glares at him, which momentarily makes Jim change his mind. Sometimes he behaves like a spoiled child – an adorable one for that matter.

"Seconds before the explosion, I received a message from a Starfleet officer, who confessed having carried out this attack. He said he had been forced to do it by someone, Commander John Harrison." – he takes a deep breath. "He is one of our own."

Rumour fills the room. An attack accomplished by a Starfleet officer? This is unheard of. Starfleet has been built on the hard work and good intentions of honourable men and women – to imagine someone trying to boycott it, to undermine it – to carry out works of destruction – and even  more so, to kill innocent people – is extremely difficult to comprehend. What will have been his reasons? Why would he even do something like this? While it is true that rogue souls are everywhere, there few things more painful than the acknowledgement of fact that your own people can turn against you.

"...Why?" – someone from the room asks, voicing my own uncertainties.

"For reasons unknown, Commander John Harrison has just declared a one-man war against Starfleet. Under no circumstances are we to allow this man to escape from Federation space. All of us gathered here this morning represent the senior command of all the vessels in the region. In the name of all those we lost, I order you to find Harrison so that he can pay for what he has done. This is a manhunt. Pure and simple."

Somehow, I do not like the way that sounds. I feel Leonard behind me starting to be angry as well. If only his crude emotions would not be broadcast to me with such force at any given time...

Jim attempts to pull Admiral Pike's console towards him once again, this time more decidedly, so the Admiral cannot actually stop him. He merely mutters something at him, which I fail to comprehend – must have been a reprimand of some sort, expressed colloquially. Jim ignores him, and I once again worry – I know him oh so well – a new idea is born in his mind and there is nothing which will prevent him from accomplishing it, at whatever the costs. 

"Earth's perimeter sensors have not detected any warp signatures leaving the system, so he must still be around. He can't be far. You will park your ships in a blockade formation, then you will deploy search vehicles and landing parties and you will hunt this bastard down. He has killed innocent people and I have reasons to believe he may continue to do so..." – the Admiral goes on. 

_I have reasons to believe_ – he says. This triggers an alarm in my mind – I do not know why. He has  **reasons to believe**. Does he know more about Harrison than he is telling us?

Jim stopped listening to the instructions and he browses through the disaster images which are displayed on the console he managed to pull in front of him. 

"The rules of engagement are simple" – Admiral Marcus continues. "If you come across this man and you fear for your life, or the lives of those around you or under your command, you are authorised to use deadly force on sight."

Even though I cannot see Leonard, I feel him frowning. No matter what Harrison did, he dislikes the idea of having a man shot down as if in a hunt. He is not the only one who dislikes the idea.

Jim frowns at the console, then he leans to the left, touching Pike's shoulder.

"What's in this bag?" – he asks him, pointing towards something on the display.

"James. Not. Now." – Admiral Pike murmurs, obviously annoyed.

"I'm just... it's... look, it's odd for him to carry such a large bag right after he has just blown up something. What was he even doing there if the attack had been accomplished by someone else?"

"Ja-"

"Everything okay there, Chris?"

“Certainly.” – he says, sure of himself.

“Have you apprised Mr. Kirk of the situation?”

“I have.”

Jim pays no attention to them.

“Captain.” – I whisper to him.

“Hmmm?” – he murmurs, not paying any attention to me as well.

“What _situation_ is the Admiral referring to?”

“Oh, _that_. We have been reassigned. Admiral Pike will captain the Enterprise. I’ll be his First Officer. You’ve been transferred to U.S.S. Bradbury.”

I feel everything inside me growing cold. Reassigned? Will I no longer serve on the Enterprise? What will happen to my beloved one? I feel panic starting to build – both in me and in the two men behind me – panic which is replaced by sheer fury on Leonard’s behalf – _how dare Jim talk about this as if it were nothing –_ and I also ask myself the same question. However, there are more pressing matters now.

“Captain, but – “

Jim decides to ignore me and turns towards Admiral Pike once again.

“What did you say it was in the bag?” – he asks again, pointing to a large travel bag which was in Harrison’s hand in the picture which was on the display.

“I don’t know, Jesus, Kirk!”

“If you got something to say, Kirk, say it now”, Admiral Marcus says on what seems to be a rather sarcastic tone. “Tomorrow may be too late.”

“I’m fine, Sir. My apologies.”

“Come on, son, spit it out.”

“I was – just – I mean…” – he says, looking carefully at everyone in the room. “This attack seems so random. Why attack a library, for God’s sake? It is as if he…”

“…He What, Kirk?” – the Admiral inquires, slightly starting to lose his patience.

“Well, in the event of an attack, protocol mandates that senior command gather captains and first officers at Starfleet Headquarters – right here, in this room.”

An eerie silence settles and everyone looks at their neighbours, as if beginning to grasp the meaning of something immense and outrageous.

Jim is right. If Harrison wants to damage Starfleet, he has every chance to do so now – we are all here. I cannot help but to think of an explosion taking down the entire building we are now in – but logic forces me to push away such a thought – this is considered to be the safest building in the world – everyone entering it must go through a voice recognition process, a retinal scanning process and a 3 D gait analysis system. It is unbreachable.

From the inside.

“CLEAR THE ROOM!!!” – I hear Scotty yelling.

I do not understand what is going on, but the entire room is suddenly filled by the red light coming from an air vehicle flying at the level of our conference room.

Seconds after, the windows break under the merciless blast of a disruptor rifle.

The shockwave propagated through the room and knocked all of us off our chairs, to the ground, on the shattered glass. I am among the first to get up, managing to grab Jim and pull him closer – my first duty is to my Captain. He rubs his eyes, confused, and attempts to stand up. I pull him behind a pillar – outside there is a person shooting at us from an air vehicle. 

"I think we found our man!" – Jim says, looking cautiously towards the attacker. "You alright?"

"I am fine, Captain – "

Whatever I wanted to say, I do not manage to do so as security teams are rushing inside and start shooting back. I believe it is safer to remain here, but Jim is not the person to stand aside during an attack. 

When the first security team member is shot down, Jim rushes and takes his gun, after which he throws himself under the conference table and starts shooting back. There is no way to stop him – but then again, nobody else reacts in any other way. In seconds, all the security officers are shot down. I see Captain Meyers collapsing to the ground; I look around, to see if I can be of any assistance. 

Leonard and Scotty are near another pillar, hidden from the attacker's sight and they seem not to be in any immediate danger. Leonard has his arms around Scotty and he keeps him close, protectively. Our eyes meet for one second. 

"Stay there" – I murmur in Leonard's direction, knowing he will comprehend me, and seeing he attempts to stand up. "That's an order."

He nods – he knows that he is doing no good to anyone by being shot, and he will be able to assist the wounded as soon as the shooting stops.

I spot Jim in the hallway – he is shooting at the air vehicle. The attacker – John Harrison himself – continues to shoot at us through the room, aiming at anything that moves – no doubt, he wishes to decimate the entire Starfleet Command. 

My thoughts freeze as I see Admiral Pike collapsing to the ground. NO – I cannot allow this to happen. 

I lay flat on the floor and I proceed to advance towards him.

"NO, Spock! Spock!!" – I hear Scotty screaming. I wish he could just shut up now – there is no time for emotional outbursts and he also risks to attract the attention of the attacker.

I manage to advance without being shot and I wrap one arm around him. He seems severely injured.

"Admiral. Where have you been shot?"

"Stomach..." – he murmurs and he seems in severe pain. "Get out of here Spock, you will get yourself killed."

"Not without you" – I say decidedly.

"Why do all Vulcans have to be so stubborn..."

I position myself near him, almost over him, to protect him from further injuries – in due time, because the next plasma bullet aimed at him reaches my shoulder. The pain is sharp, stinging and merciless.

"Spock!! Spock. Let me go, Len!" – I hear Scotty scream again.

"STAY THERE" – I yell back and I cannot even remember the last time I raised my voice at someone. I can only hope that Jim manages to distract Harrison enough for me to pull Admiral Pike to safety, even though now that I am wounded it is much more difficult. 

"Your Father is..." – the Admiral tries to say.

"Shhh. Don't speak. You will only lose more blood."

“Spock. Listen to me…”

I align my fingers on his face, starting a profound mind-meld, so that he can share whatever thoughts he wishes, without making any more efforts to speak.

_Sarek – you – he_

His thoughts become blurry all of a sudden – he is losing consciousness. No – no – _I will not let you._

I place strong hooks in his mind, in his consciousness, attaching his life-essence to mine.

It is just then that I hear another terrible noise – Jim has thrown a – a what? – I almost cannot believe my eyes when I see a hydrant being pulled out of the wall and being smashed into Harrison’s air vehicle.

However Jim managed to throw a hydrant at Harrison, I am unable to investigate for now, nor to understand. What matters is that Harrison's air vehicle goes down. The shooting stops; it is all Leonard needs – in the next second he rushes to us, followed by Scotty. There is glass everywhere, and I am well aware Leonard needs a clean place to begin treating Admiral Pike; if I disengage the meld, he will collapse though. 

"Stop!" – I order Leonard as I see he is getting ready to clear the shattered glass from around us with his bare hands. "You will cut yourself. Scotty, help him."

Scotty had collapsed on his knees near us, seeming quite lost – but he snaps back to reality hearing my order. He removes his red shirt and clears the floor around us, providing Leonard with a somewhat cleaner environment to work on. Leonard says nothing; he has already visually assessed Admiral Pike's condition and he brought his medical bag. 

"What's with the meld?" – he asks me.

"His consciousness was fading."

While I did not provide an accurate medical description of what has actually been happening, Leonard understands me. He knows the power of the Vulcan mind and the way it can attach itself to another mind, for support and for providing energy when necessary.

"Good job." – he murmurs. Coming from Leonard, it is actually an extraordinary compliment. "Keep the meld there until I stabilize him."

"Understood."

I raise my head and look into Scotty's eyes.

"Go help Jim."

"But..." – he whispers on an extremely vulnerable tone – "are you alright?"

"I am fine, Lieutenant." – I decide to switch on a more official mode, as only discipline keeps us and everything else together at times like these. "Now do as I ordered."

Scotty shivers.

"Aye, Commander..." – he manages to say; he then jumps to his feet and rushes to Jim, who has remained on the outer corridor, near the broken window, catching his breath and staring at the burning vehicle.

"Spock, move aside now." – Leonard tells me. "I need to stop the haemorrhage."

I am still laying somehow atop of Admiral Pike – I have done so to protect him from further injury – slowly, I move aside to allow Leonard treat him, while keeping the meld in place. 

Leonard tears apart the Admiral's uniform and scans the wound. I have no expertise but it looks bad. 

"Can you numb his pain receptors?" – Leonard asks me.

"I Am Sorry?" – I ask, in disbelief.

"You're in his mind; keep his awareness at a very low level, or locate the nociceptors of his lower abdominal area and kill them."

If I interpret Leonard's intentions correctly, he wants me to act as an anaesthetic. This is easy. I engulf Admiral Pike's mind in a thick protective layer, numbing his perceptions for his own body and outer world; his consciousness remains vivid, but he can feel no pain or discomfort.

"Really great" – Leonard says, as he sees Pike relaxing. He then takes my hand and places it on the bare wound on the Admiral’s stomach.

“Hold it like this, and don’t move. His superior mesenteric artery is sectioned.”

“Leonard, but my hand is dirty.”

“Right now, I don’t give a damn about that. If I don’t suture this, he’s gone.”

I refrain from further medical observations as Leonard needs to concentrate. I see Jim rushing our way on the verge of panicking as he sees what we are doing.

“Is – he – ?”

“Leonard has never lost a patient” – I answer calmly. “I do not believe he intends to start now.”

I see Leonard _almost_ smiling as he continues to work.

Jim straightens and looks around. There are plenty of dead and wounded people. His commanding instincts suddenly come to life and he promptly takes charge of the situation. He starts dispatching orders and pulling the wounded to safer areas, for Leonard to begin the triage as soon as he would be able to.

“Help the Captain” – I order Scotty again, as he simply stares at me.

“Right. Right.” – he responds, trying hard not to collapse emotionally. I wish I could convey at least a minimum amount of support to him but at present I cannot.

“Good God”, Leonard murmurs.

“What is it, Doctor?”

“He adores you.”

I remain silent for a moment.

“…yes.” – I finally answer. It is obvious for everyone to see. I see no point in trying to deny or conceal it.”

“Right.” – he says, and I am sure he does not find this right. I feel the pain accumulating more and more in his heart.

He does not look at me – he is about to finalize the suturing procedure and he needs to focus his entire attention on the patient.

My consciousness is still attached to that of the Admiral – I sense him stabilizing. It is a wonderful feeling, as if you looked at a flower opening its petals under the touch of the sun.

“He will regain awareness, Leonard” – I warn him.

“Just a few moments, I want to make sure he is stable, keep the meld there.”

I am in no hurry to disengage the meld. My own mind has long been yearning to meld with another – of course I would not have expected for my longing to be satiated in such dramatic circumstances. As my Time is almost upon me, my consciousness needs to attach to another – it is much more important than the union of bodies. Without another mind attached to mine, bound to mine, I am not complete.

_…loves you very much, Spock_. – I suddenly perceive in Admiral Pike’s mind.

I wonder what he is referring to. Who loves me very much? There is no time for logical deductions now, and I refrain from searching through his mind for answers – it would be intrusive, not to mention I did not even ask for his permission altogether…

… _never forget that._

I wonder what he wants me to remember.

“You can remove the meld now.” – Leonard says.

I give him a rather uncertain look.

“Go on… he needs to wake now, so that I can assess the damage further.”

The process of meld-breaking is similar to that of taking a few steps back without looking where you are going. I do exactly that and it makes me cringe in effort and pain.

“What’s the matter?” – Leonard inquires.

“Nothing is the matter” – I answer, finally removing my hand from the Admiral’s face.

“You look as if you are in pain.”

“The separation of minds, after a meld, is always painful for a Vulcan.”

“Oh… I didn’t know that. So when we melded… earlier this morning… before all this shit started to happen… was it… y’know… good for you?”

“I believe the proper word to describe the experience would be… _blissful_.”

“I thought Vulcans didn’t exaggerate.”

“I do not exaggerate, Leonard. The Vulcan mind is built as such that it needs to be connected to another.”

“So any meld is… blissful.”

“Any meld is constructive and brings comfort to a Vulcan; some, though, are blissful. Not all. It is like music. Though most of it provides an aesthetic experience and it is pleasing to listen, not all of it is extraordinary.”

“So… melding with me was like listening to…?”

This discussion is very sensitive and dangerous.

“…to Brahms.”

“I hate Brahms.” – he mutters and pushes me away from Pike, as the Admiral has opened his eyes and he murmurs something.

Jim and Scotty return near us. It is not surprising to me that Jim has managed to stop the attacker’s shooting – without him, who knows hum much further damage will he have caused. He looks tired, he is full of dust, and he has many small wounds all over his face, forehead and hands – surely from when the windows broke.

“Doctor?” – I address Leonard as he gently deposes the Admiral on a stretcher brought by the medical teams which finally managed to get here.

“What.”

We are back to the passive-aggressive communication… I wonder if it is connected to something I said…

“Please attend to the Captain, next. He is injured.”

Leonard looks up, finally taking a good look at Jim.

“Good God, man! What in the heaven’s name did you even do??” – he snaps at him, full of unrestrained anger.

Jim seems confused as he surely does not know what he has done to deserve such hostility.

“The Captain, Doctor” – I address Leonard – “has once more saved all our lives. He has disarmed John Harrison by himself.”

“That’s just typical” – Leonard comments as he stands up and begins to scan Jim. “Bring him a chair” – he orders me.

I look around and I locate a conference chair that has not been torn to pieces during the attack. I pull him near Leonard and I encourage Jim to sit down, so that Leonard can see to his wounds. They are superficial as far as I can tell.

“Did you manage to shoot or capture John Harrison, Captain?” – I inquire.

“The bastard beamed away at the last moment.”

“He cannot be far. We must alert the security teams. And given the fact that he has beamed away, we must assume he has an accomplice.”

“His air-car has crashed. Scotty, let’s go take a look and see what we can find.”

“Hold still, you, brat!” – Leonard spouts. “You’ll go when I’m done with you!”

“You sure are in a good mood, Bones…” – Jim says, puzzled by his aggressiveness

“Yeah, I am in a great mood.”

“I’ll... go do something useful” – Scotty says, looking into my eyes for a second for permission, even though Jim is in command.

I lower my eyelids in a gesture of discrete approval.

“Yeah, go”, Jim also agrees. “I’ll be right with you as soon as my bestie finishes patching me up.”

I wonder where Admiral Marcus is. I haven’t seen him since the attack began. I straighten and look around the room.

“He isn’t here” – Jim tells me, as if having read my mind. “And he isn’t among the dead or wounded either.”

“Interesting…” – even though the word does not even begin to describe my impressions of the situation. “He must have taken shelter quickly.”

“Who are you even talking about?” – Leonard asks.

“Admiral Marcus.”

Leonard remains silent. He frowns. He tries to remember when he last saw him. His eyes widen for a second.

“Leonard, what is it?” – I ask firmly as I see he remained still, with the dermal regenerator in his hand.

“I am sure he fled the room before the shooting began.”

We say nothing else, each of us contemplating the gravity of those words. Leonard finishes regenerating Jim’s wounds and proceeds to treat my shoulder.

 


	6. 10 AM

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sarek of Vulcan joins in.

As Leonard is carefully and slowly regenerating the shattered muscles and bones in my shoulder, I cannot help but to think just how much has happened this morning. We have days which my Human colleagues find boring; and then again, we have days like this.  Was it only five hours ago when I was having breakfast with my friends, in the mess hall, on the Enterprise?

Leonard is overly silent. As his hand touches my shoulder, it is easy to perceive his thoughts, even though I do not intend to. As any touch telepath, I am extremely careful when it comes to respecting the privacy of the others’ minds, but with Scotty, Leonard and Jim I never could shield myself. Our connection is too strong; I perceive their thoughts from two feet away sometimes – and when it comes to touch-reading, my shields have no chance of holding. It is therefore long since I have given up shielding from any of them.

Leonard is feeling guilty for harbouring feelings for me. He attempts to push them away, to bury them inside his own consciousness. He hates and loves me; he hates and loves himself. He thinks that his feelings, even unconfessed to me as they are – he has never told me a single word by which he would disclose is affection – would ruin Scotty’s chances to my heart, because in his opinion, nothing must come between me and Scotty – the perfect match. Of course, that is because Scotty adores me to no end and _that_ is reason enough for me to choose him.

“You think you can manage staying out of trouble for a while?” – he asks me.

“What do you mean, Doctor?”

“I mean, you lost quite a bit of blood and there is no way I can find you suitable mN00h+ Vulcan blood in the next few hours. I’ve regenerated the wound but you should rest for a while. Don’t get into fights.”

“Thank you, Doctor. It is not my intention to _get into fights._ Do you require assistance with the other wounded here?”

Leonard stands up and looks around.

“I’ve done my job here. I will go see to Christopher Pike. What are you gonna do now?”

“It is my intention to see what have the Captain and Mr. Scott discovered inside Harrison’s abandoned vehicle.

“Yeah, um… Spock?” – he says hesitatingly.

“Yes, Leonard…” – I respond on an equally hesitant tone.

“I… um… how about we locate Marcus? You know, see if he’s okay?”

That was not what he wanted to tell me, but the proposition, be it _impromptu_ or not, is very much logical. We should see where Admiral Marcus is. Even though he fled the room seconds after (or before?) the attack began, we can investigate, and his safety and security are good enough reasons.

“That is… a very sound idea, Leonard” – I respond, taking his arm – because I need to lean on someone for a moment.

“How do we locate him?” – Leonard asks, not pulling his arm away.

I retrieve a padd and a bioscanner and I start inputting line codes.

“Whaddya doin’?” – Leonard asks, looking at what I am doing and not understanding anything.

“I am locating his biological signature in the building.”

“Oh. But that is complicated – and illegal” – he suddenly has the revelation.

He is correct. Regulations do not allow an inferior officer to locate a Starfleet Admiral by tracking down his biological signature, unless there is a medical emergency.

I just give Leonard what he would describe as “a pointed look.”

He smiles widely.

“Well, I’d be damned! Good thinking, hobgoblin. This IS a medical emergency. I mean, I could be. We were only concerned about his welfare.

“He is at level minus five.”

“Awesome. Let’s go, pointy.”

Leonard reverts to name-calling only when he is in a very affectionate mood. I decide not to spoil his mood. We head towards an elevator and while we wait, I use the time to message Jim.

<Doctor McCoy and myself have gone to assess the condition of Admiral Marcus…>

I decide to add three points of suspension at the end of the message as I have often seen humans do, to stress the uncertainty of success of the said mission and also to indicate that we may, perhaps, need assistance. Humans are very good at perceiving subtext.

<Ok… be very careful. Come to us afterwards. We may have found interesting things.>

Our elevator arrives and we descend. We do not talk. I am very curious as to what Jim and Scotty have discovered. When the elevator stops, we find ourselves in front of what seems to be the door of a cargo bay. Interesting – I was not aware that such a space existed on the underground levels of Daystrom Institute.

With the scanner in my hand – unfortunately, I have no weapons – and followed by Leonard, we enter.

We are, indeed, in a cargo-bay. The lights are dim but I can still perceive an ample amount of large weapons that look like torpedoes, neatly aligned along the walls. The hatches on the superior parts of the torpedoes are open, and several men are working to perform some adjustments on them. We spot Admiral Marcus in the middle of the bay, talking to another person – perhaps his weapons specialist, I speculate.

“Well, he looks fine” – Leonard mumbles as he takes a few readings on his medical tricorder. “We should go, Spock. Something tells me we should not be here.”

All my senses are alert. I have learnt to trust the human intuition and instinct, and if Leonard feels uncomfortable, then it means something is very wrong here.

“May I help you?” – a yeoman approaches us.

“Negative” – I answer.

“Who are you looking for?”

“No one in particular” – Leonard decides to speak, and I really, really want to slap him right now.

“Security!” – the yeoman says, and seconds after we are surrounded by gunmen, with Admiral Marcus approaching us.

He looks very upset and angry.

“What the hell are you doing here, Spock, McCoy?”

“We have come to ascertain your status, Admiral” – I take the lead. “Since we did not see you after the attack, we thought you may be in danger or wounded. We merely – “

“How the hell did you know where I was?”

“Admiral Pike told us” – Leonard lied.

That seems to increase Marcus’ anger.

“Pike is dead, I saw him receive a full disruptor blast.”

“That he did” – Leonard continues – “but luckily Spock and myself were close to him and we were able to provide assistance. You will be pleased to find out that he is quite alright.”

Somehow, I have the impression that Marcus does not find this piece of news that pleasing.

“Pike doesn’t know of this place” – he says and I can see on his face that he immediately regrets it. He has made a grave mistake with the affirmation. “I mean – he couldn’t have known I was here” – he tries to fix it, but it is too late.

“We will go, Admiral” – I speak again. “We are relieved you are fine.”

“Where are Kirk and Scott?” – he asks, as if surprised we are not together.

“They are currently analysing the wreckage of Harrison’s vehicle in the attempt of finding evidence. We shall keep you posted of course, Admiral.”

“Yes, do so, Spock. And stay in the building afterwards, you four. I will summon you shortly.”

“Of course, Sir.”

He signals the security team to stand down and we return to the turbolift. Before the doors shut behind us I hear Marcus snapping at someone: <Get on the Enterprise this instant and…>

I could not hear more, but now I am truly worried.

Mindlessly, which is so very unlike me, I place my hand on Leonard’s arm.

“Are you feeling alright, Spock?” – he asks me.

“I am… troubled by our encounter with Admiral Marcus.”

“Yeah, something was rotten. What were those things aligned near the walls anyway? They looked like torpedoes.”

“They _were_ torpedoes.”

“I thought it was forbidden to keep any kinds of weapons inside _Daystrom_ building.”

I contemplate Leonard’s words for a few seconds.

“It _is_ forbidden.”

“Well, I guess Admirals are allowed to do anything, aren’t they…” – he says with bitterness in his voice.

“Admirals should be an example and follow the rules accordingly so that they could set a good example for those under their command.”

“Ideally.” – Leonard comments.

“Ideally.” – I repeat.

We reach the ground floor and we head towards the site where Harrison’s air vehicle crashed.

As soon as he sees us, Scotty emerges from the contorted vehicle – or better said, he crawls out of it – he is full of dust and grease; he holds a medium-sized cylinder in his arms. Jim, who has obviously helped him, gets out of the vehicle too and straightens up.

“Look what I found” – he says, looking at the three of us.

“What is this device, Mr. Scott?” – I ask.

“It’s a portable transwarp beaming device.” – he explains gravely, staring at the minidisplay which is encrusted in the cylinder.

“A-what?” – Leonard asks, as he is unfamiliar with technical terms.

“A device used to transport oneself from one planet onto another, covering great distances.”

“I wasn’t aware stuff like this existed…” – Leonard points out.

“I patented it myself… if you remember, I am the one who postulated the damn transwarp theory!!” – Scotty snaps, very much annoyed. “They stole my specs and started producing those things… without even bothering to give me any credit whatsoever! Bloody idiots.”

“Mr. Scott. Calm down please.” – I say on a warning tone. It is not the good time for a tantrum.

He calms down instantaneously and gives me a subdued look, which makes Leonard frown and look downwards, obviously contemplating the magnitude of Scotty’s feelings for me one more time.

“Can you figure out where he went?” – Jim asks Scotty.

“I already did, Captain. And you’re no gonna like it.”

His Scottish accent is now very pronounced and I know it is because he is overly troubled and worried.

He presses a few buttons on the device and a set of coordinates are displayed on the screen: **43.89.26.05**. That is extremely troubling.

“Fuck!” – Jim curses rather expressively.

“Er… if you don’t mind me asking…” – Leonard interjects, staring at the display. I am not a portable coordinates calculator as you are. _Where exactly_ is 43.89.26.05, if I may ask?”

Jim doesn’t dare utter the word and Scotty looks at me, lost.

“Kronos, Doctor. Those coordinates indicate that our fugitive has gone to Kronos.”

“Kronos?! You mean the Klingon home world?”

“Affirmative.” – I acknowledge, taking the device out of Scotty’s hands and just gazing at the coordinates, as if it would have solved anything – I believe I am becoming more and more human…

“Fuck.” – Leonard also comments, now that he understood.

Kronos is off-limits. The relations between the Klingon Empire and the Federation had deteriorated greatly in the last few years, and despite all my Father’s attempts as the Federation’s High Ambassador, he was unable to make them any better. It is barely one month since the Klingons have warned the Federation that any trespassing into their territory will lead to war.

Jim suddenly straightens and grabs the sleeve of my uniform, drawing my attention to someone approaching from behind me.

I turn and my entire soul becomes warmer and brighter as I spot the beloved silhouette of my Father.  Dressed in a white robe, he is advancing towards us.

“Look, Spock, your Dad!” – Leonard says cheerfully. He has fond memories of my Father, from the Nero incident, when he treated the Vulcan survivors of the Nero attack and Sarek had assisted him through the process, not having slept or rested for days.

I depose the device back into Scotty’s arms, and I notice my young colleague’s look – he is staring at the approaching figure of my Father, unable to move, blink even, and almost without breathing. He must be terrified, but there is no time now to reassure him that my Father will not harm or hurt him in any way, despite the feelings he has for me.

I advance towards my Father as well, my own heart beating faster as he extends his two beautiful hands towards me.

There are protocols which humans do not know; but right now I do not care much as to what the people around would say. As soon as we are face to face, I put one knee down and I kiss both his hands, after which I raise my head to meet his eyes.

It is the traditional way for a Vulcan to greet his Father. Ever since I have obtained his forgiveness for having chosen Starfleet instead of the Vulcan Science Academy, our relationship greatly improved and we are getting along well. I try to the best of my abilities to follow all the Vulcan traditions and protocols and he appreciates my efforts.

“Greetings, Father” – I speak.

“Greetings, my Son, it is a joy to see you.”

Normally he would have told me to stand, but he frowns for a moment, and aligns his fingers on my right cheek, initiating a probing meld. He senses the incipient fires that are to burn my mind and my body in a few hours.

“Stand, my son” – he adds after a few moments, removing his hand.

I do so.

“I was not aware you were on Earth, Father, my apologies. I would have contacted you.”

“It is of no consequence. I have heard about the attack and about the fact that my friend, Christopher Pike, has been severely injured. I was attempting to obtain more information on his condition.”

“Doctor McCoy, whom I think you already know, has saved his life.” – I answer. “Should you wish to speak to him, he is over there.” – with those words, I offer him my arm and we return near my colleagues.

“Ambassador!” – Jim greets him affectionately. “It is a pleasure to see you.”

“Likewise, Captain Kirk. Doctor McCoy! I was informed you treated my friend, Admiral Pike, right after the attack.”

“Yea’, we were all there and we got lucky. If it wasn’t for Spock though, there wouldn’t’ve been much to treat.”

“All of you were present in the conference room?” – Sarek asks, somewhat surprised.

“Affirmative” – I answer.

“Is any of you injured?” – he asks, looking at each of us at a turn.

“Just minor wounds, but I’ve taken care of them.” – Leonard says with pride.

“I see you maintain your reputation of being the best doctor in Starfleet” – Sarek tells him, with a warm, affectionate voice. “My gratitude for taking care of them.”

Leonard blushes at the compliment and looks downwards, smiling. It is not every day that someone gets to be praised by Sarek of Vulcan.

My Father’s gaze rests upon Scotty’s face, who simply stares back at him. My young colleague looks stunned, perplexed, petrified and I do not know what to make of his reaction.

“Mr. Scott.” – my Father says, and he almost smiles. “It is very good to see you again.”

Scotty bites his lips.

“Hi.” – he manages to utter, and I am quite sure this greeting is nowhere in the Ambassadorial protocols. I will have to explain to him later that you just cannot say **Hi** to an Ambassador.

To my complete astonishment, my Father extends one hand towards him – the Human salute which all Vulcans abhor.

Scotty extends a small, delicate hand, back, allowing my Father to shake it. The surprises are yet to end:

“Hi!” – my Father replies to him, amused, but not on a mocking tone.

“Nice to see you.” – Scotty says next, and I really want to smack him. I really, really hope that Father will not get angry.

“Oh, I assure you, the pleasure is all mine, youngling” – Sarek says, keeping Scotty’s hands into his just about enough to probably read every single equation that my colleague and friend has in his formidable mind, as well as all the other thoughts.

Scotty has no intention of letting go of his hand and keeps staring at him, as if in disbelief. I can understand his shock; it is not every day that one shakes hands with Sarek of Vulcan.

“Uhm…” – Jim says, as the scene seems cut out of a science-fiction movie.

Sarek finally releases Scotty’s hand and turns towards Jim, preparing to address him; it is just then that Jim’s communicator buzzes, startling us all.

“Kirk here.” – he responds. “Yes, Admiral. Right away.”

I look at him worried – I have not forgotten my previous discovery and Admiral Marcus’ puzzling behaviour.

“Spock, come on. Marcus wants to see us at once.”

“Just us, Captain?”

“Just us. Said it’s urgent.”

I look at Scotty and Leonard and I do not know what to do. I dislike the idea of separating right now, not to mention I really do not want to take a single step away from my Father. I look at him, for guidance.

He lowers his eyelids for one second, granting me permission to leave. As far as I am concerned, he owns me, and I would not take a single step without his permission. However, I must see to the matters which are more pressing and perhaps more dangerous.

I turn towards Leonard.

“Please apprise my Father and Mr. Scott of our encounter with the Admiral and what we saw there, Leonard.”

“Understood.” – Leonard replies and that makes me raise one brow as I hurry to keep up with Jim – it is highly unusual for him to agree doing what I say so easily. I come to the conclusion that him, too, is under the spell of my Father.

Together with Jim, we chime at Admiral Marcus’ office. My only regret is that I did not have a single second alone with Jim, to tell him what we have discovered. As the door opens, someone exits in a hurry and I recognize the person – it is the officer which lingered around Marcus in the cargo bay, whom he had ordered to _get to the Enterprise this instant and –._

“Kirk, Spock. I was told you were analysing Harrison’s vehicle. Have you discovered anything?”

“As a matter of fact we did, Sir” – Jim rushes to speak. “He’s not on Earth. He’s on Kronos.”

Admiral Marcus frowns and seems upset by the piece of news, but I perceive a strong emotion of joy coming from him. This is very confusing. Why would he be happy that a member of Starfleet is in forbidden Klingon space?

“Kronos…” – he says, as if savouring the word.

“Yes, sir.”

Marcus looks at me, waiting for me to confirm Jim’s words, as he knows Vulcans cannot lie. This embarrasses me to no end in front of my Captain.

“He has taken refuge in the Ketha province, Admiral” – I add coldly, as I have already calculated the geographical position of the coordinates which we have discovered on the transport device.

“Son of a bitch” – the Admiral curses. It is long since I stopped being surprised by the humans’ tendency to curse every three sentences. “He knows we can’t even go _near_ Klingon space; Kronos is out of discussion… we would start a war.”

He stands up from his chair and he hovers through the room, thinking.

Jim wants to say something but I take advantage of the fact that the Admiral is not looking and I pinch his hand, signalling him to be quiet.

He glares at me with his “what the hell” look which I know oh so well.

“James…” – the Admiral finally says, turning towards us. Jim melts upon hearing his given name, supposing it is spoken with affection, while all I perceive from Marcus is deceit.

“Admiral?” – he says with his warmest smile.

“Starfleet can’t go after him officially. But you can. In the name of all those whom he killed and injured, will you go catch this bastard?”

“I would be honoured, Sir.”

I really do not like this – but no one is asking me anything.

“Pike always said you were one of our best and brightest. You should have heard him defend you. He's the one who talked you into joining Starfleet, wasn't he?”  
“Yes, sir.”  
“Did he ever tell you who talked him into joining? Anyway. Mr. Spock, is the Ketha province uninhabited?”

“Affirmative, Admiral.”

“Here is what we are going to do, gentlemen. Kirk, you have the command of the Enterprise back. I will give you a set of new photon torpedoes which we have recently designed. They are of long-range, untraceable, they would be invisible to Klingon sensors. Go and take him out. You park on the edge of the Neutral Zone, you lock on to Harrison’s position, you fire, you kill him and you return home.”

Jim does not even think for a split second.

“Aye, Sir. Permission to reinstate Mr. Spock as my First Officer.”

“Granted. Now go. I want you back in five hours. I will have the torpedoes sent to you right away.”

“Sir!” – he acknowledges the orders and goes out the door, signalling me to follow him.

This is all wrong and I really want to stop him and make him listen, but does he listen? Does he ever listen to me, did he ever do so all the innumerable times I have attempted to talk him out of a dangerous mission in which he once more risks his precious and dear life?

No, Jim Kirk does not listen to me. He only listens to his impulses, his instincts, his desire to change the world, to transform it into a better place, and I fit nowhere within his thoughts.

“Captain.” – I try.

“Not now, Spock.” – comes the response and he rushes towards Leonard and Scotty who are still lingering near my Father.

At least I get to see Him for a couple more minutes.

“Scotty, call in all people who have descended. We’re going back on the Enterprise then on to hunt down Harrison.”

Scotty just nods, continuing to watch my Father, as if hypnotized and almost unable to look away.

“The Captain means now, Lieutenant.” – I add, because we really need to focus on our current mission. Whether I like it or not, we must carry out our Captain’s orders.

Scotty finally snaps out of his reverie and moves further away, flipping his communicator open and starting to dispatch orders.

“I’ll see you around, Ambassador” – Jim tells my Father, after which he takes Leonard’s arm and rushes towards the shuttle.

I have a final moment alone with my Father.

I look downwards.

“Let me see what worries you, Son.” – he speaks on a calm, reassuring tone.

I simply put one knee down again and I allow my Father look inside my mind and see all that he wants.

He is surprised by my gesture but reconnects a meld and I rush towards his consciousness a torrent of information, thoughts, emotions, everything that I perceived during our brief encounter with Marcus.

I see my Father frowning deeply, as I have not seen him in years.

Worry – I sense his worry and distant anger.

And then, strangely, I sense a new, fresh, strong mental link forming between our minds. A new bond, apart the filial one.

“F…father?” – I murmur.

“Should the Fire of Ponn Farr endanger your life during this already dangerous mission, Son, I will pull them towards me and ease your pain. We will use this bond.”

I do not dare say anything.

“Why did you not already choose your mate? I see you harbour great affection for him.”

“I… uh… was hoping not to hurry. And not to choose under the pressure of the Fires. And… of course… I was to seek your blessing.”

“Tell him, Spock. One may never know what tomorrow brings.”

I kiss his beautiful hand once more and I rush to catch up with my crew mates. Indeed – who knows if there will even be a _tomorrow_?


	7. 11 AM

Jim breathes heavily and his cheeks are red. I believe he is plotting his strategy and, as he remembers what Harrison has done, he grows increasingly angry. I can surely understand him. There is nothing that upsets me more than the useless loss of life, especially of innocent life, and Harrison did kill and injure many innocent people today. However, I do not know why Jim must let anger overtake him. Anger clouds judgement and prevents the person from taking logical and sound decisions. But I have grown accustomed with Jim’s temper.

"I'm gonna get that son of a bitch and..." - he murmurs to himself.

"Captain, please calm down."

"I will not calm down!" - he snaps at me.

"Whoa" - Leonard exclaims, puzzled by Jim's behaviour. He slides one hand in his medical bag and takes out his medical tricorder, starting to scan Jim as we head towards the shuttle. "Jim, calm down. Your heart-rate is eleva-"  
"I'm fine." - he cuts him off. 

The shuttle is already full and there is room for only one more person. We must wait for the next one. 

"Scotty, you go up" - Jim orders. "Make sure we're ready to go."

Scotty says nothing; he wordlessly goes towards the shuttle, he gives me an extremely vulnerable look and disappears inside. 

We wait for the next shuttle up. Leonard continues to scan Jim.

"Stop it, Bones", Jim says warningly.

"Captain" - I decide to intervene, "I must apprise you of several things."

"Not now, Spock. I need to think."

Both me and Leonard grow quiet. Jim needs a moment to himself, to focus and take a few decisions, as well as to draft an action-plan. I look at Leonard for a second, signalling him to simply let him be for a few seconds, so that his emotions settle. Leonard rolls his eyes and he looks exasperated but he knows that arguing with Jim right now would just make matters worse. 

"Your Father looked really elegant" - Leonard tells me, and I suspect this is a strategy to dissipate the tension between us. Even so, the mention of him warms my heart.

"Thank you. He has two attendants who make sure he looks impeccable at all times."

"How old is he, anyway?"

"My Father is 120 Vulcan years old."

"Wow, and you are, what, 40?"

"He's almost 35" - Jim says. He knows everything about me by heart. 

I am grateful for Jim's comment, because this means he is finally able to think of something else.

Leonard lets out a whistle of admiration.

"He looks fantastic for his age." - Leonard says dreamily.

"Who, Spock?" - Jim asks, a bit more light-hearted.

"Bah! I meant Sarek. What do I care how Spock looks?”

I suspect he is being untruthful there, but at least he is making Jim laugh.

Our shuttle arrives and we take our seats. Leonard strategically positions himself behind Jim on the second row of chairs, to be able to take some more scans. The Captain takes a deep breath, as if bracing himself for the difficult mission.

"Captain, as I am again your First Officer, and we are embarking in this journey together, it is now my duty to strongly object to our mission parameters."

"Here we go again..." - Jim sighs. 

I decide to continue. 

"There is no Starfleet regulation that condemns a man to die without a trial, something that you and Admiral Marcus are forgetting. Also, preemptively firing torpedoes at the Klingon home-world would be a very grave mista-"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa" - Leonard interjects - "we're firing torpedoes at the Klingons?"

The Captain ignores him:

"You yourself said that the area is uninhabited. There's only going to be one casualty. And in case you weren't listening, our orders have nothing to do with Starfleet regulation..."

"Jim, calm down" - Leonard tries, in vain.

"Regulations aside, Captain, you are embarking yourself, and us, on a morally wrong mission!" - I raise my voice.

"Regulations aside", he raises his voice even more, "pulling your ass out of a volcano was morally right. And did I even get a thank you?"

I am so shocked by his attitude that I freeze on my spot, unable to utter another word.

He realizes he has crossed the line. Behind us, Leonard holds his breath. 

Our shuttle departs and in a few minutes we reach the Enterprise. There is an uncomfortable silence between us. Perhaps I should have refrained from expressing my point of view. Jim rarely listens to my advice. It saddens me. Sometimes I think my function as a First Officer is merely decorative.

"NO!!!" - I hear Scotty yelling at someone, as soon as we descend from the shuttle. "I am not signin' anythin'! Now get these... bloody things off my ship!" - he further tells an officer whom I suddenly recognize to be Admiral Marcus' yeoman.

I feel anger instantly rising into Jim's consciousness. He is heading towards our Chief Engineer rapidly. 

"Captain!"

"What is the problem here, Mr. Scott?" - Jim inquires. 

Leonard and myself are exchanging worried looks as Jim's cheeks start colouring in red. 

"The problem is I cannae authorise any weapons on board this ship without knowing what's inside them. Photon torpedoes run on fuel. Now I cannae even detect the type of fuel that's in the compartments of these torpedoes because the war-heads are shielded from inside! Now I asked for the specifications but he said..."

"It's classified." - the yeoman replies.

"It's classified!" - Scotty repeats, he himself very angry and positively screaming at Jim. “So I said: NO SPECS, NO SIGNATURE!!"

Jim takes a deep breath. I come one step closer to them; I am really worried for what is about to follow.

"Sign for the torpedoes. That's an order." - Jim says, on a low, dangerous voice. I have never seen him acting like this. 

Scotty barely controls his own anger and shock at Jim's attitude. He extends one hand towards the warp core and looks straight into Jim's eyes. 

"This is a radioactive catastrophe waiting to happen, Jim. A subtle shift in the magnetic output, from firing a single torpedo from your brand-new collection here could set off a chain reaction that will kill _every living being_ on this ship!"

"Scotty, I need you to approve those weapons!" - Jim tries to reason with him. 

I exchange another look with Leonard - he is also growing increasingly uncomfortable. 

"Why?" - the Engineer asks the most logical question. I must confess I would have asked it myself - Scotty truly voices all my uncertainties. 

"Because we need them in our current mission, Scotty!"

"That's what scares me!" - he responds. "This is clearly a military operation. Is that what we are now? 'Cause I thought we were explorers!"

"I will say this one more time, Scotty. Sign. For. The. Torpedoes. I am ordering you."

Scotty looks at me for a second, then downwards. 

"Right. Right. Well then! You leave me no choice but to resign my duties."

I see Jim turning pale for a second. 

"Come on... Scotty..."

"You're giving me no choice, Sir."

"I just - "

"Do you accept my resignation, or not?!"

Jim struggles to take the right decision. I cannot say anything to influence either of them. But I get the distinct feeling that our future, that my own future, is on the table here. Without Scotty, my survival is questionable.

"I do." - Jim says. "I do. You are relieved of your duties, Mr. Scott."

I feel everything inside me growing cold. I watch Scotty biting his lips and trying hard not to give in to the turmoil of emotions consuming him. 

"Jim..." - he murmurs. "For the love of God. Do not use those torpedoes."

With those words, he turns his back on him and proceeds towards the shuttle, in order to return to the planet's surface. 

I take his arm and stop him for a moment.

He looks at me, lost.

"You did well." - I tell him. It was what I would have done as well."

"Don't let him do anything crazy, Spock."

"I do not plan to. Where will you go?"

"I'ma goin' to get drunk."

"You will certainly not!" - I say on a slightly stricter tone.

"Stop tellin' me what to do, okay?!" - he suddenly snaps at me. 

I frown. Generally, Scotty has a submissive attitude towards me and obeys my every word. It seems something has changed. I take his hand, to touch his skin directly, without much fuss. He pulls it away.

"...and stop readin' me! I'm not a book."

His behaviour puzzles me completely - I do not know what to make of it. Perhaps he is just angry - no, it is more than that. I watch him departing, heading towards the shuttle. I have only had a short glimpse into his mind. I sense a deep, overwhelming emotion, suffocating him, filling his entire consciousness, overlapping with the image of my Father. That is very strange and I cannot understand what could have happened. 

"Spock, come on!" - Jim tells me, after having signed for the torpedoes himself.

I have little time to action, but I must do something. I am fortunate that my Father has a Starfleet-issued communicator just like ours, so I contact him while heading towards the Bridge.

"Father."

<Spock, what is it?> \- my Father responds. It is unusual for me to contact him like this. 

"Mr. Scott has just resigned his commission. He is in a very peculiar state of mind. Could I ask of you the favour of taking care of him?"

I can swear I sense amusement through our bond.

<Such temper! Spock, answer me truthfully. What is your interest in Mr. Scott?>

"Father, you saw my mind earlier. Mr. Scott has graciously offered me to assist me through my Time."

"Did you accept?"

"I did not. But I was..."

"...considering it. No, Spock. You will not do such thing."

A clear order that I must obey. 

"Yes, Father. He did not expect a bond, though - it is what he has told me."

"Spock. You will be assisted through your time by the mate which you hold dear in your heart. Do not make any mistakes here, just because you are hesitant in telling him how you feel. If your mate rejects you, which I highly doubt, I will assist you myself."

"...yourself?" - I whisper. My Father still manages to shock me to the very core of my being.

"As you may remember, I have strengthened our bond so that I can pull the Fires from you, onto me."

Right, right! He has done exactly that. What was I even thinking? 

"And who will assist you, Father, if I may ask?"

"Let me tell you, son, that I do not lack  _assistants._ Do not concern yourself with that. Remember. The one person which assists you through the Time, deserves and MUST receive a bond from you. It is the only honourable thing to do. It is the Vulcan way."

"Yes, Father. One last thing..."

"Yes?"

"I saw in Mr. Scott's consciousness, earlier on, for a brief moment, a very strong emotion concerning yourself. I am worried that -"

"Yes, I know about it. Your young friend, my son, exhibits all the symptoms of what Humans call  _love at first sight._ "

Love? At first sight? Mr. Scott has fallen in love with... with - my Father?

Sadly, I arrive to the Bridge, where a hyperactive Jim spreads orders all around. I must end my communication with my Father.

"Please, Father, take care of him."

"Be at peace." - he responds, and the communication ends. 

I sit down at my station, troubled. I review in my mind all Scotty's reactions ever since the moment he saw my Father. He was unable to react, his pupils dilated, completely speechless, his normal behaviour altered - and then, suddenly hostile towards me, as if - as if regretting the promise he has made. Love at first sight. The concept in itself, the experience, is unfamiliar to me. In my case, love is a feeling which grows, slowly and steadily, and which lasts for a lifetime. But then again, Humans are so different. Perhaps it was indeed possible to see someone for the very first time and to start loving him... I wonder how that feels like. 

Jim is unsettled. I know him oh so well - he is extremely troubled. He goes to Mr. Chekov who sits at navigation.

"You've spent a lot of time in Engineering with Mr. Scott, haven't you, Mr. Chekov?"

"Yes, Sir..." - the young man answers, giving him a confused and guilty look, as if he had been caught doing something forbidden. 

"And you are familiar with the warp-core, aren't you?"

"Yes...but I..."

"Good. You're my new Chief Engineer. Now go and put on a red shirt."

"Has something happened to Mr. Scott?" - he asks, suddenly concerned.

"He quit." - Jim says bitterly. "Now go. We are leaving in a few seconds."

Mr. Chekov stands up and rushes to Engineering - and I believe he has never been so surprised in his entire life. I must agree with him - being promoted to Chief Engineer is not something that happens every day. However, I hope this is temporary. This ship needs the expertise of Mr. Scott... I do not believe we can function well without him. 

"Mr. Sulu, retract all moorings. We're leaving." - Jim orders. 

I get the long range sensors on stand-by, preparing to scan Klingon space as soon as we approach it. 

"Open a ship-wide channel" - he next orders, and I do so. 

He takes a deep breath - he is about to broadcast the mission parameters to the entire crew, according to the procedure. 

"Attention, crew of the Enterprise. This is the Captain speaking. As most of you know, Admiral Christopher Pike, former Captain of this vessel and our friend, has been severely injured in the Daystrom attack which was accomplished by the fugitive John Harrison. Many other brave men and women have been injured and killed in the same attack and in a previous one which took place at San Francisco National Library. Harrison has fled Earth and he is hiding on the Klingon home-world, Kronos. We are on our way there now. Admiral Marcus was specific about the fact that our presence must go unnoticed, as any trespassing in the Klingon space will be seen as a provocation and can lead to war. We don't wanna do that."

He pauses and he turns towards me for a moment, as if wanting to know what I think of his discourse so far. He already knows I disapprove of his plan to kill Harrison; therefore, I display no reaction. I will not support murder. 

"I will personally lead a landing party to an abandoned city at the planet's surface where we will capture the fugitive John Harrison, after which we will return him to Earth, so that he can face judgement for his actions."

I must confess I did not expect this. Jim has proven to be very wise, and I am pleased that for once, he has listened to my piece of advice. As he ends the ship-wide transmission, I stand up and go near him. 

"Captain, I believe you made the right decision. If I can be of assistance, I would be happy to accompany you to the planet's surface."

He gives me a beautiful smile.

"You?  _Happy_?"

"Very much so" - I reply. 

The mere thought that a life would be spared was enough to make me happy, as humans put it. It is not about what Harrison did; he will pay for his actions. It is about what would we have done, should Jim had reached a different conclusion. The fact that he reconsidered just adds to my happiness.

I return to my station, to find Leonard standing near it.

"Doctor." - I greet him.

"I'm worried about Scotty" - he says abruptly.  "I tried to call him but we are either out of range, or he does not want to respond."

"Mr. Scott is fine, Leonard... I have asked my Father to take care of him. They seemed to have developed a... well... a sudden friendship."

"You mean a sudden crush."

"Crush?" - I ask, confused. 

"Crush... as in... Scotty had a sudden crush. You know."

"You mean, love at first sight?"

"Yeah" - he says, instantly feeling sorry for myself and happy for himself.

"Yes, I believe this is what happened."

"Aren't you... upset?" - he investigates.

"I am not, as you put it,  _upset_ , Leonard, but I am worried for him. Unrequited love is very painful, and so far I am not entirely sure whether my Father has any interest in him at all. Mr. Scott has a sensitive heart and he will suffer greatly, even though he would make a perfect mate for any Vulcan who would want to choose him."

I start scanning the area of space we are traversing, to make sure we do not encounter any dangers to our destination. 

"What about you?" - Leonard asks, hesitatingly.

"What is your concern regarding me?"

"Well" - he hesitates - "your Time and everything."

"I will be fine, Leonard."

"The hell you wi----"

He doesn't manage to finish the sentence, because the ship abruptly drops out of warp and we are all nearly knocked off our feet or respective seats. I take a firm hold of Leonard's arm, to prevent him from hitting his head against the metallic bezel of my console.

Next, I jump on my feet and rush to see if the Captain is okay. I decide to drag Leonard along. 

“Captain! Are you injured?” – I ask.

“No, what the hell happened??” – he yells, angrily. He then opens a channel to Engineering. “Mr. Chekov!! Did you break my ship?”

“Sorry, Sir!” – I hear the young man apologizing over the comm. “I don’t know what happened! The core overheated. I had to activate emergency stop. It must be a coolant leak. So-orry!”

“Next time you have the bright idea of relieving Scotty of duty, consider our warp core too!” – Leonard snaps at him, tending to the minor wound on Sulu’s forehead.

“I don’t need a lecture right now, Bones!” – the Captain snaps back. In other circumstances I would have found this funny, but not right now. Leonard IS right. Nobody knows our ship better than Montgomery Scott. His place is here. As it has been proven, we cannot travel even as far as 3 light-years away without running into engine problems. I wish he were here.”

“Mr. Sulu, time to our destination?”

“20 minutes, Sir.”

“That’s 20 minutes in enemy space we weren’t prepared for…” – Jim thinks out loud.

He conceives a new plan as we speak, I know that look oh so well. And I do not like it.

“Captain?” – I try to ascertain his state of mind.

“Alright. Let’s adapt to the situation” – he says, without having heard me. “We’ll take a shuttle down. Mr. Spock, have a security team ready and meet me in the shuttlepod. We’ll fly in the K’normian ship.”

“Yes, Captain.” – I acknowledge the order and I head toward the shuttlebay, grateful that he at least kept his word and took me along – I would hate to know him alone on Kronos. As I enter the turbolift, I hear him arguing with Leonard again and ordering him to cease using colourful metaphors. That sounded rather abusive of him, I must admit, but then again, I know and I can feel the enormous pressure Jim is operating under, at the moment. We change into civilian clothes in the locker room and I surprise his gaze lingering on my body. It is not new, still this time it just makes matters difficult for me. I shiver as I remove my own blue shirt, the fever has begun taking its toll. Before he can notice, I pull a hoodie over my head and then I add a leather coat and gloves – as I will be piloting, I must protect my sensitive hands.

“Wow.” – Jim says, looking at me.

“What is it?” – I ask him.

“No, nothing, you – you, uh… look good.”

“So do you, Captain” – I return the compliment, especially since it is true; he has chosen black clothes, which draw attention upon his blue eyes.

“Are you upset?” – he suddenly inquires and I really, really, do not know what he means. He will never cease to surprise me.

“Why would I be upset, Captain?”

“Because Scotty left.”

I was hoping to avoid the subject but it seems I must go through this discussion one more time.

“I am worried, Captain, not upset. Enterprise needs him.”

“And so do you. Right?”

“So do we all, Jim…”

I do hope my evasive answers will make him change the topic.

“I meant… on a personal level, Spock. I know you and him had a… well… a special friendship.”

I inhale deeply and I go to him, placing one hand on each of his shoulders.

“Jim.”

“Yeah?” – he murmurs, staring at me with his gorgeous eyes.

“You, Leonard, Scotty and myself have a very special friendship altogether. The four of us. Whatever goes through your mind right now, please, chase it away. It does either of us no good to keep discussing about useless relationship speculations. I am not romantically involved with Mr. Scott. Or with Doctor McCoy. Or with you. Stop it.”

I have hurt him, and I know it.

“I just… I am sorry.” – he says, moving away from me. “I thought… I am an idiot.”

“An idiot is the farthest thing you are, Jim. Now please… let us proceed. I am looking forward to capturing Harrison and getting this mission over with, so that we can return to our regular routine and to our chess game.”

He smiles, even though the smile does not reach his eyes.

“Is that chess date still on? Given the circumstances?”

“Of course it is. I do not cancel plans.”

He starts to laugh, wholeheartedly this time, and we head towards the shuttle.


	8. 12 PM

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here comes Khan, beautiful and dangerous, but is he really the true enemy?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please be generous with the comments. They matter greatly to me.

 

Jim goes first inside the shuttle and I follow him. As I am preparing to close the shuttle door, someone’s foot suddenly prevents me from doing so.

“Don’t break my leg, hobgoblin!” – I recognize Leonard’s voice.

As I re-open the shuttle door, he comes inside, carrying his portable medical kit. He has also changed out of medical blue uniform and into black civilian clothes.

“What are you doing here, Bones?!” – Jim asks, surprised, as he is quite certain he did not order him to come along.

“Watching your backs” – he says, sitting down on a chair.

I find his attitude so normal – I do not even stop to think why – that I begin strapping on the safety belts over his chest, as Leonard does not have much experience with shuttlecrafts.

“Bones, unless I have suddenly grown old and senile, I did not say you could come!”

“Well, I’m coming anyway.”

“But – “

“Kid. We’re not separating. That’s final.”

Jim stands up and comes to us. I calmly continue to get Leonard ready for flight.

“Spock, what are you do- are you both crazy? Spock! Tell him to get down.”

“Why? An away team is always in great need of a doctor.”

“Ffffhhhh” – Jim says and he returns to his seat.

I am quite positive it was the beginning of a curse word. I finish tying Leonard to his chair – it is a strangely enjoyable activity – and I repeat the procedure with Jim. Their safety is my concern.

“I can strap my own seatbelt”, Jim protests, but not very seriously.

I decide not to answer, I finish and I sit down on the piloting chair. I take a moment to adjust my gloves. The consoles are full of dust; it disgusts me to even touch them, but I have no choice. I love clean and neat things; perhaps sometimes I exaggerate in my desire to have everything in perfect order – Jim once told me I am slightly “OCD” (whatever that means). But I am Vulcan and I cannot change who I am. I use my elbow to clean the console a bit. As the dust rises, I sneeze.

“Bless you!” – Jim exclaims joyfully.

I believe he means _God bless you_. I should better not engage in a religious discussion right now, as I do not share Jim’s view on the respective divinity.

Leonard says nothing; instead he flips his medical tricorder open and proceeds to scan me. Some things will simply never change.

We are on our way towards Kronos, taking the longer route, to avoid detection.

“If I may inquire, Captain, who did you leave in command?”

“Sulu.” – Jim says, proudly.

“What??” – Leonard exclaims.

“What was unclear?” – Jim inquires.

Sadly, I can now notice the same type of restrained verbal aggression between Jim and Leonard as it was between both of them and Scotty. Now that Scotty is no longer aboard the Enterprise – and therefore no longer a rival for them, they turned against each other, and it breaks my heart.

“Well, Sulu’s a good man, but he’s no captain! Dammit Jim, he’s 27!”

“I’m 25, Bones.”

“Huh?! Yeah, you’re right. I keep forgetting. I am on a ship full of kids.”

“For all that matters, Doctor, I am 35.”

“Which makes you the only adult here”, he starts to laugh.

“I will have to contradict you, Leonard. Vulcans achieve maturity at 40 years old. Until then, according to our tradition, they are minors and the property of their Fathers.”

“Ugh.” – Leonard exclaims, horrified by the thought. “So you’re the property of Sarek?”

“Affirmative.”

“That’s… disturbing.”

“It may seem so, but I assure you, he is treating me very well.”

“That’s why he asks you to kneel?”

“He does not ask me to kneel, Leonard. I do it out of my own will, as a sign of respect towards the being that gave me life. He is the only relative I have left.”

The assertion makes them sad all of a sudden, as they remember the useless, painful death of my beloved mother, Amanda.

“I am detecting a single life-sign in the Ketha province” – I announce them after having completed my scans. Given the information provided by Mr. Scott when he analysed the transwarp beaming device, this is most likely John Harrison.”

Jim opens a channel to the Enterprise.

“Mr. Sulu, I think we found our man! Let him know you mean business.”

After a brief pause, we hear the young Lieutenant speaking:

<Attention, John Harrison! This is Captain Hikaru Sulu of the U.S.S. Enterprise. A shuttle of highly trained officers is on its way to your location. If you don’t surrender to them immediately, I will unleash the entire payload of advanced long-range torpedoes, currently locked on to your location. You have two minutes to confirm your compliance. Your refusal to do so will result in your **obliteration** > – he stresses the last word, as if savouring it. <If you test me, you will fail.>

Jim and Leonard exchange looks.

“Still think it was a bad idea to leave that _kid_ in command?”

Leonard lets out a whistle of admiration.

“Remind me never to piss him off.” – he responds, much to Jim’s satisfaction.

“It is unlikely that Harrison will come willingly” – I remind my colleagues. “I calculate the odds of him trying to kill us at 91.6 percent.”

“Fantastic” – Jim says, and I am well aware he finds the piece of information I have just given completely useless.

Our shuttle is suddenly hit by a disruptor blast.

“What was that?” – Jim asks.

“One D-4 Klingon ship on pursuit.” – I respond, checking the radar. “It appears we are in danger. Our shuttle has no offensive capabilities at all.”

“I thought this sector was abandoned!” – Leonard exclaims, cuddling on his chair and wishing he had a place where to hide – he dislikes everything that is connected to guns and he constantly refuses to take part in any training that implies weapons.

“It must be a random patrol” – Jim speculates. “We’ll lose them in a moment, just hold on. Spock, give me all six fuel cells.”

“Aye, Captain”, I respond, according to regulations, and I fulfil his order.

“I’m taking over navigation” – he informs me, rerouting helm controls to his station.

He is a formidable pilot; I have no worries. However, the Klingon patrol is getting closer and closer to our position.

“They are closing fast, Captain, bearing 285.”

“I see them” – he informs me calmly, after which he suddenly rotates the shuttle hard to port, on a 90-degree angle, and we slide between two tall structures, the distance between them – no bigger than 10 meters. We screech the walls at different moments and Leonard screams.

To say that we have done a dangerous piloting manoeuvre would be an understatement. At last, we reach an opening and we continue our flight path.

“That was crazy! Are you trying to kill us?” – Leonard snaps t Jim.

“Absolutely” – he answers illogically, laughing as the adrenalin inundates his mind body. He is exhilarated and proud of what he has done.

“Very good work, Captain.” – I tell him, and he beams at the compliment.

“You are both crazy!” – Leonard decides.

“No one invited you along.”

“You wouldn’t survive for five minutes without me…”

Their banter is somehow friendlier.

All of a sudden, I spot three more ships closing in on our location. A communications channel is being abruptly open and someone is ordering us something which I cannot understand, in the Klingon language. I recognize the word  _Doghjey_  which means  _Surrender_  - let us just hope I am mistaken...

"What do they want, Spock?" - Jim asks, maintaining the position of the shuttle while three bright spotlights are pointed towards us. We are in grave danger. 

<<bISaqQo’chugh vaj bIHegh. DaH ma!>> \- we now hear, louder, over the speakers. 

"Spock??"

"The universal translator does not recognize the dialect, but it is logical to assume they are ordering us to land and to surrender. And given what we know about Klingons, they will most probably question us, torture us, and... kill us."

"Why did I even..." - Leonard whispers.

"Okay. We're landing and we're going out fighting."

"I don't fight anyone!" - Leonard decides.

"The Captain's suggestion is sound, Leonard. I will protect you."

He looks at me and he is momentarily speechless. Meanwhile, Jim conveys orders to the members of the security team which have accompanied us and lands our shuttle. Immediately, we are surrounded by hostile Klingon ships. Jim does not open the shuttle door, but I know very well we cannot delay this much longer.

<<chugh DaH ma!!>> \- the Klingon orders.

“That must be _Come on out_.” – Jim says.

“Affirmative” – I respond, as suddenly the universal translation starts functioning. “I will go talk to them.”

“Huh? No way!!” – both Jim and Leonard protest.

“Captain, Doctor. Let me remind you that there are no conflicts between Vulcans and Klingons. They should trust me – to some point – at least I hope so. None of you would stand a chance in front of them.”

“And your chance of survival is…?”

“I calculate the odds of surviving at 5.42 percent.”

“Those are pretty low odds.”

I decide to stop speculating about how long will I survive the current encounter and I open the shuttle door. I am well armed, but I carry no weapon in my hands so that the Klingons could see that I have no hostile intentions.

I advance coolly towards the group of Klingons and once more I consider the fact that I can control my emotions a true blessing, given the circumstances. As I advance, I feel Jim and Leonard’s gaze upon me, they are afraid and they have reasons to be so. Once more in a single day, my life is in extreme danger. I wonder what happened to our peaceful days of exploration…

“Greetings.” – I speak, while the Universal Translator converts my salutation into the Klingon _Qapla_. “I am here to help you.”

After they comprehend what I am saying, they immediately start laughing. I wonder what was so amusing. Perhaps the Universal Translator is mixing the words. That would not be very helpful under current circumstances.

“A terrorist is hiding behind these ruins.” – I continue. “He has killed and injured many of our people. You are in danger.”

“One man will never be dangerous to a squad of Klingons” – he speaks with pride, after which he takes a fistful of my uniform, staring at me with mock curiosity. Through the touch, I can tell he is assessing the best and most pleasant way to kill me, so that he could provide a bit of entertainment for his team.

I look at him unimpressed. A single jolt of fear would release adrenalin onto my body, to which Klingons are hypersensitive. It would just excite them further.

“You made a mistake coming here.” – he announces me. “Now you will die.”

“Do Klingons have such little honour left?” – I ask him, on a daring tone. While I wanted to remind him that random killing is considered an act of savagery and is generally seen as a cowardice on Kronos, it appears that my words have the opposite effect. He suddenly starts screaming, right in my face, and attempts to lift me from the ground. I take advantage of the situation and I hit him in his stomach with my knee, rolling down and pulling a knife out of his boot – I was easy, skimming through his thoughts, to pick up the exact location of the weapon as well as to anticipate his intentions. It gave me a small advantage.

Behind me, I can hear Jim rushing out shooting, together with the security team.

I manage to take out one of my opponents – I almost didn’t see him coming – by a neck-pinch, and furthermore I utilise the knife and my two phasers to protect myself and to take out as many as I can.

I can notice Jim doing a very good job as well, trying to prevent any Klingons from approaching the shuttle, where Leonard remained hidden.

It really seems that today is not our lucky day. More Klingons arrive and very soon we are surrounded. Jim and myself position back-to back, so that we can have an ample angle of shooting – we will fight to the last bit of strength, but we are severely outnumbered. But just when I thought we were in a hopeless situation, I spot a silhouette on a high rock, about 30 meters from our location, starting to fire in our direction – using multiple guns.

Who is he? I wonder.

“Fuck” – Jim curses. “It’s exactly what we needed – Harrison!”

“I do not believe he is Harrison, Captain – he is firing at the Klingons, not at us – did you call for back-up?”

“I did not.”

We take advantage of the situation – more than ten Klingons have fallen in the last 2 minutes, and we rush to take cover behind a fallen wall, from where we continue to fire. It seems that the odds of our survival are constantly improving.

No sooner than thinking that, a Klingon approaches me from behind – I did not pay attention, and it looks like he has me at a disadvantage. There is no time to reach for my weapon – but all of a sudden he collapses on his knees, and then to the ground, face down. To my complete astonishment, I spot Leonard behind him, having shut him with a phaser.  That may very well be the first time I have seen him firing a gun.

“Leonard!” – I say and I rush to him. I take his arm and I pull him behind him, shielding him with my own body. “Thank you.” – I add.

“Yeah…” – he says, and I feel guilt coursing through him at the idea of having shot someone. I will have to make up to him – he saved my life.

Jim is staring at Harrison. In disbelief. Shocked. He cannot believe his own eyes, but yes – John Harrison, the man who attacked a room filled with unarmed, innocent Starfleet Officers, is helping us in our battle against Klingons. Something is very wrong here – and my logic does not help.

Singlehandedly, he takes down the entire squad of Klingons – thirty-seven soldiers. Killing ONE Klingon is a test which not very many people are able to pass – what to speak of thirty-seven? He looks superhuman, strong and cynical, killing as if it brought him pleasure and satisfaction – as if the Klingons were inanimate characters in a video-game. It appears we have underestimated our enemy – he is much dangerous than we thought.

The Klingons killed, Harrison is heading straight towards us. I jump up, arming my gun and aiming straight at his chest.

He advances as if I am not even there.

“Stand down!” – I order him.

Jim is just staring at him, his eyes narrowed, he did not even reach for his gun – Harrison could kill him in seconds.

“How many torpedoes?” – he asks.

“Stand down!” – I repeat, but Harrison fires a single shot of his gun and my own weapon flies from my hand some 10 meters away.

I stand defenceless in front of him. To my pure shock and horror, he points the gun towards Jim.

“The torpedoes. The weapons you threatened me with in your message. How many are they? Answer me, or I will shatter your Captain.”

How does he know Jim is our Captain?

“Seventy-two” – I answer. I do wonder why does he want to know such an irrelevant piece of information, when a single one of these torpedoes would blast a hole half the size of our saucer-section, killing every living being in that radius.

The gun pointed at Jim’s chest simply makes my blood freeze. Jim is standing still, gazing at Harrison with eyes full of hatred, and says absolutely nothing at all, as if he does not even care if the bastard is going to shoot him. I have been so weak as to let my own Captain face this grave danger. How will I be able to live, if Harrison pulls the trigger? I have completely failed him.

But then – Harrison does the most unexpected thing.

“I surrender.” – he says, and throws his own gun at my feet.

I need a moment to recover from surprise. I pick the gun and I point it at him. The danger has passed – Jim’s life is no longer in danger.

Jim finally stands up, advancing towards Harrison, his eyes blazing. He gathers all his strength and punches Harrison hard, straight in the face, with pure, unhidden hatred.

With the corner of my eye, I see Leonard flinching – he cannot stand such useless violence, and I am also puzzled – it is unlike Jim to hit a defenceless man.

“I accept your surrender.” – Jim then says. “Cuff him, Commander.” – he addresses me, carefully avoiding to use my name, so as not to provide Harrison with any other piece of information he might use.

I give him the gun and I advance towards Harrison.

“Your hands.” – I request.

He extends his hands towards me, those hands which have just taken down an entire squad of Klingons! – and I place the cuffs around his wrists, securing them with my fingerprint. I point towards the shuttle and we all head that way, Leonard instinctively coming near me. He is unwell, I can feel it. Witnessing this much violence has made him sick, physically sick, and seeing an unknown face of Jim has shocked him to the core. I take his arm, without much fuss, allowing him to lean heavily on me.

“We shall be fine…” – I murmur to him.

“Yeah… I… I don’t know…” – he confesses hesitatingly.

We reach the shuttle.

“Take the helm” – Jim orders me. “I’m gonna keep an eye on him.”

“Very well, Captain.”

I take Leonard with me to the front of the shuttle and I start engines – the flight back lasts twenty-two standard minutes.

We are all very tired and overly silent.

Harrison is sitting down where Jim told him to, his face reflecting no emotions at all, and I cannot help but wonder what is going on in that formidable mind – an escape plan? That is highly unlikely on the Enterprise. Why did he surrender? He could have killed us all. He could have gotten away from us extremely easy. No – he wants to get to the Enterprise. Does he want to take over our ship? It would be rather difficult to take down 360 people.

I wish I could touch him and have a glimpse into his plans, no matter how unethical and un-Vulcan that would be, but of course I cannot for now.

I resolve to find a way to do this – perhaps when we escort him to the brig.

Yes – a good idea.

Jim stands still near Khan. I have never seen him so speechless. I sense a strange resolve forming in his consciousness – the desire to have this man answer for all the horrible deeds he has done.

“Why do you think he surrendered?” – Leonard whispers to me.

“I do not know…” – I whisper back. “But I am afraid he has his plans and he is just using us. This is not the type of man who simply surrenders.”

Leonard gazes at Harrison and Jim thoughtfully.

“I have never seen…”

“Do not use any names, Doctor” – I warn him.

“…our friend – so upset.” – Leonard voices his perplexity at Jim’s behaviour.

“Not even when he punched me in the face on the Bridge and I had him marooned on Delta Vega?”

“Oh, don’t remind me of that, crazy hobgoblin! You and your ideas…” – he mumbles, but I can sense his affection.

Even though it is an event from five years ago, we all have fond memories of it, even Jim who had been chased by various wild animals on that planet, met a future version of me and ran into Montgomery Scott. All in all, we did some great things together, even though they had started poorly.

Who knows – maybe something good will come out of the current mission as well, even though it did not start very well. I suddenly remember we do not have a good Chief Engineer (I really do not trust Ensign Chekov’s expertise in Engineering) and our ship had suffered a malfunction which may – or may not be solved. We shall soon find out.

“Well, if he plans on running away on our Starship” – Leonard says – “it is quite good that our Warp core has decided to malfunction.”

I haven’t thought of things that way.

“Your optimism, Doctor, is… refreshing. But you do have a point. It is both good and bad that we are in no position to travel for the moment. It gives us a little time to plot a strategy for the hours to come.”

“Boy, what a day…” – Leonard sighs.

He is right. I cannot remember the last time I have had such a difficult day. It is only midday and so much has happened. As humans would put it… a lifetime of events. We have risked our lives so many times. I really wish we could stop doing this.

At least Mr. Scott is safe. I wonder if he met with my Father and what they are doing. As for my own… problem, my Fever is slowly, slowly increasing and it will very soon start to cloud my judgement. I hope we will be on our way to Earth before that happens. My Captain needs a First Officer with a clear mind.

I must speak to my Beloved. I know that. My Father has also ordered me to and it would be illogical not to. If not now, not today, when? I must tell him how I feel. How much longer will I be able to hide?

And what if I tell him and he refuses to help me through the Time? That is also a possibility. I will live such humiliation. But then again, what choice do I have?

The Ponn Farr is such a horror – a biological horror. I dread the Time, even though my co-natives look forward to it, seeing it as the moment when they finally reach maturity, stepping into adulthood. The Time should manifest for the first time at the age of forty. I am only thirty-five but I presume it is because I am half-human and my biology is slightly different from that of a full-blooded Vulcan. It would have helped to have five more years. It would have given me time to build a pathway to the heart of my Beloved – gently, slowly, as I love to do things.

This way, I must hurry. And I do not like it.

We have reached the Enterprise. I signal for a full security team to be present and I land the shuttle in the shuttlebay, shutting down the consoles and picking my gun on my way to the door.

I have time to observe the way Jim looks at Harrison – he would shatter him to pieces. Such hatred! I would have never thought my Captain capable of it.

I take advantage of the moment and I touch Harrison’s arm, to be able to have a glimpse of his mind.

He turns his head towards me and looks straight into my eyes.

 


	9. 1 PM

“Go on, I dare you.” – he says, looking straight into my eyes. “Read my mind, Vulcan.”

I swallow hard, while Jim stops and stares at us. My hand is still on Harrison’s arm, but I perceive nothing, as if his mind is a void, as if it is not even there. He gives me a small, superior smile.

“I thought it was unethical to attempt to read someone’s mind without his specific consent.”

“You have just given me consent” – I remind him.

“You touched me before that.”

“ENOUGH” – Jim snaps at both of us. “Commander, leave him alone. He is a prisoner aboard a Federation Starship, he will be treated fairly by everyone. He will face judgement and pay for his actions in due time.”

“Captain…” – I try.

“I said… Leave. Him. Alone.”

Leonard gives me a worried look. Jim is behaving strangely and I am unsure why. Mr. Harrison is a dangerous criminal whom we must guard until our arrival back to Earth, many hours from now. It would not hurt to know if he plans to escape, or to harm any of us, or to…

“Escort Mr. Harrison to the brig and lock him up.” – Jim says to the security team which was standing by, waiting for our arrival in the shuttlebay.

“Yes, Captain” – Mr. Hendorf acknowledges and they surround Mr. Harrison.

As soon as they are out of our sight, Jim finally takes a deep breath. He looks beaten, shattered inside. Leonard takes his arms and drags him towards Medical Bay.

“What are you doing, Bones?” – he protests.

“I am taking you to MedBay to run a scan. You took quite a beating down there.”

“Bones, I don’t have time for this, I must return to – “

“I am STILL the Chief Medical Officer of this bloody ship” – Leonard says on a threatening tone. “And I am pretty sure that my authority outranks your useless protests, as for whatever the hell you wanna do on the Bridge right now, it can fucking wait.”

Jim narrows his eyes at his friend, but says nothing, allowing Leonard to simply pull him along on the corridors. I follow them, just because I know Leonard will want to run scans of myself too, and there is no point in delaying this and irritating him further.

“Out!” – Leonard snaps at his staff as soon as we enter the Medical Bay’s Examination Room One.

They must be pretty much used to his temper, because they do get out. I feel sorry for them. He should not treat people like that.

We are alone, just the three of us, once more. Leonard pushes Jim on a biobed and starts scanning him. I am relieved that Leonard does not ask me to leave the room as well, because I would not be separated from them. All my instincts tell me that we must stay together – the three of us (if only Mr. Scott were here too…)

“I’ll regenerate this bad wound on your forehead, it almost reaches your eye, good God, who hit you and with what?”

“I believe a Klingon soldier hit him with a bat’leth, Doctor.”

“Stupid Klingons.”

“Ouch! What the fuck, Bones! It hurts.”

Jim’s colourful language makes me cringe inside – I just cannot stand curse words, and he knows it very well.

“It hurts, it hurts. Hold on. I am almost done.”

I want to lean against Jim’s biobed as I am extremely tired, but by mistake I lean on Jim’s ankle.

“Gah!!” – Jim exclaims again. “Dammit, Spock!”

Startled, I do not remove my hand.

“Does your ankle hurt, Captain?”

“Damn right it does! Everything hurts right now.”

“Don’t be such a baby”, Leonard comments, but I am quite certain that Jim cannot possibly feel pain in all his body. Something else is troubling him, something else hurts him. My hand is still on his ankle – I can perceive his troubled state of mind, his agitation and pain due to a violent emotion which has overwhelmed him – hatred – hatred? I never knew he could hate so fiercely. Hatred toward John Harrison.

Jim is a man who feels everything intensely. Just as love, hate also consumes him. He would tear him down, kill him with his bare hands, strangle him. Yes – I sense in him the vivid desire to kill John Harrison. I am grateful he did not give into this horrible instinct – it would have been most unfortunate if Jim murdered the prisoner we were sent to capture. But why, why such hate? Was it because Harrison was responsible for injuring and killing so many people already? There were other murderers too. We had met Nero – the one man who had killed billions of lives by destroying my home planet, five years ago – but not even then did I feel so much hatred from Jim’s part.

No, it was something new and very intense.

Also, he was no longer obsessively thinking of me – which was good in the current situation.

Leonard finished treating Jim’s head wound and ran another complete body scan.

“Your ankle’s fine. Spoiled brat. Come on, get down. It’s Spock’s turn.”

Jim jumps down and stretches, paging his yeoman to come with his uniform. Leonard scans me thoroughly.

“Your, um…”

“I know.” – I say. There is no need for him to remind me that my Fever increases. I can feel it myself and it brings me enough misery.

Jim raises one brow at us, wondering what the hell we are talking about, but unlike other times I do not feel him become tense and jealous. He merely dresses in his Bridge uniform which his yeoman brought, and waits for me to do the same, so that we can return to the Bridge – I presume.

“Bones, after you are done with Spock –“ – why does that expression give me shivers? “– we shall all go to the Brig. I want you to take a blood-sample from Harrison and confirm his identity. Also, perhaps you could see how the hell did he manage to take down an entire squad of Klingons, all by himself. Is he an android, or what the fuck?”

“Okay” – Leonard answered calmly, and went to collect the tools which were necessary for the requested operation. He knew that any comment against Jim’s will right now would degenerate into a fight, and fights were the last thing we needed right now.

I must say it is pleasant to hear Leonard complying to an order this quickly. It does not happen often.

I also change out of the civilian clothes into my Starfleet blue and together we proceed towards the Brig.

“It looks like we have a superman on board” – Leonard comments.

“Very much so, and I wanna know what’s with him and why, and how can we use this in our own advantage.”

As soon as we arrive to the Brig, strangely enough, I sense Jim’s nerves settling down. He steps back, allowing Leonard to talk to the prisoner.

Confident as if all his life he had done just that – picking blood samples from murderers – Leonard presses a few buttons on the forcefield which closes Harrison’s cell.

“Put your arm through the hole. I’m gonna take a blood sample.”

Harrison advances slowly and rolls up the sleeve of his black shirt, after which he slides his arm through the hole indicated by Leonard.

I tense – as if I expect Harrison to simply strangle Leonard through it, even though he is held at gunpoint and he realizes I would break his arm at the smallest offensive gesture.

He does not do anything offensive. His eyes are locked with Jim’s. He is not interested in the blood sample, in Leonard or myself in the least. No. His object of interest, the only one, is my Captain.

Leonard passes his index finger over Harrison’s arm, in order to locate a good vein. As soon as he does so, he inserts the needle of the blood collector, with gentleness. Leonard is a doctor – a caregiver, that is the essence of his being. He would not even harm a criminal – if he can help it.

Harrison does not flinch. He is staring at Jim and it deeply disturbs me. Of course, Jim is the Captain; he gathered that much. But what does Harrison intend to do – because I do not have a single doubt that he –

“Why aren’t we moving… Captain?” – Harrison suddenly asks, his voice soft, warm, almost hypnotic.

Leonard glares at him through the forcefield. There is such a contradiction between Leonard’s movements, actions… and his eyes. So much contradictions in one person.

Jim chooses not to respond to the question, he merely looks at our enemy, silent, expressionless – but I know that deep within, he barely controls his emotions – rage, fury, hatred… (and I still cannot understand why).

“An… unexpected malfunction, perhaps in the warp core, conveniently stranding you on the edge of Klingon space?”

Jim’s blood runs cold – I can feel him tense even more near me.

“How the hell do you know that?” – Leonard asks him between his teeth, he himself barely concealing his anger.

“Bones. Shut. Up.” – the Captain orders.

Leonard goes silent, but the damage has been done, he has confirmed Harrison that we are currently facing an engine malfunction and we are unable to depart.

“I think you’d find my insight valuable, Captain.” – Harrison once more speaks, ever so calmly. Now I understand Jim’s frustration, as well as his compulsion to simply hit this man repeatedly until he loses consciousness.

“Are you done, Doctor?” – Jim asks Leonard, once more carefully avoiding the use of any proper names.

“I’m good.”

“Then report to MedBay. Let me know what you find.”

Leonard frowns at him, and then at me. He does not want to be separated from us, but he must go to MedBay as that is the place where he works, and the Captain and myself must return to the Bridge – there is much to do.

“I mean, now…” – Jim tells Leonard once more, seeing how he refuses to move – the Doctor finally leaves. Seeing him leaving does give me an uneasy feeling.

Jim looks at me and signals me to accompany him to the Bridge. We are done here.

“Ignore me and you will get everyone on this ship killed.” – Harrison speaks once more.

Jim stops. I stop as well. I do not like this. The prisoner continues to provoke him, to taunt him, to elicit an emotional response, and apparently he succeeded.

“Captain, I believe he will only attempt to manipulate you” – I tell him. “I would not recommend engaging the prisoner further.”

“Just – “ he says, biting his lips and making tremendous efforts to calm himself – he seems on the verge of a mental breakdown, I have never seen him like this – “Just give me a moment. Stay here.”

“Captain?” – I ask, not really understanding what he is asking of me.

But I do understand in the next second, as Jim returns to Harrison’s cell. He crosses his arms behind his back.

“Let me explain what is happening here…” – he tells Harrison, his eyes blazing once more. “You are a CRIMINAL! I watched you open fire in a room full of innocent men and women! I was authorised to END you!” – he raises his voice, while Harrison is watching him speak with the same calm demeanour. “And the only reason you are still alive is because I am allowing it!! So shut up!!”

As Humans put it, Jim is very much on the verge of _losing it_.

“And what are you going to do, Captain? Are you going to punch me again, over and over again, until your arm weakens? Why did you – and _do you_ allow me to live?”

“We all make mistakes…” – Jim murmurs – and even from where I am, four meters behind him, I can feel his heartache as he speaks these words.

“No, Captain. It was the other way around.” – Harrison says, coming closer to the forcefield, as if he wanted to touch Jim through it – an impossible endeavour, of course, but it still makes me shiver and I come closer to them – no harm can come to Jim, I will not tolerate this anymore.

“What the hell do you mean?”

“If you remember correctly, it was I who spared your life. Moreover, I surrendered to you – because, despite your attempt to convince me otherwise, you seem to have a conscience, Mr. Kirk.” – Harrison adds, stressing Jim’s name, as if savouring it, and I do wonder where did he pick it from – because if he did so aboard the Enterprise, then we have serious security breaches.

Jim is momentarily speechless. I wish I could just drag him away from there!

“And it is only because you are an honest individual, I believe it is possible for me to convince you of the truth.”

“What truth?” – Jim says, somewhat less aggressively.

“23-17-46-11. Coordinates not far from Earth. Take a look. You will understand more – much more than I am able to convey. And if you want to be convinced that I am not trying to lure you into a trap, have Mr. Spock meld with me.”

Not only that he knows my Captain’s name, but he also knows mine. I believe he is simply playing with us.

“How do you know our names?” – Jim asks.

“Please, Captain. Do you actually believe there is someone in this Quadrant that doesn’t know you?”

He is quite right here – sometimes I wish we were not so famous. As I am the only Vulcan in Starfleet – what did I expect? To remain anonymous?

“Give me one good reason to listen to you.”

“I can give you seventy-two” – he says, staring straight into Jim’s eyes.

“Seventy-two…?”

“The torpedoes. Captain…” – he hesitates.

“Yes?”

“Do not fire those torpedoes. Get your ship out of here. Should the Klingons detect you, you and your crew stand no chance at all.”

He is right about that. Should enemy ships detect us, we would be destroyed in a matter of minutes. Enterprise would not be able to face an attack launched by a Klingon Bird-of-Prey – not to mention the fact that Klingons rarely send only one ship to face an enemy.

“Captain.“ – Harrison says again, this time on a softer tone. “I will respond for my crimes. I will plead guilty. I am ready to do anything you ask. Just do not fire those torpedoes.”

“Why?”

“You would not believe me, even if I told you why. Open one up and see for yourself.”

Jim’s expression softens.

“Get some rest” – he tells the prisoner – and I can hardly believe my ears. Does he actually show _concern_ , _compassion_ for him? Humans will never cease to puzzle me – “you will need it for later, when they interrogate you.”

“Interrogate me yourself, Captain. It is you who captured me.”

“We’ll see.”

Jim finally turns away. It was terrible to be privy to such a conversation – I am more confused than ever. What were those coordinates which Harrison gave to Jim, and why does he want him to look inside a torpedo? How do we even do that?”

He takes my arm – surprisingly, I cannot perceive anything from him this time – and we proceed towards the Bridge. He is thinking. He flips his communicator open and he stops on the catwalk uniting Engineering with the Bridge.

“Hello, Scotty?” – Jim says. He listens for a moment, puzzled. “May I speak to Scotty, please? It’s urgent.”

Why had someone else answered Mr. Scott’s communicator, I wonder?

“It was your Dad” – Jim informs me.

That may very well be the strangest thing which happened all day. My Father answering Scotty’s communicator.

Seconds after, I can hear Scotty yelling at Jim, so loudly that the communicator’s speaker buzzes unpleasantly.

“WHAT IS IT NOW?”

“Sco – Scotty, what are you doing, are you alright?”

“I AM BUSY! WHAT DO YOU WANT?”

“Please write down these coordinates and check them out. 23-17-46-11.”

Jim pauses for a second.

“Are you writing?”

“WHAT? YOU THINK I CANNAE REMEMBER FOUR NUMBERS?”

“Scotty, stop yelling, I can hear you very well.”

“Right.” – he continues to speak – I can still hear him though, despite being one meter away from Jim.

“Well? Did you write them?”

“I said I can remem- wait, what was the third one?”

“Forty-six.” – Jim repeats, with exasperation – which I share.

“Cool.”

“What in the hell are you doing Scotty, anyway? Are you with Sarek?”

“Yeah.”

“Where?”

“Yeah.”

Jim gives me a confused look. Scotty barely makes any sense.

“You may have been right about those torpedoes” – Jim says, trying to wake him up to reality – his Engineer – or former Engineer to be more precise – seemed intoxicated.

“Whoa’… I will consider that an apology! And I will consider that apology!” – Scotty says.

Jim smiles.

“You’re the one who quit…”

“YOU MADE ME QUIT!!!” – Scotty yells at him again, after which – the communication abruptly ends.

“Mr. Scott? Sco- ffffffhhhhhhh” – Jim sighs, flips his communicator shut and puts it in his pocket, after which he resumes walking towards the Bridge. I follow him.

“What was going on with him, Captain?” – I ask, worried.

“I have no idea, Spock. He was with your dad. Who answers his communicator.”

“Perhaps Mr. Scott is feeling ill” – I suggest, as no other explanation for such a puzzling behaviour comes to my mind.

“Feeling ill, my ass”, Jim exclaims, and as we reach the elevator, he angrily pushes the button.

Minutes after, we arrive on the Bridge.

“I need Leonard” – he informs me. “Page him.”

“But Captain, you have just sent him to MedBay to analyse Harrison’s blood. If you interrupt his work – “

“I need him to help you with the torpedo, Spock. Page him.”

He needs Leonard to do WHAT?

In the past 5.23 minutes I have been privy to more than one example of utterly puzzling behaviour. First, Scotty – which for some reason is in my Father’s apartment – and I am sure of that, because they are together, and it is unlikely for my Father to go somewhere – the others come to him – and now, Jim, giving contradictory orders, having just had a very strange conversation with our prisoner, and now calling our Chief Medical Officer to the Bridge to help with – with?

Alas! I do hope Jim has a plan. He always did, and he always does, even if my logic is helpless at the beginning. But I must confess that most of the plans he drafted during our missions, despite of being reckless and even strange, they were effective and that is all that matters, after all.

I send a brief message to Leonard: <Please report to the Bridge. Captain’s orders.>

The response comes as expected – at least, Leonard is predictable:

<I’m busy.>

I reply:

<I know. Do come, however.>

Leonard comes moments after – he is wearing surgical clothes, his sleeves are rolled up, exposing his delicate hands – he looks at me quizzically.

I point towards Jim, who is currently sitting on his chair, calculating something on his console.

“Ahem. Did you want something, Captain?” – Leonard asks him, rather formally, which is a clear indicator of how annoyed he actually is.

“Wait, please.” – he says, as he needs to finish what he is currently doing. “Spock there is a planetoid 34 kilometres to Starboard bow. Run a scan and gravitational sensors. Does it have a breathable atmosphere?”

I have absolutely no idea what Jim is trying to do, but since he is so irritable right now, I refrain from asking any questions. I sit down at my station and I run the requested scan.

“80% nitrogen oxygen atmosphere, Captain. 10 degrees Celsius. No traces of vegetal or animal life. Volcanic soil, composed of – “

“Thank you, Mr. Spock. Therefore, the air is breathable, albeit a bit cold.”

“Affirmative, Captain.”

“Good. Come here, both of you.”

We approach him; Leonard crosses his arm and gives him his usually-aggressive look. I cross my hands behind my back and I try to maintain a professional demeanour. Jim stands up and paces around, in front of the view-screen, calculating and undoubtedly drafting a new action-plan in his mind.

“We are going to open a torpedo and see what’s inside.”

“I Am Sorry??” – Leonard exclaims, his eyes widened.

“We are going to open –” – Jim attempts to repeat, thinking that maybe Leonard did not understand.

“Are you out of your corn-fed mind?” – Leonard spouts. “You’re not actually going to listen to that guy! He almost killed Pike – not to mention he almost killed you – and now, you’re gonna pop open a torpedo just because he dared you to do so!”

“The Doctor does have a point, Captain” – I finally voice my reluctance to Jim’s plan.

“Don’t agree with me, Spock, it makes me very uncomfortable” – Leonard tells me – right now, he is angry with both of us, even though I share his concern – sometimes I just can’t understand him at all.

“Look, we’re gonna open a torpedo. Spock, you’ll take Leonard with you because he has a very steady hand. You’ll take a shuttle, move the torpedo on that small planetoid and open it there.”

Leonard is suddenly rendered speechless. He is going to assist me in opening a torpedo – yes, unbelievable.

“But I do not think I have the necessary expertise to do so, Captain. If you remember correctly, we do not even have the torpedo specifications.”

“I have already arranged for a video-call with Scotty, who will guide you through the process.”

“Mr. Scott seemed intoxicated.”

“I know. Your Dad solved the problem with a meld minutes ago.”

“How do you know?”

He seems exasperated by the endless stream of questions, but I must understand what is going on.

“I have exchanged text messages with your Dad just minutes ago! He’s taken care of Scotty. Want to see the conversation?”

“Yes, please.” – I say, even though it may be qualified as an indiscretion – but if I am to open a torpedo, I want to make sure it does not explode in my face.

Jim hands me his padd. There is indeed a series of questions and answers between him and my Father.

James Kirk: _< Sir, Mr. Scott needs to assist us in opening a torpedo. I am sending pictures now so that he can remember what it is all about.>_

Sarek: _< He is in no condition to perform the requested job, Captain.>_

James Kirk: _< You mean, he is drunk.>_

Sarek: _< Affirmative.>_

James Kirk: _< I am sure you can take care of the problem. Make him a black coffee and a strong meld. I need him in 20 minutes. Our lives depend on this.>_

Sarek: _< You are largely exaggerating, Captain. Very well. Call back in 20 standard minutes.>_

James Kirk: _< Love you. Bye.>_

I raise one eyebrow at the unusual communication – definitely, no one has any idea how to speak with an Ambassador… but as casual and original as he is, James Kirk determined my Father to meld with a drunk person and assist us in our dangerous endeavour – and I must give him credit for that.

 


	10. 2 PM

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A kiss.

I am trying to get it straight. The Captain wants me and Leonard to go on the nearby planetoid and, guided by Scotty, to open a torpedo. As difficult as it is for me to believe and to accept, the Captain is currently risking the lives of his Chief Medical Officer and First Officer, in an attempt to ascertain if the prisoner John Harrison is being truthful or not. This may very well be the riskiest thing I have done… all day. Perhaps Father was right – Starfleet IS tiresome, exhausting and life-threatening on a daily basis. Let us hope I survive the day.

I get dressed in the special away-mission costume that Leonard had adapted for me, since I do not tolerate low temperatures well, and I wait for him to arrive. The torpedo is already in the bay of the shuttle and I must pilot it with extreme care – we still do not know what we are dealing with, and I would rather not take any unnecessary risks.

Leonard arrives, carrying a heavy case. I pick it from his hands and take it inside the shuttle.

“Leonard, I have told you at least three-hundred and forty-five times not to lift heavy objects by yourself. You are a Doctor!” – I scold him. “You should take care of yourself first and foremost.”

“Awww, hobgoblin, do I detect concern?” – he laughs. He has decided that this mission is so ridiculous and insane, that the only possible approach about it is to be light-hearted and mock at everything.

“I was merely attempting to ascertain that a Doctor with injured hands is not of much use to the crew.”

He punches me in the shoulder, giggling, and sits down near me on the co-pilot chair.

“Leonard, do not touch me so casually, please.”

“Why? I do that all the time and you are not being so surly about it.”

I sigh.

“You know very well why, Leonard. Today is different.”

“Right, right, sorry. So what happens if I touch you?”

“The touch of another person makes the fever rise. It is already quite elevated, as you are well aware. I am operating under very difficult circumstances.”

I start the engines.

“Seatbelt, Leonard, please.”

He proceeds to strap it on, hopelessly entangling itself in it. He _almost_ makes me smile at times.

I stand and I go to him, proceeding to disentangle him from it and strap it correctly. A very pleasant activity, but I must not think of this. Not now.

“One could say, hobgoblin, that you enjoy tying me up to a chair” – he laughed.

“Do not flirt with me, Leonard.” – I warn him.

“Why?” – he asks, equally light-heartedly, but I know him well, he will soon start to be troubled by the conversation and get upset, then angry.

“We are on duty and we are preparing to open a torpedo. It is best to stay focused. We can flirt later.”

He starts laughing hard. It is pleasant to hear him laugh.

I finally manage to start the engines and we are on our way towards the planetoid.

<Spock, this is the Captain.>

“Yes, Captain.”

<The uplink with Scotty is functional.>

“What is his… um… state of mind?” – I ask, deeply concerned.

<Your Father’s with him. Scotty’s quite sober, albeit… um… tired. He won’t accept my apology.>

“If I were him, Captain, I would also give it a second thought.”

He ignores the blatant reproach from my part.

<Advise when you are in position. Kirk out.>

I cannot help but thinking that Scotty may have been right all along about the torpedoes, that he tried to be thorough and warn us about them, and right now look at me, going to attempt to open one.

“What are our chances of surviving, Spock?” – Leonard asks me, suddenly serious.

“I calculate the odds to be no more than 4.3%”

“Those are very low odds.”

“I am well aware. Leonard, I do not know how to open a quantum torpedo. And you do not know either. We are attempting to do this together, guided by our Engineer via a video transmission. What are the chances of our survival?”

He remains speechless for a few moments.

“Yeah… Not really a lot of chances. Listen, Spock – “

“No, no, Leonard. You will not.”

“I will not – _what?_ ”

“You will not tell me _this_ , not now.”

“How the hell do you know what I wanted to say?”

I lift one eyebrow at him upon hearing such a childish question.

“Right, right. Okay. Fuck.”

I wonder how is it that every time I get into a shuttle, I end up _almost_ having dangerous discussions about my feelings and private life. _The_ discussion.

We remain silent for a while and I carefully land on the planetoid, picking the flattest place I can find for the dangerous operation we are about to undertake.

Leonard is running short-range sensors before we open the shuttle door, to make sure that the atmosphere is breathable.

“Spock, it’s cold. Get your gloves.”

His care for my well-being warms my heart once more. I pick up the gloves and I put them on – he is gazing at me as if he made an inventory of my gestures.

Very carefully, we step out.

<Spock, what is your situation?> \- I suddenly hear Jim’s voice through my open communicator.

“We have landed on the planetoid, Captain. We are moving the torpedo in the position now. Please advise Mr. Scott to stand by.”

<He is already standing by. We are broadcasting the operation to John Harrison. He also offered his assistance.>

“How could he possibly help?”

<Ask him yourself.>

“Can he hear me now, Captain?”

<Yes, Spock.>

“How can you be of assistance, Mr. Harrison?” – I ask him.

<Hello again, Mr. Spock.  I can provide specific guidelines concerning the war-head and its disassembling.>

“What guarantee do I have that by following your instructions, the torpedo will not blow up?”

<Other than my word, I can offer you no guarantees.>

His word? Is he even serious?

“Thank you. I would prefer the assistance of Mr. Scott.”

Harrison had no comments. Really, his impertinence and cruelty knew no limits, it seemed.

“You know” – Leonard pouted, as I had just finished beaming the torpedo on the planetoid’s soil and I was busy establishing the uplink with Scotty via a portable padd – “when I dreamt being stuck with you on a deserted planet, there was no torpedo” – he said laughing serenely one more time.

“Leonard, please behave yourself, the entire Bridge is privy to our conversation.”

“Spock, we are going to die. I am sorry to inform you, but this is a bad moment to behave myself.”

“Leonard, we are not going to die. Not if I can help it…”

As soon as I finished speaking those words, the familiar figure of Montgomery Scott appeared on my padd.

“Hello, Mr. Scott” – I greet him. It is very good to see you.”

<Hello Mr. Spock.> – he says, rather coldly.

I gather he feels guilty for something which eludes my understanding.

“Is my Father with you?”

 <I am here, Spock> \- and for a moment, the beloved figure of Sarek of Vulcan appears on the screen.

I bow my head with humility. If this should be my last day, my last hour, I am glad I got to see him at least for one more time.

<Thanks for helping out, Leonard> \- Scotty says. <We need a very steady hand for this operation.>

“Not my type of surgery if you ask me, but hey… who am I to comment.”

<Spock, give me a visual of the entire torpedo> \- Scotty demands. <Go around it.>

<Please be very careful not to damage it> \- I suddenly hear Harrison’s voice.

I wish he would just let us do our work in peace. I cannot understand why the Captain added him on our communication channel – he is distracting me. But I decide not to comment. I leave him be and I do what Scotty requested – I go around the torpedo, carefully showing him all the panels, so that he can have a general idea of what he was dealing with.

“I hope your mind is as sharp as ever, Mr. Scott…” – I say on a rather warning tone.

<It has never been sharper; I can assure you of that. Your Father has been kind enough to meld with me and help me focus.>

“You have received a very precious gift, then, Mr. Scott” – I tell him. “My Father does not meld with just anyone. And once your mind is touched by his hand, by his spirit – you are changed forever.”

<I know.> \- Mr. Scott responds. There is a lot hidden in those words. I wonder…

Leonard removes his ring and places it in his pocket so that nothing impedes his work and aligns several tools on a case. He is ready.

<Start by opening the hatch to the fuel compartment. It will give you access to the war-head infrastructure.> \- Scotty instructed.

Spock wanted to take the necessary tool to remove the screws that kept the hatch in place.

<No, Spock, let Leonard do it. The tiniest wrong move can unleash a disaster.>

I sigh. I really, really do not want to let Leonard do this. But he does have the steadiest hands on the ship.

Leonard takes the tool from my hand and proceeds to work slowly, removing six screws and carefully pulling the hatch aside.

<Good, excellent. Pick the isolinear cutter now. Slide your arm along the control panel inside and reach for the bundle of wires, close to the inner casing You’ll need to cut the twenty-third wire down. Whatever you do, do not touch anything else. Do you understand?>

“Yeah… sure… don’t touch anything else… the thought never crossed my mind…”

<As soon as he does that, Spock, you will have to reroute the detonating processor. I am sending you the sequence as we speak. Got it?>

“Affirmative. Leonard, I am standing by.”

I watch him slide his arm inside the missile with infinite precautions. He reaches the optical wires, as instructed by Scotty and begins to count them, in order to reach the twenty-third one.

He is very thorough but I can sense his distress.

“Got it. I am cutting the wire now, Spock.”

“Go on, Leonard. We can do this.”

He looks into my eyes for a second – I know – I know –

He cuts the wire.

The hatch suddenly flips shut, catching his arm inside, and with a horrifying CLICK – the torpedo arms itself.

He screams.

<Spock!!! The torpedo just armed itself!! The warhead’s gonna detonate in thirty seconds!!!> \- Jim yells over the communicator.

<You cut the wrong wire, Leonard!!!!> \- Scotty also screams desperately from the video-padd.

<Target their signal, beam them back right now!!!> \- Jim instructs someone from the Bridge.

<The transporter cannot differentiate between Doctor McCoy and the torpedo!!> \- the person responds. <We cannot beam back one without the other.>

“Jim, get Spock the hell out of here!” - Leonard said, defeated, giving up the struggle to remove his arm from the torpedo.

“YOU WILL NOT” – I suddenly say. “I WILL NOT LEAVE LEONARD.” – and with those words I pull the transporter signal tracer from my belt and throw it away.

My mind is computing data at incredible speed, yet I can think of nothing to help Leonard. And meanwhile, seconds pass – one step closer to death, one step closer.

“HARRISON. HELP ME.” – I address the prisoner, on the communicator.

<Pull aside the secondary hatch to your right. Quickly. You have 15 seconds left.> \- he immediately says.

It no longer matters if his instructions will make the missile blow up in our faces or the warhead will explode by itself in the next few seconds. I must take the final risk and trust him. Leonard’s life is at stake.

I remove my gloves. I pull the hatch aside using my nails, fingers, my entire strength. The metal bends and breaks in my hand.

The terrible noise propagated through the comm system – no need to inform Harrison that I am ready. My nails are bleeding. I do not care.

<Pull the entire batch of wires away. 9 seconds left. 8… 7…>

“I love you, Spock…” – Leonard murmurs.

I look into his eyes, my heart is beating so fast I nearly suffocate. I pull the wires out.

With a sinister _hiss_ , the hatch releases Leonard’s arm. The horrible ticking which could earlier be heard from inside the missile stops. Silence.

Silence.

Silence.

I hold my breath.

I crawl to where Leonard has fallen as soon as his arm was released from the missile. He nearly passed out. I lay near him, exhausted – pulling him in my arms.

No one can see us – the video-padd which uplinked Scotty to us is some 5 feet away – and anyway I do not care.

“Leonard.” – I whisper, caressing his face with my right hand, which is full of blood.

“Mmm.” – he manages to say.

I lean over him to see if his eyes are open – his breath is erratic.

I bow my head and kiss his lips, swiftly, barely touching him. I cannot – I cannot let this happen again – I cannot lose Leonard. Mine. Leonard is mine. I will not let him go. Everything inside me hurts as I let go of all the defences I have lifted to keep him away for all those years. I cannot and will not keep him away anymore. My one. My only one, the only being I have ever wanted, the only I have ever fallen in love with – my Leonard, my Leonard…

<SPOCK!!!> \- I hear Jim’s voice from the communicator.

With great difficulty I pick the communicator.

“We are fine, Captain. The torpedo disarmed itself and the upper hatches are open. Please advise my Father that we have survived.”

Leonard finally manages to sit up and I help him stand. He leans with his entire body against me, and the feeling is sweet and intoxicating. I help him keep balance by wrapping one arm around his delicate waist.

<Well? What’s in the torpedo?> \- Jim asks, impatiently.

We turn our attention towards the torpedo. Even though we do know it is not going to explode anymore, we approach it cautiously and we lean over it, to look inside.

Do we actually –

We gaze at one another in disbelief for a moment.

Then, again, we look inside the torpedo.

There is a man in there.

 


	11. 3 PM

Leonard is in a very vulnerable mood. I can feel him. He thinks he was either dreaming, or I was mocking at him, or pitying him, or something along the line. I am preparing to land our shuttle in the shuttle-bay – the open torpedo is near us and there is a man inside it. This day is becoming more and more surreal. However, Leonard IS my first priority now.

I kissed Leonard. I could not stand it anymore. Sensing the doubts in his mind, reading the uncertainty in his soul – everything made me want to scream. He loved me; he despised me; he wanted me; he rejected me every moment.

I could not – I could not, could not lose him.

When the torpedo caught his arm inside, I wanted to scream! No one – no one was to hurt Leonard, my Leonard, the only being I have ever wanted – the only being I have ever loved.

We have landed. I switch off the engines and I go to Leonard, removing his seat-belt myself.

He stands up – we are very close to one another and he avoids looking into my eyes.

“Leonard.”

“Yeah?” – he murmurs, looking downwards.

I lean and kiss him on his lips, more firmly this time, as if I wanted to say – _I return your feelings –_ I am really bad at expressing my emotions. I hope my gesture makes him realise that when I kissed him earlier, on the planetoid, it hadn’t simply been a ‘I-am-glad-the-torpedo-did-not-blow-up’ kiss, but a ‘I-want-you-and-I-need-you’ kiss. If only, if only I knew how to reassure him.

He does not respond to my kiss, but his eyes, his mind, his soul trouble once more, like a water of a lake after you’ve thrown pebbles… he wants to tell me – to ask me –

Jim opens the shuttle door from outside, interrupting our moment, and once more I simply scream internally.

“Is he alive??” – Jim asks, rushing inside.

“Who, Spock?” – Leonard asks, slightly dazed, his cheeks red, and drawing closer to me – a purely instinctive gesture, but with so much significance to me.

 Jim gives us quite a confused look.

“I can see very well that Spock is alive, Bones. I meant the man in the torpedo!”

“I – uh – have a team take the torpedo to the MedBay and come there, both of you” – Leonard says. He did not have the possibility to scan the contents of the torpedo so we could not really tell if the person inside was alive or just a corpse. So many unanswered questions…

“Yeah, right away” – Jim says and he starts dispatching orders. His native curiosity once again surfaces and he cannot wait to have more information.

Leonard looks into my eyes for a second and then leaves towards MedBay.

I close my eyes for one second. Seeing him leaving – almost unbearable.

I change out of the away mission outfit, back into the Starfleet blue, I take a moment to wash my hands and face with cold water and I measure my own body temperature: 39.8 centigrades. When it reaches 41.3, my mind will start to lose coherency.

I stare at my face in the mirror, uselessly wasting time – I am well aware.

At last, I receive a buzz from Jim and we meet outside my room, proceeding towards Medical Bay.

“That was some scary shit which happened down there, Spock.” – Jim tells me, obviously upset.

“It was indeed very unfortunate. We are very lucky Leonard was not hurt.”

“You do have some serious explaining to do, though.”

“Excuse me?”

“You removed your transporter chip from your belt and threw it away.”

“Affirmative” – I admit. There is no point in denying.

“Why?”

“I could not leave Leonard there. Besides, Captain, you would have done the same, and you HAVE done much worse.”

He remains silent for the remainder of our trip. Just before entering the Medical Bay, I stop.

“Captain…”

“Yeah?”

“Permission to talk to the prisoner after we are ascertaining the status of the man in the torpedo…”

“Yes, I also want to talk to Harrison. We’ll go together.”

“Very well.”

We enter the Medical Bay together – where we can see that Leonard had also changed into medical blue uniform and he is analysing the scans he had most certainly take off the man in the torpedo.

Leonard’s eyes and mine meet for one second. He is still uncertain, unsure where “we stand”, but I return him a strong, powerful, reassuring look and I move closer to him. All my instincts demand to be closer to the being I have chosen, but the time when we will have peace is still many hours away. The Time. And meanwhile, my Fever continues to rise and to cloud my judgement ant to tear me apart from inside…

I lean against the door, suddenly overwhelmed by weakness – and the next second, I see Leonard rushing to me.

“Spock. Spock. Spock.”

“I am alright…” – I say, even though I am far from alright – we have more immediate priorities.

He takes my arm and his touch is soothing at all levels. He takes a medical tricorder from a tray and runs a quick scan.

“Oh…” – he says, terrified.

“What is going on?” – Jim asks, and I look into Leonard’s eyes to remind him that my situation is still confidential.

“He needs to sit down” – Leonard says vaguely – an observation which has nothing to do with any scientific fact, but which does not represent a lie either.

“Oh, okay” – Jim says, too preoccupied by other things to pay attention to me.

Leonard points to a chair near the torpedo and I sit down over there – he holds my hand for a while longer, and I feel the temperature of my body decrease a bit. He frowns at his tricorder.

“Oh” – he exclaims, as the realization of the fact that his touch is soothing for me suddenly dawns upon him. But with this realization, his soul troubles immensely once more – he lets go of my hand…

“So, how is he? What is he?” – Jim asked, pointing towards the torpedo. “Is he alive?”

“He is alive” – Leonard finally concentrated upon the pressing matter of the man in the torpedo – “but if we attempt to revive him without the proper sequencing, it could kill him. This technology is beyond me.”

“How advanced, Doctor?” – I ask him.

“Oh, it is not advanced. This man has been placed inside a criotube, which is ancient. We had no need to freeze anyone since we developed Warp capability, which explains the most interesting thing about our friend here – he is three hundred years old.”

I blink in disbelief upon hearing such an extraordinary piece of information. Jim does the same and we just stare at each other for a moment. At least for once, we have the same reaction.

“Spock, let’s go.” – he orders briefly and we head towards the Brig, to talk to the prisoner, while Jim is endlessly murmuring _threehundredyearsold, threehundredyearsold, threehundredyearsold…_

“Why is there a man in that torpedo??” – he snaps at Harrison as soon as we arrive.

I let them talk and wait respectfully two steps back. I need to have words with Harrison as well.

“There are men and women in all those torpedoes, Captain. The person who gave the missiles to you has put them in there.”

“Why?”

Harrison raises a brow and it is obvious he does not find Jim very intelligent.

“You threatened me that if I do not surrender, you would fire those torpedoes at me. It is therefore obvious, Captain, that the purpose of this mission was not only to end my own life, but all the other seventy-two ones – those of the people in the criotubes.”

Jim’s fists clenched as the pieces of the puzzle started to come together, forming a larger, horrifying picture.

“You are a man of honour, Captain” – the prisoner continued. “You preferred to disobey an order because you found it repugnant and illogical – hunting someone down as if he were an animal. You preferred to endanger your own life in order to capture me and to bring me to face justice for my crimes, instead of simply killing me. I respect that.”

Jim was momentarily speechless.

“Who are the people inside the torpedoes?” – I ask.

“My crew.” – he said, simply.

“Who are, you in fact?” – Jim managed to ask.

“A remnant of a time long past Captain” – he said, turning his back on us and seeming deeply troubled. “Genetically engineered by your government to lead others, to be invincible in war. I am… a weapon.”

“And your true name is…?” – Jim continued.

“Khan” – he added after a short pause. “My ship was found adrift by Marcus. I alone was revived, and he used the fact that he had custody upon my crew, to turn me into his fight machine.”

“FIGHT MACHINE?” – Jim snapped. “Fight against whom? We are not at war with anyone.”

“The Admiral sought means to unleash a devastating war with the Klingon Empire. Firing seventy-two torpedoes at the Klingon home world would have been a very good reason, do you not think so?”

The prisoner – whose real name we now knew – Khan – was providing a very logical explanation, consistent with the observations I had had the occasion of making myself, at Daystrom Institute.

“Why would a Starfleet Admiral need a 300-year old man to sort out his business?” – Jim asked, still not convinced.

“Because I am better”, Khan responded, turning to look into Jim’s eyes.

“At what?” – Jim continues, mercilessly.

“At everything, Captain. And if you need further proof, I would be more than willing to provide for whatever you require.”

“Admiral Marcus used you to design weapons whilst keeping your crew captive, thus blackmailing you and exploiting your intellect” – I summarize.

Jim is still not convinced – it takes a bit more than this to prove to him that an Admiral he looks up to is a heartless, ruthless villain. I suddenly realize that our enemy, our real enemy, is not the prisoner in front of us, Khan, but our own commanding officer, Admiral Marcus. How, oh, how are we going to solve this problem?

“Exploiting my savagery, Mr. Spock” – Khan says, turning his attention on me.

“Indeed” – I agree.

“I trust your mate is well?” – he asked, his gaze locked with mine.

I swallow hard – I cannot lie. How did he know that – that –

“Leonard is well. Thank you for saving our lives.” – I finally speak the words I wanted to say to him ever since I had arrived here with Jim.

Jim momentarily frowns upon the unusual dialogue, but his overly-excited mind is unable to process the information.

<Captain Kirk to the Bridge! Captain Kirk to the Bridge!> – we suddenly hear over the speakers – it is Sulu’s voice. <Proximity alert! I repeat, proximity alert!!>

We rush to the Bridge, both of us.

“Klingons?” – Jim asks, breathing hard.

“No, Sir” – Sulu answers, standing up, so that the Captain could sit down on the commanding chair.

I also sit at my station and begin running scans.

“The ship is unmarked, but it does not correspond to any Klingon warship or cruiser” – I inform him. It has Starfleet design.

Jim presses a few buttons on the console near his chair.

“Security, escort the prisoner Khan to Medical Bay and stay with him at all times.”

I must confess this order is highly confusing, so I approach him.

“Why to Medical Bay?” – I inquire.

“If the person on the approaching ship is who we think he is, he will attempt to take Khan. Medical Bay is the only place from which no one can be beamed away.”

“You are… protecting him” – I suddenly realize.

“He did save your… _mate_ , didn’t he?” – Jim says, with no irony, but rather with sadness – he knows he lost, he knows I have chosen, and he is not the one I have chosen, but sooner or later he would have found out, so there is no point in delaying that.

“He did.” – I answer.

“Ship dropping out of warp, at ten kilometres off our starboard bow” – Sulu informs us.

Suddenly, we see it.

The ship intercepting us is immense – three times the size of the Enterprise, albeit of the same form and configuration. Were we to engage them, we would stand no chance whatsoever.

“They are hailing us, Captain” – I tell Jim.

“On screen, and broadcast ship-wide, for the record.”

The familiar image of Admiral Marcus appears on the view screen.

Jim clenches his fists until his knuckles become white, but manages to look at the Admiral with serene, blue eyes and with a beautiful smile. Only he is capable of this – I truly admire him.

“Captain Kirk…” – the Admiral says, staring angrily at him.

“Admiral” – Jim answers politely and calmly, his voice not at all shaky, even though inside him he is boiling with anger. “I wasn’t expecting you.” – he adds.

“And I wasn’t expecting to get word you’ve taken Harrison into custody, in violation of your orders.” – the Admiral says on a sharp tone.

I move closer to Jim, trying to convey my support – even if only on an emotional level.

“We had to improvise when our warp-core unexpectedly malfunctioned” – Jim responds, his eyes narrowing, studying Marcus’ reactions. “But you know that already, Sir, don’t you?”

“I don’t take your meaning” – Marcus replies and he starts to be annoyed.

I find this a sign of progress – whenever the emotions take over in such a situation, they cloud the judgement and mistake are made. I wish Jim realized this, I wish he remained calm and continued to elicit an emotional response from Marcus.

“Well, that’s why you’re here, isn’t it? To assist with our repairs? Because why else would the head of Starfleet personally come to the edge of Klingon space?”

Admiral Marcus bites his lips and frowns.

“They are scanning our ship” – I inform my Captain.

“Is there something I can help you find, Sir?” – Jim inquires and his tone is downright aggressive.

“Where is your prisoner, Kirk?” – Marcus wants to know.

Also, did he just call him _Kirk_? As if… as if the Captain of the Starship Enterprise were his servant?

“Per Starfleet Regulations, I am planning to return John Harrison to Earth, to stand trial for the crimes he committed. You and I, Admiral, are not going to transform ourselves into executioners.”

I am SO proud of him, so proud.

“Lock weapons on the Enterprise and prepare to open fire!” – the Admiral orders to someone who is outside the viewer – probably his tactical officer.

Did we hear that right? Is the head of Starfleet about to open fire on a Starfleet vessel? Is the Head of Starfleet about to kill three hundred innocent people, just to take _one_ person out of the picture?

He is about to do this.

Jim stands up and approaches the view screen. His eyes are shot red, as if he had been crying for days; he has the expression of the man who is facing imminent death. He could save his crew. He could give Khan to Marcus. But Jim knows – and I also know it – that even so, Marcus would not spare our lives. We know too much – no, he would open fire upon us as soon as Khan is in his custody.

“This transmission is currently broadcast through my entire ship and, of course to Starfleet. You are the murderer; not Khan. Thank you for the final proof.”

“Son, you are so naïve. Nothing is being broadcast to Starfleet. I took care to block all communications.  Fire!” – he then orders.

I close my eyes for a moment and I send a loving thought towards my Father, then I focus my entire inner strength towards Leonard. I only wish I could have seen him one more time. Everything we represent, everything we are, will be lost, because of a man who is overcome by madness, greed and desire to revenge.

Their weapons power on. Two torpedo launchers are pointed our way. I have nearly died so many times today – but this is the final challenge – there is no way we are going to survive.

 _I love you, Leonard_ – my mind, my heart scream in unison. _I love you – I wish I could have held your hand one last time._

Jim turns towards us all – his back towards the view screen.

“I am sorry” – he tells us all.

We wait – each of us thinking of the loved ones, praying, waiting, crying.

Nothing happens.

All of a sudden, the Admiral’s ship seems to experience a surge of power – everything goes black, their weapons power down.

What…?

What is happening?

I stare at the screen in pure disbelief.

Jim notices my perplexed look and turns to see what is going on as well.

“Spock…?” – he murmurs, hope kindling once more in his eyes, in his heart.

“Their primary and secondary power have suddenly failed!”

“How – why – “

<ENTERPRISE!! CAN YOU HEAR ME?> \- we suddenly hear in the main Bridge intercom.

“Sss….cotty?” – Jim manages to say, shaking his head as if attempting to order his thoughts. “You’re – you’re on that ship???”

“Aye!” – he responds proudly, his Scottish accent very pronounced – a clear sign of stress. “Those coordinates you gave me. I went there, and oooops! Guess what I found.”

“You’re – you’re a miracle worker!” – Jim exclaims. “How much time do you think you’ve bought us?”

“Ten minutes, maybe less – oooops, they are trying to locate me. Call you back!”

“Scotty??” – Jim yells, but the communication has cut off.

Jim rushes to me and grabs me by my shirt.

“Our ship – our ship – how is she?”

“Our Warp core is still offline, and we have no weapons to match those of the Admiral.”

“So when he gets his power back on, we are doomed.”

“Yes.”

Jim rushes towards the Turbolift, dragging me along.

“We are not doomed” – he says decidedly.

“Where are we going?”

“To MedBay.”

“Why?”

“I am going on that ship, Spock. I am going to put Marcus out of the picture. I am not going to let us destroy us.”

I quickly compute the information he has provided. He is going on that ship. He is planning to take Marcus _out of the picture._

“…as a large boarding party would be detected, it is only logical that you take with you as few crew-members as possible. You will meet resistance, therefore you will need personnel with advanced combat abilities and strength. This indicates you are planning to ally with… Khan.”

“I am not exactly allying with him. I am using him. The enemy of my enemy is my friend.”

“You have quoted an Arabic proverb attributed to a price who was betrayed and decapitated by his own subjects.”

“Still, it’s one hell of a quote!” – Jim exclaims, marching towards Medical Bay and not letting go of my arm for one second.

“I will go with you, Captain.”

“No, I need you on the Bridge!”

“Jim – “

“Spock.” – he says, abruptly stopping and cupping my face with his trembling hands. “Our crew is in grave danger. I promise you – I will render that son of a bitch inert. Get our crew back to safety. And take care of Leonard. He is your responsibility.”

I am rendered speechless by his words. What can I even say to all this?

“What the hell?” – Leonard snaps at us as soon as we enter the Medical Bay.

“Move aside” – he tells Leonard, who gives me a confused look. I pull him close to me, one arm around his wrist and I never ever want to let go of him.

Jim goes to Khan, who is sitting up on a biobed, looking at him with curiosity.

“If that bastard fires at the Enterprise, he will not only destroy my ship and crew, but your crew as well. I am going to take him down. Are you coming with me?”

Khan is studying him carefully for a few moments.

“Yes.” – he then answers.

“They are about to do WHAT?” – Leonard whispers to me, instinctively taking my hand.

“Space-jump.”

“Not that shit again…”

 


	12. 4 PM

 

I reluctantly accompany the Captain and our ex-prisoner, Khan, to the outer hatch 204B. They have dressed in the space-jump costumes and they are getting ready to do the most dangerous thing of the day – fly to the other ship, board it through a very tiny access door of only four square metres, which hopefully Scotty will be able to open from the inside, and then take down Marcus and all his crew. Definitely the most dangerous and almost insane thing we have done all day (have I not said that before, though?)

“Spock, go to the Bridge.”

“I will not leave you alone with Khan, Captain.”

Jim rolls his eyes. Sometimes I believe I truly exasperate him.

“Spock, I will be alone with him in space, in a few minutes. He will have all the time – and space in the world to kill me, if he so intends.”

“I know I have not given you many reasons to trust me, Mr. Spock” – Khan says. “But I do not plan on killing your Captain. Believe me when I say I would have had a lot of opportunities to do so already. If you require proof of my honesty, I am offering you my mind to meld.”

I am considering his proposition. Then I decide to accept it.

“Very well, I say. Remove the helmet, please.”

He does so and takes one step closer to me. I extend my hand and align my fingers on his face and his mind welcomes me, calm and serene, albeit strong – the strongest mind I have ever melded with. Yes, he is right. He could not only singlehandedly kill Jim and me, but he could very well decimate our entire crew.

I probe his intentions and I find no hidden thoughts. For all my reluctance, this man is on our side – at least until he gets his crew back.

_Care for them if anything should happen to me and your Captain_ – I hear Khan’s mind, echoing inside mine.

He wants me to take care of his crew.

_Take care of Jim and you will have your crew safely back. I will personally talk to my father to have their name and honour cleaned._

His eyes widened – he did not expect this, probably.

_I promise_. _I will leave a back-up plan in your mind, Mr. Spock._

I slowly disengage the meld.

“You and I are going to be very good friends” – he tells me, gazing at me with dark-blue eyes.

“Ok, enough now, we are wasting time” – Jim said, impatiently. “Spock, to the Bridge, now.”

I have nothing to do but obey, and I make my way back to the Bridge, where I find Leonard who is impatiently pacing around.

“Are you out of your Vulcan mind???” – he snaps at me as soon as he sees me. “Are you actually letting them do this shit?”

“Affirmative” – I respond, after which I quickly reconfigure a console for Leonard to be able to monitor Jim and Khan’s flight trajectory and their vital signs.

“Thanks” – he mumbles on a very grumpy tone – he is under a lot of stress, as he is about to watch the Captain of his ship fly through space towards potential and almost certain death.

“Captain” – I speak in the intercom – “our ships are aligned.”

<Copy that> \- Jim acknowledges.

“Before you proceed, please note there is a considerable amount of debris between our ships.”

<Noted. Scotty, how are we doing over there?>

<I’m in the hangar, give me a minute> \- I can hear the voice of our young and very resourceful colleague.

Somehow I am at peace knowing that he is back with us and we are once more a team. Whatever is to happen, I know we have quadrupled our chances of survival and of ensuring the safety of our crews, if the four of us are working together. As Humans say, this is how it was meant to be.

Leonard comes closer to me.

“Tell me this is gonna work…”

“I have neither the information, nor the confidence to do so, Doctor” – I answer him; I wish I could reassure him somehow, but I know this operation has a 5.2% chance of success. I take his hand, slowly, sending waves of comfort through the touch, which I hope he will perceive.

<Spock, pull the trigger> \- Jim orders.

“Yes, Captain…” – I respond, even though hesitatingly. “Khan, remember what you promised”.

With those words, I press the controls which open the hatch towards space, and Jim and Khan begin their 3-minute journey to the other ship.

Leonard stands up and goes to the console to monitor them.

“He’s gonna hit that piece of asteroid!” – he says, beginning to grow agitated.

“Captain, you are heading for collision at .432”

<Ok, cool> \- Jim replies and I swear that when he returns, I will just punch him for all the _< ok cools>_ he told me every time I warned him his life is in danger.

Fortunately, he is a very good space-jumper and he adjusts his course, avoiding the collision with the asteroid which was blocking his path.

“Whoa, Jim!” – Leonard exclaims. “You’re waaaay off course now!”

<I know, I know. I can see that.>

“Oh, good, he can see that, he can see that.” – he talks by himself.

I know very well his behaviour is only covering thick layers of fear and uncertainty.

Seconds pass without any news.

Suddenly, Jim’s signal disappears from our monitoring consoles!

“Captain! Captain! Please respond.”

No answer – my heart-beat accelerates severely.

“Khan!” – I decided to address him. “What happened to the Captain?”

“Wait” – he responds, and then his trajectory is suddenly deviated.

I can only presume he altered his course in order to intercept Jim – there is no other logical explanation – unless he himself has harmed Jim – but how could he – he promised – hepromisedhepromsedhepromised

Jim’s signal reappears on the console but their flight pattern is erratic now and way deviated from the original trajectory.

<His helmet was hit by something. He’s unconscious.> \- Khan advises.

“If you let go of him – “ – I manage to say, standing up and just staring at the viewer, unable to do anything to help. “If you dare let go – “

“I will not.” – Khan replies, simply. “Please recalculate destination coordinates, compensating for his weight which slows me down now.”

My mind is suddenly activating. Jim weighs 72 kilograms, which means Khan’s trajectory must be adjusted by –

“You must correct precisely 37.243 degrees.”

<Acknowledged.>

Seconds after, we see Khan’s signal advancing on the correct flight pattern, slower than earlier, and we know that it is because he is carrying Jim along.

<Ohhhhh, what the fuck> \- we suddenly hear Jim.

I take a deep, deep breath and I briefly look into Leonard’s eyes.

<Khan, what the hell am I doing in your arms?>

<It is going to take a while to explain> \- Khan responds – and I suddenly find him delightful! - <Mr. Spock, tell your colleague to be ready with that door.>

I open a channel to Mr. Scott:

“Mr. Scott, open the door in ten… nine… eight…”

<Put your arms around my neck, we won’t fit through the door like this> \- I hear Khan instructing Jim – he truly keeps his promise. I can only hope that Jim is not severely injured…

“…five… four… three… two… one!”

I can see on the display how Scotty opens the door to port 101A of the other ship and in the next second, Khan and Jim slide through it inside. They are safe for now. Leonard is a wreck; he comes back near me and he leans with one hand on my shoulder. I put my hot hand over his, tenderly. I do not care what my co-workers think. I am way beyond caring right now.

“Report.” – I order Khan.

<I am removing his helm->

<WHO THE HELL ARE YOU AGAIN?> I suddenly hear Scotty’s voice.

I wish he did not snap at Khan, given the fact that he has just saved Jim’s life. Khan had promised to help; but that did not mean he had to be taunted or provoked.

“Mr. Scott, please be polite and considerate towards our colleague, Khan. He is on our side.” – I tell him on a warning tone.

<Oh. Okay then.> \- he agrees.

Did I just proclaim Khan _our colleague_? Well, at least for now he is exactly that.

“Captain, are you alright?” – I check, while his signal is coming back online.

<Yeah, yeah. I’m fine. Thanks, Khan.> \- he addresses him.

I can sense a certain feeling of camaraderie between the two men, and for some reason it pleases me. I thought Jim hated Khan – it seems he no longer does. Jim would never hate anyone who helped his ship and ensured the survival of his crew. Jim is… one of a kind.

“What are they going to do now?” – Leonard asks me.

To my surprise, I still hold his hand. My mind must have begun to malfunction if such gestures are done and I don’t even remember how or when.

“They are heading towards the Bridge, where they will place Admiral Marcus under arrest.”

“Why do I hate this…” – Leonard said.

“You hate this because you have every reason to” – I reassure him. “It is a horrible and hateful thing – to discover such people at the heart of Starfleet… who can we trust, now that we have seen what our very own leader is capable of?”

“We can still trust your Dad. Right?”

“My… Father is not going to – “

“He should take over the Command at Starfleet Headquarters, if you ask me”

That is possibly the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard.

Sounds of a fight fill the intercom speakers.

“Captain??”

<Just A Moment, Spock> \- Jim replies and I can hear various screams and people being punched and hit (against a wall, perhaps? – my sensitive hearing tries to make sense of what is happening)

“Scotty, what is going on?” – I decide to talk to him instead, since Jim seems busy.

<Nothing much> \- he responds. <Khan is just, um… smashing people’s heads against the wall.>

“Is the Captain alright?”

<Jim’s head is not on his short list, don’t worry.>

How reassuring! Humans, I swear!

<Perhaps we can take a turbolift, they’ll be able to fire in 38 seconds!> \- Scotty tells Khan.

“The turbolifts are easily tracked and Marcus would have us in a cage. This path runs adjacent to the Engine room. They know they won’t be able to use weapons here without destabilising the warp core, which gives us an advantage.”

<Where did you find this guy?> \- Scotty exclaims with appreciation.

<It’s a long story.>

 

 

Minutes after, I hear the sound of automated doors opening, and Jim’s signal indicates that they have arrived on the Bridge of Marcus’ ship.

I scan the ship carefully – they do, indeed, have powerful weapons and should our team be unsuccessful, Marcus will destroy every living being on the Enterprise.

Upon melding, Khan did leave an idea in my mind – something which now transforms into a conscious thought – into a plan.

“Leonard” – I say, standing up and turning towards him.

“Yeah?”

“Earlier on the planetoid, you inadvertently activated the torpedo. Do you think you can duplicate the process? Do you remember which wire you cut?”

“The twenty-second…”

“Come with me” – I order, picking an ear-piece to be able to continue monitoring Jim’s progress, then we head towards the weapon bay. I will do everything within my power to keep my part of the deal and to ensure the survival of Khan’s crew as well as of Enterprise’s crew.

I expose Leonard my plan, to which – surprisingly – he agrees immediately, and we assemble the entire medical and engineering staff in the bay, starting to dispatch instructions. We proceed to take the criotubes off the torpedoes. If we are to defend ourselves, we will need all the help available, and right now those weapons are the only possible solution. We are going to use them.

<Admiral Marcus, you’re under arrest.> \- I suddenly hear Jim speaking.

<You’re not going to do this, are you?> \- Marcus replies and he looks almost bored. <Put down your gun, son. The minute you fire a single shot on this Bridge, this ship will automatically fire all the available ammunition which is currently locked on to the Enterprise.

“We must hurry, Leonard” – I tell him. “They don’t have much time left.”

“Well, they’d better buy me some more time, because I still have three criotubes to get out”, he said, and I know he cannot hurry. If he cuts the wrong wire, he could activate the wrong sequence of detonation, which will result in blowing up the entire Enterprise.

Sounds of hand-to-hand combat are being heard through the ear-piece. I am well aware that by asking what is going on, I will not help anyone, so I refrain from communication and get on with my plan. I will need to synch with Khan at some point.

<You took my people away from me> \- I hear Khan speak, as if anyone was in any mood to hear such pathetic exclamations. But I know he is doing it just to stall.

One fire shot. I hear Jim screaming – No – it cannot be –

<You used them to control me, to exploit my savagery… well, I have news for you…>

<Dear God…>

<Stop, no, stop, stop!> \- Jim’s voice is suddenly heard – he is still alive and perhaps uninjured – he promised - <Don’t kill him, Khan! That’s an order!>

<MR. SPOCK!> \- I can hear Khan. A clear, imploring message directed to me – and I don’t even have to check on the console to know that Marcus’ ship has just targeted us as warned – if a single weapon is fired with on the Bridge, weapons are automatically coming online and firing upon everything which is nearby. Enterprise, together with Khan’s crew, will perish in a matter of seconds.

That is not going to happen.

“Spock to Transporter Room, do we have transporting capabilities?”

<The Transporter’s just come back online, Sir!>

“Lock on to the signals of all the people still alive on that Bridge and transport them to the Brig at once. Then dispatch security and medical teams at once. Leonard, go. Jim is injured.”

Leonard does not wait for another indication – he knows he must obey me right now – and he does so wordlessly.

I punch a few controls on the console:

“Transporter room, do you have them?”

<Aye, Commander.>

“CREW OF THE ENTERPRISE” – I speak through the ship-wide intercom – PREPARE FOR IMMINENT PROXIMITY DETONATION!”

<Spock> \- I hear Jim addressing me - <No! Khan’s crew! You cannot!!>

Jim is not aware of our plan – no time to explain now, either.

I fire the torpedoes at the enemy ship, just as the first automatically launched missiles from their side began to hit them.

I rush towards the Bridge.

“Report!” – I yell at the tactical officer. So unlike me, but if we do not act now, there will be no more me, no more us, no more Leonard.

And I cannot let that happen.

“12 seconds to impact” – the Officer responds, and I watch as Khan’s seventy-two torpedoes are flying towards Marcus’ ship at full speed, finally hitting it. Everything blows up. The blast pushes us towards Kronos. CASCADE FAILURE – it is written on my console.

“Primary Power Failing!” – I can hear the tactical officer.

“Switch to auxiliary – “

“We’re caught into Kronons’ gravity, it’s got us!”

The Enterprise begins spinning, onto a rapid, decaying orbit – we are about to crash on the Klingon home-world – it will be the ultimate disaster.

I close my eyes as nausea overwhelms me, we are spinning out of control and I have no idea why will the stabilizers not come online. Once again today, I am sure I will die – we will die – we will all die. Leonard, my consciousness says. Leonard, my love, my life –

 


	13. 4 PM – 4:07 PM

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not wish to upset anyone, but I'll write this story how I want. It is just a story, treat it as such. Everyone has an OTP, everyone knows what is canon and what is not. If I choose to misbehave, oh well, what can I say besides - I am AnJoan Grey. I misbehave.

 

**4 PM – 4:07 PM**

**(Seven minutes)**

 

We are falling, falling, free-falling – our engines stopped, our primary and auxiliary power failed, and we are crashing onto Kronos, we will probably hit an inhabited area and we will unleash a disaster with consequences that extend far beyond the loss of all our lives. It seems that, for all our efforts to prevent a war with the Klingon Empire, we are going to be the catalyst – the force which actually sets the things in motion.

My mind is computing at an unprecedented speed. The emergency power reserve could be activated from Engineering, but I have no way of warning anyone on Engineering that we need that done, the communications are down. We have a little over five minutes before we break through all the layers of atmosphere and hit the ground. I will not let that happen.

I must try whatever I can, whatever it is possible, and the impossible as well, to save my crew-mates. To save Khan’s crew as I promised. To save my dear, dear, beloved Leonard.

I stand up and I don’t even bother relinquishing command to Mr. Sulu – there is practically nothing that can be done from the Bridge – and I rush towards Engineering.

On the large catwalk separating the Bridge area from Engineering, the ship rotates on a 63-degree angle and I lose my balance. I attempt to hold on to something and at the last moment I take a good hold on to a pipe, waiting for the rotation to complete – it will give me 14 useful seconds until the next rotation, during which I will be able to get to Engineering.

Leonard, my beloved Leonard.

No. No time to think of him now.

If I do not act now, there will be no more Leonard.

No more anyone.

The pipe I am holding to starts to bend under my weight and I calculate it will break in 3.21 seconds. I look down – there is a 50-meter free falling I will not survive. I look around – nothing else to hold on to.

I suddenly feel a powerful hand grabbing my wrist and pulling me up forcefully.

Khan.

Khan!!

He gives me a dark look as he pulls me back on the catwalk, to safety. We catch our breath for a few brief seconds. My internal chronometer stops calculating for now.

“Jim? How is Jim?” – I ask him.

“He’s been shot by Marcus. Your mate is with him. If we don’t act now, we will lose both.”

“Engineering. Emergency power.” – I say.

We rush towards Engineering and in 7 seconds we are there. There is a hatch behind the deflector dish, which needs to be removed – I do so by punching Jim’s personal codes which I know by heart – after which I turn the switch to the right.

The Emergency power comes back online and the ship vibrates, thrusters briefly starting – after which it goes offline!

“What’s going on?” – Khan asks.

“I do not know. Let me try redirect power directly from the warp-core array.”

“You must hurry. We are on a descending trajectory heading straight to the Capital city.”

I cannot even process the thought and I rush to the warp-core console. There are three authorisation codes to be entered – mine, Jim’s and the Chief Engineer’s.

“I do not have Mr. Chekov’s authorisation codes” – I suddenly realize.

“Move aside” – Khan says, and I let him work on the console. It takes him a few seconds to bypass the security protocols and give me full access to the system.

“Hhhhow – nevermind” – I say, and I start working on redirecting the power.

“Log into the navigation console on the Bridge, can you do that?” – I ask him – a useless question since he has already proven he can hack into mostly anything.

“Yes” – he answers and he does exactly that from the display panel near me.

“As soon as I redirect the power, reinitialise maximum thrusters.”

“Acknowledged. Now hurry, Mr. Spock.”

I try, I try. I am not that good an Engineer. People imagine that a Vulcan has virtually endless knowledge about anything, but it is not like that. Sometimes – for example, now – I really wish I had a computer instead of a brain –

DANGER! CORE MISALIGNED!

DANGER! CORE MISALIGNED!

DANGER! CORE MISALIGNED!

No, this cannot be, thiscannotbethiscannotbethiscannotbe!!

“This cannot be!”

“WHAT CANNOT BE?” – Khan snaps at me, cupping my head between his hands and staring at me dangerously.

“The core housings are misaligned! There is no way we can redirect the power! The ship is gone, Khan. We’re gone…”

My mind starts to lose coherency at the thought.

A second after, Khan slaps me hard over my face, with full strength, and I have the impression that the very bones of my skull have been fractured by the powerful strike.

“There has got to be another solution, THINK! If they are misaligned, we will REALIGN THEM. Where is the warp core room?”

He is right. He is completely right. What have I been thinking? We have already done everything which is possible. The impossible remains to be done now.

I rush towards the warp-core chamber, followed by Khan.

“What are you doing?” – he asks.

“I am going to manually realign the core.”

“The radiation will kill you.”

“Yes, it will” – I answer simply.

“Oh. Very well, then” – he said. “Open the door. As soon as you realign the core housings, I will reinitialize thrusters. We must get out of the Klingon space as soon as possible.”

I punch the two necessary access codes and the door begins to open.

“Sorry, my friend.” – Khan says, after which, with an unexpected gesture, he applies a sudden, merciless strike below my knee, breaking my leg.

I collapse screaming – I do not understand – why, why?

He grabs me by my hair.

“YOU WILL restart the engines” – he says bitterly. “And you will take our ship out of here, you will take care of my crew and your captain and your mate.”

With those words, he opens the door to the radioactive chamber and seals it behind him.

I am so terrified, so shocked – why did he sacrifice himself for me, for us, the people sent to kill him, ultimately? This man, this dangerous criminal, has just walked into a live warp-core and he will die irradiated within minutes, trying to save us, and the entire Federation – and they call HIM evil? He is the one who is evil and who must be punished? How, how could we have been so naïve?

But now, there is no more time to waste.

He is there, and if my calculations are correct, within 1.37 minutes he would reach the warp-core arms and will attempt to realign them. My leg is hurting, the tibia bone is broken, my brain is overloaded with stimuli and it is only sheer strong-will that prevents me from losing consciousness. He is counting on me. I must not let him down. Nor anyone else. I cannot.

I crawl towards the console and I wait. I do not know what he is doing, if he managed to reach the core or has died trying. I will stay here and wait until the end. I am prepared to redirect the necessary power to the engines.

If only, ifonlyifonlyifonly

Humans always say that time goes slowly or too fast, depending on whatever they are doing – and if they are enjoying the respective task or dread it.  And while it is a scientific fact that time passes with the exact speed of sixty seconds per minute, right now each second seems to drag.

Whatever may happen to me, to him, to all of us, I believe he is the bravest man I have ever known. The bravest and he most ruthless.

The console lights up suddenly, almost startling me.

He did it. I do not know how, or what happened in the warp core, but he did it. It means he is still alive, even though not for long – he may be better at everything, as he said, but radiation is radiation and he will not make it out of the chamber alive – I know it and he also knew it.

Let his death not be in vain.

I quickly redirect the power, log in to the Bridge console which Khan had previously reconfigured and start the engines.

I can actually hear them starting, powering on, with the big cooling turbines starting to spin and matter-antimatter flow regulating – my sensitive Vulcan hearing can map the entire process. Thrusters. The thrusters are back online. I punch the maximum thruster setting. We must gain altitude and velocity. The only reason for which Klingons did not fire at us was because such a large explosion in the lower atmosphere would have destabilized their ozone layer and generated a cloud of smoke and ash that would have had the same long-term effects as a volcanic eruption.

I sense our descent progressively slowing down, and we begin to gain altitude. I hope that someone on the Bridge will calculate a flight trajectory because I have no idea what our current position is and if we are going to hit something or not when warp is engaged.

Anyway – no time to even think of such things.

I input the warp flight commands and I feel the ship vibrate before breaking free from the grasp of Kronos’ gravity and heading back to safety, into space.

I momentarily lose consciousness.

 

Khan! My mind screams. I must help Khan.

I open my eyes – my senses register safe warp flight – the ship is no longer my concern. I have fainted for 23 seconds – too long – I cannot afford the time. I crawl to the warp-core chamber and I see him, on the other side of the door, His face is covered in sweat and his hands have severe burn marks.

My leg hurts beyond words, but I do not care.

I extend one hand up towards the console and I initialize the decontamination process.

I lean on the door, near him.

He is tired and he looks vulnerable.

“You did well.” – I tell him. It is the honourable thing to say.

“So did you.” – he answers, looking at me, exhausted.

Even through the multi-layered glass door, I can sense the life fading out of him.

I look at the time on the console – because my inner chronometer is now gone. I don’t care about myself right now. I must help this human, if I can – because no matter what, honour is above everything, and what he did was brave and honourable and he deserves to live.

1.57 seconds before the decontamination process is complete and I can open the door.

He must stay alive just a bit longer.

“Please, Khan.”

“Please, what?”

“Do not die yet.”

“Take care of my crew, as you promised.”

“Only if you stay alive. I will clear their names, honour, they will be revived and given a chance to live a normal and beautiful life. If you die, I will not do any of this.”

He lowers his eyelids, and I can feel his strength diminish with each passing second.

“No, nono. Khan? I need to ask you something.”

“Ask” – he manages to say.

“Why? Why did you do all of this?”

“I could – trust – you – my Friend” – he struggles with each word. “Trust Is Very Rare.”

He closes his eyes and I can see he stops breathing.

“No, nono, KHAAAAAN!!!” – I scream.

The decontamination process is finally complete and the computer releases the door.

I open it angrily and pull Khan out of there, laying him down near me.

I hear Leonard and Scotty rush towards us.

“Spock! Spock!!” – they stutter.

“SILENCE” – I order. “Do not move.”

This is a critical moment – I have never done this before.

I align my fingers on Khan’s face, I close my eyes and I touch his mind forcefully, with violence, passing though the deepest corners and layers of his consciousness, attaching it strongly to my own mind, to my own katra.

There is darkness there – fear, hatred, the will of revenge, the desire to annihilate and destroy all those people that hurt his crew, his beloved family. There is knowledge. Vast, deep, immense knowledge about everything and anything – this man has stored in his mind practically every fact under the sun.

In our merged minds, I see Khan offering me a key – why a key? I suddenly see the image he has carefully built inside his own mind, in order to accumulate and store knowledge – a vast palace, and he is trusting me with the key to it. I receive it, holding it with reverence.

“I will not let you die” – I say – and I do not realize if it is out-loud or in our minds.

I suddenly become aware that Leonard has approached us and he is already going through the standard first-aid medical procedures. I disengage the meld and collapse to the ground, face up, I have truly reached the end of my physical and mental energy.

“Our ship…” – I murmur.

“Out of danger…” – Leonard responds.

“Jim…?”

“Try not to talk, Spock. Jim is fine” – Leonard tells me, knowing very well I would be unable to rest until I knew everything that happened. “He took a disruptor blast from Marcus but he’s stable. We are out of Klingon space.”

“Khan…?”

“I cannot say yet.”

That means he is not dead, but I can no longer formulate words. I just lay there as the medical teams arrive and I am being put on a stretcher.

Leonard, my mind speaks.

Leonard is safe. Jim is safe. We have caught our villain. But it was not the one we were sent for. Strangely how our lives shape. The end of this day is still far and so much can still happen.

I see the familiar ceiling of the Medical Bay with the rounded surgery spotlights and soon I feel strong hands carefully placing me on a biobed. Leonard is undressing me and he begins assessing the severity of my leg injury.

My internal chronometer restarts. I start feeling the pain – the excruciating pain. A hypospray with an analgesic is pressed against my neck. Seven minutes have passed. Only seven minutes since we nearly crashed onto Kronos, during which Khan prevented me from falling from the catwalk, broke my leg instead, then walked into the warp core chamber and realigned the housings of the radioactive warp-core array. Then – I have – I have – what have I –

Oh, oh, what have I done??

 


	14. 6:30 PM

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings:  
> Angst. Heartache. Misunderstandings.  
> No character death.

**6:30 PM**

**(Half an hour)**

 

“Come to me, open your eyes, son” – I hear a voice that sounds familiar – my beloved Father, the one who owns the essence of my life, my mind and my katra. Everything that is alive in me obeys him, and my consciousness regains awareness. I open my eyes – the image is blurry, but I can still perceive his beautiful powerful eyes.

I feel his fingers on my face.

I try to remember what happened – I have lost consciousness, after trying to revive Khan.

“Fa-ther” – I struggle to talk.

“Yes, child.”

I sense Leonard’s presence nearby, scanning me, running tests and calibrating a hypospray formula that is injected into my blood stream.

I would like to look at Leonard but I cannot move my head, I would disturb the meld if I did, and that would be a sacrilege.

“Are we safe? The ship? The Captain?”

I am well aware I am asking all the logical questions, the one that represent a general priority, and not those that are important for me.

“We are two light-years away from the Neutral Zone, out of danger, and I have taken care of the Klingon problem.”

“Did they attack?”

“They merely warned us for the violation of their space, but I explained that the Enterprise has suffered a severe engine malfunction.”

“Jim is fine, Spock.” – Leonard spoke, from near my biobed.

His voice is tense and uneasy, I do not know what happened and I am rather afraid to ascertain the consequences of my deep meld with Khan. I would like to ask about him, but I am afraid. If he died, I have utterly failed him, and I could not live with the thought. He saved our lives; our ship; he sacrificed himself – Khan the villain, Khan the criminal…

“Marcus?” – I ask, another completely illogical question. What do I even care about Marcus? I guess I only want to avoid the big, important question.

“Marcus is in the brig, son. He will answer for his deeds. We have a Starfleet escort of five ships which are currently assisting us with repairs.”

“But where is Jim?”

“He is on the Bridge, Spock” – Leonard answers me – “He is coordinating the repairs teams and trying to put an end to this crisis. As soon as you are well, there will be a hearing, conducted by Admiral Pike, so that they understand what Marcus did. They want to hear everything from you.”

“…why?” – I ask, suddenly tired.

“Because Vulcans do not lie…” – Leonard said, and I detect a trace of sarcasm, or of sad irony in his voice.

There is something here, something I do not understand, and I am afraid to ask, I am afraid to look to my left and right and see –

“Leonard, give us a moment, please.” – Sarek says, on a tone that sounds as commanding as ever, even though he expresses everything politely.

Leonard looks at us for a brief moment, considering his request; then, he pulls a curtain around us to give us privacy, and leaves the room.

My Father gently disconnects the meld. Caressing my forehead with a sweet tender gesture.

“Has Khan died, Father?” – I finally gather the courage to ask.

“Nooo, no” – he answers reassuringly. “He has suffered severe radiation damage, though, his cells were degenerating, he WOULD HAVE died. No one could have survived what he had done.”

“How did he?” – I ask, instantly feeling stupid for the question, but my Father’s kindness has no limits.

“I believe you know very well how he survived, Spock. You melded with him, you attached his katra to yours, you gave him half of your life essence. You gave him a survival bond. You know what that means, yes?”

“I have done it out of instinct, Father… I could not let him die. I would have done it for anyone stepping into the Warp chamber – I would not have had any honour as a Vulcan, as a living being, had I… I do not know what I did” – I finally confess. “What are the consequences?”

“You will never be able to give another bond to anyone, Spock.”

I register his words, but I do not really grasp their full meaning. I need time to comprehend what is being told to me.

“Oh…” – I finally manage to understand.

I will never be able to offer a friendship bond to anyone. Or a marriage bond to –

“You will not be able to bond with Leonard, Spock.”

I swallow hard and everything around me starts spinning. My heart is racing at an alarming pace and I want to scream! The monitors to which I am connected start beeping and flickering and Leonard rushes in, terrified, not knowing why my condition deteriorated in just two minutes.

“What have you done to him?” – he snaps at my Father.

“I have told him the truth.”

“So that you can kill him?? Get out!”

“Doctor!”

“GET THE FUCK OUT!” – he yells at Sarek of Vulcan.

I am quite sure this will end badly and I want to intervene, but I am overcome by nausea.

I hope my Father will not be very upset. He knows how emotional humans are and how colourful their language can become in moments of stress.

My Father does go out and for long moments that I lose count of, Leonard attempts to stabilize me. I can see him prepare an adrenaline solution which he slowly injects into my third coronary artery. My heart-beat normalizes again.

He collapses on a chair near me.

“Jesus, Spock. Don’t do that shit again. Panic attacks, really? I thought Vulcans don’t freak out.”

I try to take his hand but he avoids my touch.

My Father must have told him.

“Leonard” – I begin.

“Just… leave it, Spock.”

“Please, Leonard, I cannot live in such tension. We have always trusted each other; we have been friends; we have become more than that.”

“Well, apparently, we cannot become more than that.”

“Do you condemn me for what I did?”

“Spock, look. Your Time is upon you; your Father did something to postpone it a little. He explained to me that you can no longer give anyone any bond, meaning you and I are… over before even beginning. Hell, what was I thinking anyway? But look. Now it’s not the time for sentimental shit. You have suffered severe mental trauma and you need to recover, and fast. We need you.”

I wait for him to finish.

“What about you, Leonard, do YOU still need me?”

“I love you, you idiot” – he tells me, not looking at me. “I have fallen in love with you a long time ago, and I am pretty damn sure I can’t fucking fall out of it. I want you to be well and healthy. This is all that matters. Even if you’ll have to spend all your remaining life with Khan.”

“...what?” – I ask in disbelief.

“Your Father explained to me. He said that you are connected to him by a survival bond, you will not be able to exist, survive and… function, one without the other. It is – how you, Vulcans, say – only logical for you to… to…”

“Leonard, no, stop. Stop.” – I say, closing my eyes.

How does my life fall into pieces?

“I know you will not ask, because you are afraid to hurt my feelings, okay? So I’m gonna tell you how he is. He is next door, in the decontamination chamber, I have regenerated his burns, and his metabolism is very strong, he has an amazing self-healing process that I must study… Anyway, this is not the time to think about that. He woke up and asked about you, then asked about you again, and said that he needs to see you as soon as you are well, and that you have done what no one has ever done for him in his entire life… what else did he say… that he agrees to testify, to do whatever the fuck Starfleet wants and… that I should tell you that he is grateful for you saving his life…”

I remain silent while Leonard narrates Khan’s words. I can see how troubled Leonard is, and I can imagine, by a brief analysis of what he tells me, that Khan is equally troubled. Our lives have merged to an intimate degree. Our minds are bound together forever; he will always be aware of me, and I – of him; we will never be able to be apart from one another, like twin brothers, doomed to long after the other one’s presence…

Having given him the strongest, rarest, most revered and most sacred Vulcan bond, I have exhausted all my mental energy. This is why this bond is seldom given. I can understand Leonard’s distress. I have acknowledged him as being my Chosen One; the one who would assist me through my Time, the one who would receive the marriage bond from me, the one who would become my bondmate, the one whom I would spend my life with – none of these can happen now – or can they?

Doubts, doubts. Could I have simply left Khan die?

NO! – my consciousness revolts – let Khan die – NO! He must not die.

For such a long time, so many people loved me, and especially my three friends, and I was torn by their love, knowing that if I choose one of them, two others would suffer. And now, and now and now and now – my mind, my consciousness, my heart – is torn between two people – one that I love and I cannot have, and one that I cherish, that I gave the highest of bonds, but that I cannot imagine as a bondmate.

What, oh, what will happen at the end of this terrible day?

“Will you do something for me, Leonard?”

“Like what?”

“Will you please refrain from cursing my Father?”

“Hey, I am sorry. I am still your Doctor and I will not have him say stuff to you that will send you into shock.”

“Please, go and apologize.”

“He went to the Bridge to help Jim. I’ll… okay… I’ll apologize later, ok?”

“And second, Leonard, please give me your hand…”

“Why?”

“Because, please.”

Even I am perplexed by my last sentence. Did I actually say _because please_? What has my mind become? However, Leonard seems to appreciate my illogical statement, because he takes my hand, tenderly this time.

“Leonard, do not cease loving me… please – please.” – I say. “I do not want to lose you.”

“ _Lose_ me, Spock?” – he asks with sadness. “You never had me, and the chances of you having me in the future are close to zero now.”

I wish I could explain to him; I wish I could tell him how I feel but I cannot put my thoughts into words. I need – I _need_ to see Khan. I do not consciously want to, but I _need_ to see him. And I will _need_ to see him all my life. I can understand Leonard’s distress all too well. Who would want to stay with me, while I need to be with someone else? Who would want a Vulcan that cannot give a bond? Who probably cannot even meld anymore? Who would want to have a _defective_ Vulcan?

If there is anything left of me, that is my honour. I did not betray my high moral principles which I have inherited from my Father, I did what was right – I saved the life of the person who saved all our lives. I will face a lifetime of loneliness and sorrow or this, and enjoy the friendship of one single being – Khan.

I sit up, at a loss of words. I do not know what to tell to Leonard anymore. He no longer wants me – he said quite clearly that my chances of having him in the future are close to zero now.

My temples are pulsating as I change position. My head hurts like never in my life. My mind feels like an open wound.

“What do you want to do?” – Leonard asks me, tiredly.

“I wish to go and see Khan. After which, I will have a shower and get ready for the hearing – if that is alright, Doctor.”

I decide to switch to a more formal approach, first because Leonard has not discharged me yet and I know he really would not appreciate me overstepping his authority, and second, because I feel he rejected me – and it hurts, it hurts more than I can even express into words –

_The chances of you having me in the future are close to zero now_

– these words – these words, THESE WORDS!!!

I put on a pair of sterile slippers which Leonard brings, after which I go to the next compartment of the Medical Bay; Leonard, who has treated Khan, follows me in. I have no objections, I cannot have – it would just raise more suspicions in Leonard’s mind regarding my intentions towards Khan – which are inexistent, but how to make him see?

Khan senses my presence through the bond. I also feel the bond brighten, light, vibrating and luminous like a quartz crystal, but also strong, heavy, and I suddenly need to sit down.

Leonard sees me losing balance and has me sit down on a chair near Khan’s biobed.

“The hell you are going to the hearing, you can’t even stand…” – Leonard comments towards me.

“I will be fine, Leonard, it is just the proximity of the bond that is affecting me – I need a moment to adjust.”

Leonard seems to suddenly realize the extent of my distress. He straightens up and moves a bit farther away from me – a gesture which drains me even more – he wants to give me space, while all I want is to hold him in my arms and never let him go.

I focus my attention on Khan.

We share the same Katra, now, through an indestructible bond.

“You did not let me die.” – he says, softly – his voice low, almost a purr – _this_ is the dangerous predator we were sent to obliterate?

“I did not.” – I answer simply.

What more is there to say?

“Are we safe now? No one would tell me anything.”

“We are out of Klingon space. Your people were not in the torpedoes, I hope you know that. We got the criotubes out.”

“Of course I know. You promised to keep them safe.”

“I always keep my promises.”

“I know. Spock, what will happen, now?”

“To what?”

“To us. You. Me. We are – “

“Yes, we are. I do not know.” – I answer, remaining silent for a few moments. “My mate has rejected me, because I have given you this bond.”

“Why?” – he asks, his eyes widening.

“I can no longer form any other bond. Needless to say I cannot form the marriage bond. The consequences…”

“And he rejected you because of that? Love lays in a bond and that is it? Can he not love you outside a bond?”

“I do not know, Khan” – I answer honestly, unable to hide my distress.

He takes my hand.

Leonard sees the gesture, and abruptly leaves the room.

“Idiot…” – Khan comments.

“Do not call him that. He is in great distress.”

“If he stopped loving you and he rejected you because you can no longer form bonds, then I am sorry but he is exactly that.”

“You do not understand, Khan. My Time… is close. Perhaps a day away. I cannot survive it without a mate, but while I did not care about it before, now I do, because if I die, it would mean killing you in the process as well. And as he rejected me, I will have to look for another solution… someone willing to assist me, without receiving a Vulcan bond from me, which is shameful, disgraceful and altogether horrible.”

He listens to me, beginning to understand the proportions of the disaster unfolding.

“I am very sorry, Spock. Can I assist you?”

“NO!” – I answer. “I will not – I cannot. I will not be with anyone else but Leonard.”

“Very well. It is the honourable thing to do, then, Spock. We will die, both of us.”

“What? No! I did not give you the most precious bond just to kill you 24 hours later!”

“This is all very complicated, Spock, but perhaps you should talk to your Father. He came and melded with me, assessed the condition of the bond, made sure I was alright and was the only one who showed me a little kindness. I believe he is a wise and powerful being, with a lot of experience and he will find a solution. Perhaps he could break our bond.”

“We would die” – I say, crushed. “This bond is unbreakable.”

“Talk to him, Spock, just talk. I am sure he will think of something.”

I stand up, letting go of his hand.

Strange – I felt no particular emotion while holding his hand – it was as if I was holding my right hand with the left one. Khan is… me, now, he is so much a part of me that it is almost indistinguishable where he ends and where I begin.

“Where are you going?” – he asks.

“I need to take a bath and get ready to testify against Marcus.”

“I want to participate.”

“I will ask Leonard to discharge you, then, and to assign you some quarters.”

“There is a security team following me around, by the way. I believe they do not trust me much… yet.”

“It is probably because Jim is not entirely aware of everything that has happened. I will inform him of the situation. If they trust me, then they must trust you as well. I know the most intimate parts of your mind, Khan – it is fair I told you that.”

“Let me assure you that it is reciprocal.”

I finally leave his room. Leonard is busy analysing a blood-sample and avoids looking at me directly.

I go to him.

“Doctor, if Khan’s condition permits it, please discharge him. He wants to participate to the hearing against Marcus and I believe his input would be valuable. I would also require your presence…”

“Why?” – he asks me, still not looking at me.

“Because we have witnessed certain things together, we have lived events together, and because you are my friend.”

He stares at me for a moment – his eyes are read and he appears to have been crying.

“Leonard…” – I whisper, but he stands up and turns his back on me.

“I’ll discharge him in a few moments” – he says, his voice trembling, and goes to Khan to check on him and go through the necessary discharging procedures.

There is nothing left to be said. I leave the Medical Bay and I go to my quarters, where I remove the sterile cloth I have been wearing, stepping into the shower. My skin is dirty and burning. I turn on the cold water, letting it pour over me – the sensation of coolness is blissful, slightly reducing my fever; I could stay here forever, but unfortunately the water ration will end in 3.22 minutes and I must make the most of my shower. I apply shampoo and shower gel quickly, the water is ice-cold, my hands are trembling, I do not care. I no longer care. This body deserves no better treatment, this body has betrayed me, the doomed flames of the Time will consume me, will make me want to rip away my own flesh, will eventually kill me. I am the slave of my own body which I hate.

What will I do, oh, what, WHAT?

I will wait and see what comes my way – what else is there to be done in an impossible situation – except wait and let everything happen, and hope a solution might appear out of the unknown – how un-Vulcan of me! – to even think of such things.

Perhaps, sometimes in life, it is important not to think so much of the future and just take things one step at a time, slowly, slowly, hour by hour or even minute by minute…

I wipe my body dry, dressing in a fresh uniform.

Time to face the one who is responsible for all this.

 


	15. 7 PM

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At the hearing there would be a few people present, from various Star Trek TV series. I have gathered all the people I love, not caring for a timeline.

I am so tired… so tired. I have leaned against the wall for a few moments, before entering Conference Room 2, where Admiral Pike, Admiral Janeway, Admiral Archer and Captains James Kirk and Jean-Luc Picard are waiting for me. Marcus has also been brought to the hearing, followed by a full security squad.

The Enterprise is on dead-stop and we are undergoing repairs so that we can return to Earth.

I wish my Father were here too, but he is needed on the Bridge.

I wish Leonard – Leonard, my love, my love! – I wish he could be here with me, but he has been avoiding me all the time, and I do not know how to reach out to him, to his mind, to explain to him that I love him so, that I want him more than I have ever wanted anything – and that even if I cannot give him a bond – the bond he rightfully deserves – I never stopped loving and wanting him. My logic fails; my own body is burning more and more. I will die, I willdieIwilldieIwilldie – did I not say this already, several times since this morning?

I will die without him, because I cannot bear the thought of passing through my Time with _another_.

Leonard believes I want Khan.

I do not _want_ Khan – but I need him, I will forever need his proximity, and I understand very well that for Leonard, the mere thought is unbearable.

I am shivering.

The doors of the Conference Room open and Jim comes outside, inviting me in.

“You alright?” – he asks, with kindness and concern.

“I am far from alright, Captain, but thank you.”

I sense another presence near me – I turn to look – Leonard!

“Hi.” – he says, somehow uncertain.

“Hi, Bones” – Jim greets him, using the famous nickname he had gifted Leonard with about seven years ago.

“Spock may need me, so I am attending the hearing too. Let me hear no complains.”

“Uhm, no complains, Bones. You’re the Chief Medical Officer, meaning you’re the Boss. You can attend whatever hearing you want.” – he says, good-humouredly.

As a response, Leonard just frowns at him and completely avoids my gaze.

Why has he come?

He said he came in order to attend to me, should I need him. He carries a portable medical bag with him.  I wonder if this is the only reason – or does he simply need to be near me?

I am overthinking and overanalysing and this is the wrong time.

We are going inside and I take my place at the far end of the conference table, opposite from Marcus. I watch him with expressionless eyes. I want him to pay for what he did, so I will just narrate facts. Everyone in the room knows I will not withhold the truth in any way, because Vulcans, is it not so, do not lie.

“Commander Spock” – Admiral Janeway begins – she is presiding the hearing. “Thank you for joining us. Are you feeling well?”

“My Doctor is here with me, thank you for your kind question, Admiral” – I respond politely. “I am not feeling well, but I am fully capable of participating in this reunion.”

“Mr. Spock. Were you aware that criotubes containing living human beings were placed inside the torpedoes given to you by Admiral Marcus?”

“At the time when he had given us the torpedoes, I was not aware. I was merely suspicious of the missiles, as we had not received any technical specifications along with them, which was the very reason for which our Chief Engineer…”

“I have already told them what happened to Scotty, Spock…” – Jim said, embarrassed.

“…our Chief Engineer decided to resign his position, as he found the weapons unsafe” – I continue, despite Jim’s interruption.

Now is the time of the truth. Sparing anyone’s feelings will not do any good to anyone.

“THIS IS A LIE!!” – Marcus interjected. “They did not receive those torpedoes from me!”

To even say such a thing! I wonder – does the shamelessness of Humans have any limits whatsoever? It appears not.

“Pardon me, Sir, but I will quote the exact words which you used when you drafted the mission parameters to my Captain and myself: _Kirk, you have the command of the Enterprise back. I will give you a set of new photon torpedoes which we have recently designed. They are of long-range, untraceable, they would be invisible to Klingon sensors. Go and take him out. You park on the edge of the Neutral Zone, you lock on to Harrison’s position, you fire, you kill him and you return home._ ”

“You lie!!”

“Vulcans cannot lie, Admiral” – I answer matter-of-factly. “They cannot lie just as you cannot live underwater. It is a biological nonsense.”

“Mr. Spock” – Admiral Janeway continues – “Are the torpedoes that were given to you by Admiral Marcus the same ones in which criotubes containing living human beings were found?”

“Affirmative, Admiral.”

She does not doubt my words – I can sense her from across the room. I take a brief moment to study all of them. They are shocked and disgusted by what happened, and at the same time relieved that there were only very little casualties and also by the fact that we avoided a war with the Klingon Empire, due to the prompt intervention of my Father.

My Father – my Father had said he could take the Fires away from me, should I be in distress- I wonder if he is still willing to do that – without the fires, I would not die, I would not kill Khan, and I would, perhaps, have a chance to convince Leonard…

When I think of how today started…! – Scotty, taking me aside and telling me that should I need an… _assistant_ , he would gladly help me through the Ponn Farr Time, without asking a bond in return. Strange how I can sense that this proposition is no longer standing… Something happened to him… something deep and important, something devastating and life-changing, and I know it has to do with my Father. He has… as Humans poetically express it… _fallen in love_. I can understand him. Falling in love with Sarek of Vulcan is the easiest thing in the world. And once it happened, you cannot _fall out of it_.

“…Spock?” – Leonard’s voice zooms my mind back into reality.

Did I actually lose focus for a moment, wandering in my own mind?

“Do you require any medical assistance, Mr. Spock?” – Captain Picard asks me and I shiver at the should of his sharp voice – he is young, but well-versed in the tactics of Command and an exceptional Starship Captain whom Starfleet trusts greatly.

“Negative, Captain, I apologize. I am merely tired. It has been a very difficult day.”

“Are you going to validate the testimony of a man who is physically and mentally exhausted??” – Marcus plays his last card.

“He may be tired, Admiral, but he is in no way incapacitated!” – Jim suddenly snaps at him.

I know Jim is in enough trouble already. He is very much responsible for what had happened and had he not blindly followed orders as well as his own instincts to revenge, we would have spared a lot of time, effort… and lives.

“How did you become aware that there were people in the torpedoes?” – Admiral Pike asks, furthermore.

“Upon capturing the prisoner John Harrison – or Khan, by his real name, he has informed us that we should under no circumstances fire the weapons and he accepted to surrender to us just in order to avoid any loss of lives. He advised that we would become convinced of his true intentions and we would understand the reasons for his actions if we opened a torpedo to look inside.”

An unconformable silence settles in the room. All eyes turn towards Marcus – the people present start to understand that Marcus manipulated Khan by locking his crew inside the torpedoes and by threatening to detonate them, should he not obey his orders.

“Please explain how you opened a torpedo, despite having no such prior experience.” – Captain Picard further asks me, his eyes cold as ever.

“Along with Doctor Leonard McCoy and assisted by Chief Engineer Montgomery Scott via a subspace video connection, we have moved a torpedo onto a planetoid which was 34 kilometres away from our respective location. We have done so in order not to endanger the lives of the Enterprise crew, should our procedure have gone wrong.”

“Your procedure did go wrong, didn’t it?” – Janeway asks.

“It did, admiral, as Doctor McCoy accidentally cut the wrong wire, which led to the torpedo arming itself and trapping his arm inside. We were very fortunate that the prisoner Khan managed to assist us and I was able to cancel the detonation sequence.”

“What you are trying to convey, Commander” – Jim intervenes – and I really do not understand why – “is that the prisoner Khan did in fact save your lives with his prompt intervention.”

“As you are well aware Captain, the prisoner Khan has saved our lives on more occasions that one. ALL our lives.”

“He’s playing with you, son!” – Marcus exclaims, his face red with fury. “He has been playing with you all along. This is one of his carefully plotted plans to make you trust him, so that he could obtain what he always wanted – the criotubes!”

“With all due respect, Admiral” – I decide to respond – “the prisoner Khan had no idea that I was going to save his life when he walked into the _live_ Warp-core chamber to realign the housings. He was certain he was going to his death.”

“MANIPULATION!!” – he yells, on the verge of losing all control. “MANIPULATION ALL THE WAY!”

“Please explain how did the prisoner Khan manipulate Commander Spock” – Picard asks him, his eyes sharp, his posture suddenly stiff. If I did not know better, I would say he is… angry.

Admiral Marcus is momentarily at a loss of words. He cannot explain how Khan manipulated me, because obviously, he did not.

“Admiral Marcus” – it is Christopher Pike’s turn to speak.

I take a moment to look at him – my dear friend and protector. I am so fond of him and so glad he was not severely injured in the terrible Daystrom attack. I know that the respective attack would be one of the events Khan would have to pay for – but I do hope that all the subsequent good he has done will constitute extenuating circumstances.

I need Khan’s proximity, his presence in my life, otherwise the bond would exhaust our life-essences. Should they imprison him in a far-away facility, life would be hell.

“…did you or did you not attempt to destroy the Federation Starship Enterprise?”

“I did not such thing!!!” – Marcus spits out. “Khan and Kirk were holding me at gunpoint, ordering me to arm missiles and destroy the Enterprise!!”

“Son of a bitch!” – Jim exclaims, he himself red with fury this time.

Pike turns his head to look him in the eye.

“Please, let us try and maintain a civilized attitude and dialogue, gentlemen. The idea of Captain Kirk ordering another human – or non-human being to fire upon his own ship is purely ridiculous, I believe we can all agree upon that point.”

With Marcus’ exception, everyone in the room murmured their approval.

“We are waiting for you to finally start speaking the truth, Admiral Marcus” – Janeway speaks, her tone slightly ironical. “We are wasting everyone’s time with such accusations and assumptions.”

“I WILL NEVER AGREE TO SUCH LIES!!”

Janeway effectively sighs. Pike shakes his head.

“Commander Spock, please invite his Excellency Ambassador Sarek of Vulcan to this hearing. We will resume our meeting in ten minutes’ time.” – Pike says.

As I head to the Bridge to pick up Father, I can hear Marcus mumbling – _You are doing a terrible mistake –_

It is a known fact that no one can lie in the presence of Sarek of Vulcan. Marcus knows that he has no choice and that, soon, he will have to speak the truth.

My Father is on the Bridge, on the Commanding Chair. He does not do anything in particular. He just… _stays there_ , powerful and beautiful like a god, an immensely calming presence, and everyone operates at their best. I know that feeling; you do not want to disappoint when Sarek of Vulcan’s gaze is fixed upon you. You want to be better; to do good; to go beyond your own limits.

“Greetings, Father” – I salute him with humility, and with the regret I cannot put one knee down, according to tradition.

“Son” – he says, turning his head to look at me. “Is the hearing over already?”

“Your presence is required, Father, if you would do us the honour of participating.”

He sighs. He is tired.

“What is the matter, he will not speak the truth?”

“He will not, indeed. He is trying to find a modality to get away, despite the immense amount of evidence against him.”

“I will never understand Humans, in this respect. They do wrong; they are caught; they lie and they will not assume consequences.”

“I know.”

“One of the weaknesses of this race… very well, I will come. Mr. Sulu” – he then addresses our young pilot – “please assume command while I am gone.” – he says politely.

Lieutenant Sulu is immediately on his feet, very slightly blushing – because Sarek of Vulcan has just spoken to him, and this is something fantastic.

My Father takes my arm and we head back to the conference room.

“You are burning” – my Father notices.

“I am, Father. Can you help me?”

“I have done all I can, my child – meaning I have managed to soothe your Fires a bit, but I am afraid I cannot do more.”

“You said, Father, that you could take them from me.”

“I could, and I would have, if there was a parental bond left in your mind, Son.”

I stop, gasping!

“W-what?”

“Did you not notice that you only have one bond in your mind? The one with Khan? All the others you had – have melted upon the great effort to create your bond with him. This is the wonder and the curse of the survival bond. Nothing else can exist.”

Shocked beyond words, I stop and I lean against the wall. He is right, of course. There is only one bond in my mind. Nothing else. My parental bond – destroyed!

“Do not be so desperate, child. I am still your Father” – he says, looking into my eyes, as if trying to convey a very important message to me. “You are still my son, my only son. My heir. Bond or no bond, there is nothing that will ever change the reality of this fact.”

“I am – I am so sorry, forgive me…” – I murmur.

“Son, try to focus and to understand. We are Vulcans, yes. We function through bonds. But they are not _everything_. The relationship between two people is so much more than a bond, which is, after all, a mental construct. It is like marriage for humans, if you want. They can live together without logging their relationship officially, or they can get married. However, the marriage contract does not enhance love, nor does it diminish the feeling.”

I swallow hard – he is trying to say something of great importance and my mind barely functions.

We are back to the Conference Room.

To my great pleasure, everyone respectfully stands up upon my Father entering the room. They hold him in awe, as they should – Sarek of Vulcan is…

“God, it’s good to see you” – Jim says with relief.

“Indeed?” – my Father raises a brow at the young Captain. “And why is that, Captain Kirk?”

“Because now I know that Admiral Marcus will finally start talking, he will speak the truth and everyone will be able to get on with other things.”

Captain Picard comes closer, he bows his head in front of my Father and offers him a chair, gracefully. Impeccable manners.

“Merci, Jean-Luc, tu es très gentil, comme toujours.” – my Father says, with a perfect French accent.

I blink a few times. Does he actually – did he actually – actually? In French? A language I could never learn a single word in.

The two exchange a smile and everyone else sits down. Marcus is being brought in by a security team and he is made sit down on the chair to the left of my Father.

I momentarily frown – I do not like this dangerous person sit so close to him, so I decide to remain standing, behind the chair of my Father – just in case Marcus tries anything.

“Talk.” – my Father orders Admiral Marcus.

I study his reactions. He feels humiliated by the order, terrified of not being able to hide the truth anymore. He swallows hard.

“About what?” – he makes one more attempt at postponing the inevitable.

“How did you meet Khan? Tell us from the beginning.” – Admiral Janeway urges him, barely refraining from rolling her eyes.

“I found their ship adrift. I only revived him. I had placed the other criotubes in a safe place. I noticed soon that Khan was… exceptional. Truly exceptional. Physically, mentally… there was nothing he could not do, nothing he could not learn” – Marcus explains, words tumbling out of his mouth as if out of their own accord. He must speak, I know it – because Sarek of Vulcan is present.

“How did you determine him to obey your orders?”

“I blackmailed him. I would burn the criotubes with the others if he did not do what I said.”

Everyone in the room shudders.

“What were Khan’s tasks?”

“To design and assist in building a ship twice as strong and powerful than any other Federation Starship. To help me unleash a devastating war against Klingons so that we ca exterminate them once and for all. To help eliminate all those involved.”

“You wanted to kill my son, Admiral” – my Father suddenly addresses him, his eyes sparking with anger. “Even though you know that every Vulcan life is priceless and extraordinarily precious, you wanted to kill my very own son.”

“I hate the Vulcan race and your son” – he says, despise reflecting in his eyes. “It was fortunate he was aboard the Enterprise.”

Why would Admiral Marcus hate me? The last person that hated me so –

“Therefore you have willingly attempted to destroy a Starfleet Vessel.”

“Yes, I have.” – he utters with difficulty. There is no way to lie. He hates it. He would like to pull out a gun and shatter my Father right then and there.

“Why?” – I hear the beautiful voice of Admiral Jonathan Archer – a man I respect greatly. “Why did you singlehandedly start a war against Starfleet – you, of all people – the Head of Starfleet itself?”

“Because I hate humans and mankind and you all deserve to die” – he finally speaks the darkest and most terrifying truth, the only one he had hoped he would be able to still conceal.

My Father slowly stood up and approached Marcus. There was practically no one breathing in the room. The ill-hearted Admiral hated humanity, but was he not human too?

Without further ado, I see my Father taking a fistful of his hair, and connecting a deep, probing meld, which momentarily makes Marcus scream – NO – STOP!! – but he is no match for Vulcan strength.

I see my Father’s eyes widening in surprise for a short moment.

“This person is not entirely human” – Sarek then says, gravely. “He is half Romulan.”

Murmurs pass through the conference room – a spy? The head of Starfleet was a Romulan spy?

“He is Nero’s brother” – my Father adds – and I can sense his surprise, his horror, as the vast memories of destruction and loss overwhelm him.


	16. 8 PM

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Reference to incest

"Five years ago, my Brother and I made plans to eliminate those who did us harm, who destroyed - I mean, who would destroy our world in the future. Nero planned to kill Spock and shatter the planet Vulcan to pieces, but he only managed to accomplish the second part of the plan. We both knew that Nero, my brave and reckless brother, was embarking himself on a kamikaze mission. I was going to ensure a back-up plan" - Marcus said with difficulty. 

I see Father taking a fistful of his hair - he is standing, while Marcus is sitting down. The Vulcan's face was as calm and composed as ever; just his eyes were sparking with anger.

"The back-up plan was to kill my son?" - he asked on an ice-cold tone.

Marcus swallowed hard and I can sense that for the first time since all this started, he no longer feels despise and hatred - he feels... fear.

"Not only your son." - he answers, then he tries to avoid his gaze.

"No-no, you will look into my eyes and respond to all my questions."

I look at the other people in the room - everyone is mute, almost not breathing. There is a silent understanding between the people present; Sarek made him talk; Sarek discovered the truth; Sarek has the right to conduct the interrogation - because this is what the hearing has transformed into.

"Therefore" - Father continues - "you wanted to kill... not only my son. Who else?"

"Everyone. I wanted to kill everyone!" - the Admiral yells, hysterical. 

"Genocide is rarely successfully accomplished by a single person, but then again you ARE Nero's brother – and he has already managed to destroy an entire planet. HOW were you planning to destroy  _everyone_?"

"Starting a war with the Klingon Empire was the fastest way. Mutual annihilation. The Romulans would also lend a hand. Without Earth and Kronos, the Federation would fall apart. Romulus would gain sovereignty over the Entire Quadrant. The destruction of our world from the future would be avoided! Romulus would be..." - he gasps for air and he seems to be suffocating under the frenzy of his own madness - "Romulus would be the Pearl of the Quadrant! The Romulan Empire would grow and flourish!!! the Romulan Emp---"

He does not manage to finish the last sentence, because my Father strikes him hard, with full Vulcan strength, over his face – over his mouth more precisely, making him swallow his words and perhaps a few teeth.

He remains still, too shocked to speak, after which - his mind lost, he launches himself towards my Father, with the intention to strangle him with his bare hands.

"That is quite enough", Admiral Janeway intervenes, taking a good hold of Marcus' wrist and pulling him back, to avoid any further display of violence. "Security! Escort Admiral Marcus back to the brig and stay with him at all times."

The four members of the security team take Marcus outside, positively dragging him onto the halls of the ship. 

Admiral Janeway collapses back on the chair and everyone seems crushed. Head of Starfleet - a Romulan spy and related to the despising creature which has destroyed my home world, transforming the thriving Vulcan species into an endangered one!

Janeway is the first to speak, again.

"Under these aggravating circumstances, I believe we need a replacement for Admiral Marcus as soon as possible, someone trustworthy and who can take us safely through this horrible crisis. All of us here are fully capable, however given the severe offense which has been brought to the Vulcan leader, I would propose that Sarek chooses one of us.

Everyone seems to agree to the proposition and I am suddenly overwhelmed by a feeling of pride - my Father enjoys the full trust of every single being in this room.

He straightens his robe and looks at everyone in the room, his gaze resting upon the beautiful face of my dear friend and protector, Admiral Christopher Pike.

“I have known this man for a long time and I do not doubt his intentions and honesty” – my Father speaks, “therefore it is logical that I choose him. I am well aware that everyone else in the room equally deserves to become leader of Starfleet, so my proposition is to accept Admiral Christopher Pike until the crisis is over, as you very well put it, Admiral Janeway, after which you can organize elections and vote for another person, should need arise.”

Admiral Pike looks at everyone in the room patiently but no one has anything against Sarek’s proposition.

He stands up and comes to my Father.

“I am offering you my thoughts, my dear friend, for you to probe my mind, my intentions and honesty as you said, to be convinced and to ensure everyone in this room we shall suffer no more deceit.”

Pleased at his attitude and proposal, Sarek extends one hand and aligns his beautiful fingers on Admiral Christopher Pike’s face. They spend 5.32 minutes looking into each other’s eyes. At times, I see Father frowning slightly, imperceptibly for anyone else but me – I wonder what did he see in his friend’s mind? Perhaps military secrets. Perhaps personal secrets. Perhaps feelings that were never shared with anyone. Whatever it was, Father now knows everything about him.

He removes his hand and graciously extends it for a shake – the human habit I know he abhors, which makes it even more honourable and precious. They shake hands, and I see that my Father’s expression has somehow changed, having become milder, the earlier anger almost completely dissipated.

I start shivering uncontrollably. No, not now, not now, this is a very bad moment. My teeth clench and I feel I am going to – I am going to –

Not now, oh, please, not now, not now!!!

This is the wrong moment to fall apart, to give in to the Fever – Leonard, Leonard! My consciousness screams, but my lips utter no words.

He is close to me, running scans, and I can feel my Father’s hand on my arm, taking me outside, after having murmured some reassuring words to those in the room.

If only I could touch Leonard for a second, his mind, his body, but he stays far from me, one meter away, issuing orders around – probably he has summoned a medical team.

My Father lays me down on a stretcher and caresses my face. I feel our minds touch for a brief moment, but my consciousness violently rejects him. It will reject everyone, except my chosen mate. Leonard, oh, Leonard!

“Leonard.” – I manage to murmur.

“Yes, Commander” – he says, on a cold and official tone that brings me so much pain.

“Please, please” – I plead, even though I do not know how to formulate what I want, what I need. I want him to be mine, I need him to, I want to hold him in my arms and to kiss him and to make love to him for days, and to tell him he is everything to me.

“I’ll get Khan” – Leonard says, and I feel as if he slapped me.

Darkness follows.

 

***

 

 When I open my eyes, I see Father standing by my bed. There a few other people present. But Leonard – where is Leonard, my beloved, my beloved?

I know that I would be drifting on and out of consciousness from now on, unless I deal with my Time in the proper way. Leonardleonardleonard – my consciousness screams again. I am burning inside, and I can feel drops of sweat forming on my forehead. A foreign hand attempts to soothe me, cleaning my face with a wet towel.

“Le-… Leonard?”

“Khan”, the response comes.

I turn my head and I see Khan. I push his hand away.

“Please, do not touch me.”

“I apologize” – he says with sorrow. “Spock, we must talk. Your Father is here, we will talk in his presence, is that fine?”

I nod – there is little I can do anyway, even though I highly doubt I can talk.

“Spock.” – he says, and I suddenly see Leonard coming closer and pulling a curtain around my bed, so that we could talk in peace – but he does not participate. He leaves, and I feel the remaining reason I still have will soon leave me as well.

“Leonard”, I murmur, lost.

“Spock, focus for a moment” – Khan says and attempts to take my hand, but his touch makes me jumpy and I push him away again.

I sense my Father’s fingers on my face and my mind momentarily clears.

“What is it you want?” – I manage to ask Khan.

He takes a deep breath.

“Spock, you saved my life under very difficult, almost impossible circumstances. And now, you yourself are going through a very difficult and almost impossible situation. Let me help you.”

“How could you help me?”

“I am offering you my body. Use me during your Time.”

I close my eyes tightly.

How could I – how could I, how could I?

“I am very sorry, Khan. I now know your mind and most importantly, your heart, and I know your intentions are honourable. I wish I could live enough to testify in your favour.”

“Son” – Father speaks. “You need to make a decision. I will not allow you to kill yourself. Remember that your life still belongs to me. I will not order you to act now, but if you persist in your stubbornness, I will do it, and you will obey.”

“Father… Khan… I am sorry…  I wish I could, I wish I just could, but my love for Leonard is so deep and so profound, that I cannot – I simply cannot see, nor touch, anything else. The only – ah, the only, the only –“

“The only, what, Son? Please try to focus.”

“Mr. Scott has made the same offer to me, earlier this morning. He said he would be willing to assist me through my Time without asking for a bond or for anything else in return. However – “

My Father frowns and I stop. To this day, I feel shivers of fear upon seeing him frown.

“Go on…” – he encourages me.

“However I did not accept his offer as I could not simply use another being like that. I could not do it to him, and I will not do it to you, Khan.”

“But, Spock” – Khan says with his softest voice – “We already share a bond. And even if we did not – I would not care for one. Let me help you.”

“I only want Leonard…” – I whisper again, and I realize I sound like a robot repeating the same thing over and over again. But the truth is exactly this: I _only_ want Leonard. I will go mad and then die – and it will be –

“I will go talk to him” – Khan says and extends one hand to pull the curtain away and to go look for Leonard.

“I have already tried.” – Father says. “He is stubborn and declares he does not love my son, while the truth is exactly the opposite. I can feel his love radiating from two metres away. I truly cannot understand humans.”

“If there is any chance of still having Leonard, Father” – I speak – “I will not ruin it. I will wait for him until the last moment, my condition is not yet critical. If he still… rejects me, Father, I will follow your orders, whatever they are.”

“You can ruin your chances of being with Leonard very easily” – Khan says angrily – “by being dead! Why must you also be stubborn? I do not see the logic of this.”

“Humans, Khan” – my Father explained – “value physical intimacy very much, and thus Leonard would feel betrayed if Spock chose another mate, even temporarily. And even if it is in order to save his own life.”

“But he did not choose another mate, Spock chose him!” – Khan exclaims. “I do not understand.”

“I do not understand either, but apparently it has to do with another complication which is specifically human, which is called _pride_.”

“Oh, how stupid.” – with those words, Khan angrily pulls the curtain away and leaves.

I cannot do anything but sigh.

My Father cleans my face with a wet towel. His touch is the only one I can tolerate.

“I do not mean to sound cruel, child, but as I said, I will not let you take your own life. Not to mention that should you do this, you would also take Khan’s life, that you struggled so hard to save, and at such a high price. Why save someone’s life, if you are going to kill him seven hours later?”

“I… I know, Father. I know. But perhaps Leonard – perhaps he will come to me, I will wait for him… I will – forever – wait for him…”

“Son, you do not sound like yourself. But I know this is how it happens. The Time always alters our mind and our logic and makes us say thing we grow to regret. I will let you wait for your stubborn mate for a few hours, after which, should he not come to you willingly – “

“NO – YOU WILL NOT FORCE HIM” – I try to sit up, ready to strangle anyone who would even think of harming Leonard.

My Father pushes me back on the pillow and he easily holds me down.

“I will not force him, Spock, I am not a savage, that would qualify as rape, I would never do that. No, I will order you to accept Khan’s offer, and if you decide to continue to be stubborn about it still, I will deal with your Time myself.”

I hold my breath.

I stare at him, not actually understanding.

Did he say he would deal with my Time – himself? Himself? _Himself_?

“That is what I said” – he assures me, as he can easily read my astonishment – “and that is what I am going to do.”

As the unbelievable piece of information settles in my mind, strangely, I find a little peace. Between choosing Khan as a temporary mate, dying or being assisted by my Father – I cannot even imagine how that would be though – the last of the possibilities, albeit being shocking (and perhaps even illegal?) – is acceptable for me.

“I will put you in a healing trance for one hour, Spock.” – Father tells me. “You are exhausted and you need to rest in order to deal with whatever comes at us next.”

He does not wait for my consent, nor does he need it – softly, his fingers touch the meld points on my face and once again, darkness separates me from the world.


	17. 9 PM

"Father?" - I murmur as I manage to open my eyes.

"Yes, child." - I hear him answer, his beautiful voice so soothing.

"Please tell the Doctor to discharge me. I see no point in being in the Medical Bay, as I am not sick."

Before he manages to answer, I sense Leonard approaching me.

"What is this nonsense? What do you mean you are not sick? Your body temperature is that of 43 degrees Celsius – you are practically burning! And you - you want me to discharge you?" - he snaps at me, on the tone which I know… oh so well.

"Leonard, you are well aware I am going through my Time. This is not a sickness, even though for you, I admit, it must look very much like one. It is a biological necessity and you cannot help me... medically speaking."

"Listen, you –"

I close my eyes, bracing myself for more anger, but he suddenly stops, as he is probably embarrassed by my Father's presence. 

"Listen, you are in a very bad shape, Spock, your vitals are way off - hell, they are so erratic I can't even - I can't even measure them..." - he says on a softer tone. 

"I am very much aware of all this, Leonard. However, I would feel more comfortable in my quarters."

He shifts uncomfortably, looking at me, then at Father, then again at me.

My heart-beat is suddenly accelerating - perhaps - perhaps he wants to talk?

"Ambassador, would you please excuse us for a moment?" - he dares to say to him.

Father looks at him carefully, as if considering. I sense the thought forming in his powerful mind, as a warning, should he harm his child...

"Very well..." - he concedes; after which he stands up. “I will return shortly”.

Finally! Finally. I am alone with Leonard, my love and my life. So much I would like to hold his hand; so much. We were so close to finally being together, when did we ruin this? How did I manage to let him slip through my fingers? How did I manage to chase him away? Why, oh why did I not act sooner? He wouldn’t have doubted the sincerity of my love for him.

“How are you feeling? For real, please… don’t give me any Vulcan crap.” – he tells me.

“I am feeling like I am going to die, Leonard, and I am going to. I nearly died several times today – but this time, there is no other finality for me.”

“Why in the hell not? You only need to sleep with someone.”

I close my eyes – why do I feel as if he has just slapped me?

“I cannot just… _sleep_ with someone, Leonard. I am not that kind of person, no matter how low you think of me. I have never had a partner, as you are probably aware – it must be somewhere in my medical records.”

“Khan told me that he wants to help you, he offered – “

“PLEASE. Don’t. I do not wish to talk about Khan.”

“Why in the hell not? You saved his life. You gave him the most… the most… intimate essence of yourself, half of your Katra. It is only logical – “

“Leonard, please. Do not tell me what is logical. I do not wish to _use_ Khan.”

“Of course… of course. I should have realized.” – he says softly, and he looks defeated.

I try to sit up, leaning my back against a tall pillow which he offers me.

“I did not say you should _use_ him, I did not mean that in a wrong way” – he continues, defensively. “He – you – I mean, you two are made for each other, as we humans say, you are a match made in heaven – just… go for it, just do it and be together, I cannot understand why you hesitate.”

He avoids my gaze.  I try to reach out to touch his hand but he also avoids my touch and it breaks me.

"Leonard, how can you suggest me to choose Khan, when you know very well it is **you** that I want?"

"Forgive me Spock, but you are not making much sense right now. I have found out that you...  _want_  me - as you say - only earlier today. There were absolutely no signs, no hints, nothing to indicate the slightest interest in me before today. So I am not really convinced. Why would you want me? You don't even...  _like_  me."

"How did you deduce I do not like you?" - I ask, tiredly.

"We always fight, you always point out in various arguments that I am wrong, or illogical... you never spend time with me - it is always with Jim... I thought - I mean, we all thought that you and Jim..."

"It was never anything between me and Jim, Leonard... we have always fought and had arguments, but that did not affect my regard... my love for you. I am Vulcan... I do not know how a Human expects to be courted... but I am willing to learn - give me a chance to do so."

His eyes momentarily fill with tears. 

"Are you... are you actually asking me for a chance?"

"I am asking you to be mine, Leonard..."

"But he... I mean -  _he,_ Khan - he is so much better for you. He is intelligent, and strong, quite a match for you, and then there is the bond. You cannot give a bond to anyone, anymore, but you already have a solid one with him. Why not be with him? Why continue to... want me?"

"I DO NOT CARE" - I raise my voice, and then I realise others may hear us. "I do not care if Khan is right for me or not. I only want you, Leonard... and I know you want me as well, why do you reject me?"

So low have I fallen, no pride left, no dignity. The only thing left is to beg.

He stiffens. Of course he does - he has never seen me so emotional. 

"I am sorry" - he says, standing up. "I am very sorry, Spock. I - just - I can't. You are not yourself. Shouldn't you face your Time, you wouldn't even look at me. I would be nothing for you. I don't even know, and I don't understand your sudden interest - I am not even that attractive, hell, I am rather old to be honest, and you are young, strong, beautiful... and the son of a King. Why would you even look at me? You would only use me and throw me away like a used toy after..."

"No... no... Leonard, how can you say... no..."

I have no more energy left. I do not know what else to tell him and how to convince him of my true feelings. I feel terrible, terrible. If only I could reverse time and fix my mistakes. If only I could do something to convince him of the depth of my feelings for him.

If only I could die, and be over with everything, because living without him is a torture. But I cannot die - not when the life of another person depends on me. I will not be a murderer. 

"Look, Spock..." - he murmurs, on a softer tone.

"Discharge me, please, Doctor." - I interrupt him abruptly.

Have I just done another mistake?

"I cannot dis-"

"Enough. I am not sick. Discharge me."

He gazes at me with eyes filled with sorrow - as if I was his enemy - and perhaps I am, who knows. I can no longer face his rejection. I can no longer bear being near him and not holding him in my arms. 

I sit up, nearly losing balance and he rushes to help me but I avoid his touch.

"Please do not touch me, I cannot - I cannot."

He turns his back on me and goes to the front desk to sign my discharge order. In due time, because my Father is just returning.

"What has been happening?" - he asks.

"Nothing much, Ambassador" - Leonard answers coldly. "Your son has insisted to be discharge, so here is the order. If you want to help him to his quarters, you may do so."

"Why are you not taking him there?" - Sarek asks in a purely non-diplomatic manner.

"He refused." - with those words - which are not the truth, of course - Leonard goes to Surgery Room One, where no outsiders can follow him. 

"Father."

"Yes." - he responds with sorrow.

"I will accept your offer, the last one." - I inform him, as he helps me sit up and dress. 

"We shall not talk here" - he says, and he waits patiently for me to dress. 

 

We are going to my quarters, together, and he allows me to lean on his arm. I am grateful and I ignore the looks of those we pass by on the long corridors of the ship. I must look horrible. 

I input the access code with a trembling hand and I step aside for Father to enter first, which he does. I follow him and I close the door behind us.

My quarters are normally orderly, but this time, due to the heavy turbulences and spinning we have experienced, most of the objects on the shelves have fallen down. I attempt to pick them, but nausea suddenly overwhelms me and I sit down on the floor, leaning with my head against the small sofa, trying not to throw up. 

My Father remains standing, his hands clasped loosely behind his back, looking at me calmly. 

"Forgive me..." - I whisper. "It will...  pass... in a moment."

He shakes his head and he goes to the replicator; he overrides my codes and he procures a glass of cold water, which he then hands to me.

"Thank you" - I murmur - and after a moment I feel better. 

He runs one hand through my hair and I close my eyes. I try to get used to the idea that he will be the one assisting me through my Time, no matter how wrong that is, no matter how strange it is; no matter how shameful it is. I am not even sure if something like this has even happened before. However, for me it is the only possible option. I love Leonard; no, I adore him, he is my entire life. Choosing another partner but him would feel like... betraying him, like cheating; I will not cheat. I will keep my love pure, by doing the most shameful and preposterous thing imaginable - I will go through the Time being assisted by my own Father. It is strange; but this way I do not feel I betray the love of my life. My Father is... a solution; an antidote to dying; not a partner, and not a threat to him. 

"Child..." - my Father speaks.

"Y... yes..."

"Do not torture yourself. You have made your point and your choice. The rest is up to me from now on."

"Then... you... you accept to... assist me?"

"Kneel, child, and give me your thoughts." - he says, on a deep, reassuring - yet firm tone.

I place the glass of water on the ground near me and I first arrange my hair, after which I correct my position, so that I would be on my knees, lifting my head so that he could easily meld with me. 

Soft, cool fingers align on my face. 

This sensation of coolness is so soothing, I wish it could last forever! - because everything, everything inside me is burning - my body, yes, but also, and especially - my mind, as if my brain is on fire. His mind connects to mine and I feel I can breathe again. He allows for a fragile bridge to be created between my mind and his, and through this passage, this safe-way, the flames pass, so that we can share them; less weight, less heat for me. Sharing. Sharing. Sharing the Fire.

"Calm down, Spock. Let your mind settle. You will not die, not while I am here and I am looking over you."

"Thank you... what must I do?"

"Nothing. I will do all the necessary things. From this moment on, you have entrusted me with your life, and you will let ME deal with everything. Can you do this for me?"

"Yes... Father."

Calling him  _Father_  when I know what we ae going to do is getting increasingly difficult. He senses my discomfort.

"Trust me... Son" - he responds. Your time will not fully start before 03:00 of the night, so you still have six more hours of useful consciousness, hours that you will spend in my presence. We shall wait until the Dawn of your Time, and then we shall start. I am hoping we shall be at home by then, on Earth, for I truly dislike being on a Starship during such circumstances. There is never any real privacy here, and experience has proven that anything can happen. You may not know, because it is the first time you would be passing through the Ponn Farr, but interrupting a Vulcan during this period can be very dangerous and even deadly.”

“I don’t even know what is the ship’s status anymore… it is as if I was not even alive in the last couple of hours. What happened at the hearing? And Marcus?”

Father sits down on the sofa and I cuddle at his feet – there is a certain peace that engulfed my mind, perhaps the thought that things _will be dealt with_. That I no longer have to choose anything. Being free of this turmoil allows me to function, not within normal parameters, but still I can function and it is blissful to be able to simply _think_ and _remember_ again.

Father frowns deeply and his eyes darken momentarily.

“Marcus is a Romulan scum that I will deal with soon enough. He will be judged on New Vulcan, I will make sure of that.”

“But he looks human, I mean – he reads fully human – I have scanned him on more occasions than one.”

"Marcus has been altered surgically, and reads fully human. Only advanced DNA tests are able to point out his true origin, Doctor McCoy has already started working on them."

"Advanced DNA tests, or your presence..."

"Being the Vulcan...  _king_ , as they call me, comes with certain blessings. People not being able to lie to me is one of the advantages."

"You appointed Admiral Pike..."

"Yes, and very honestly, Spock, I hope they will keep him. I have probed his mind and he is one of the most honest and hardworking people I know. Besides, he cares deeply for you, and that is another point in his favour."

I find this statement so endearing, that I take his hand and I kiss it.

We remain without talking for a few moments. His gaze is intense, and I actually have the feeling he can see through me. 

I lower my eyes, but he lifts my chin with one finger, making me look at him.

"I am very proud of what you have accomplished, Son."

"Today, or in general?" - I say, starting to tremble - this conversation takes a very important and emotional turn. 

"In general and of course, especially today. Today has been a very difficult day for you, and it is not yet over."

"Today has been a lifetime..."

He runs his cool, soft hand through my hair. 

"Our lives can change in one day, yes... for better or for worse, but I do not think that this day will end by crushing you, Spock. Sometimes, we experience too much pain and... what humans call  _heartache_ , and we cannot see what is right in front of us. The solution is sometimes simple; yet, we cannot see."

"Do you believe I have made a wrong choice, with... with Leonard?"

"I have known you love this Human, Spock, perhaps even before you were aware of your own feelings. Your connection is very strong. He is T’hy’la to you; the One.”

I feel like crying.

“To have a T’hy’la is to have so much…” – I speak, broken. “

“Very much so. I have never found mine.”

“Not even… Mother?”

“Your Mother, Spock, was very dear to me; I loved her deeply. But she was not my T’hy’la; she was somebody I loved enough to spend 40 years with.”

“Of course; forgive me. You have a certain age; it is normal to have loved before, and perhaps from now on as well.”

“Does the possibility upset you?”

“Of course not, Father. I wish you found a partner. After all, Time will not avoid you, even if, as you say, you have various other… arrangements.”

“I did find a partner.” – he says, after a short moment.

 


	18. 10 PM

 

I was expecting such a statement, of course. 

"May I know who?"

"You already know who, Spock."

He is right, I already know, but it did not feel right to just... say the name.

"It is Mr. Scott, is it not?"

"Affirmative."

I would like to ask for details but... I do not know if it is appropriate. After all, my Father is... Sarek of Vulcan, the Vulcan king as everyone - including myself - is calling him. 

"I am content to have met the young Human. He is everything a Vulcan could wish for.”

"I know... How... how did this happen?"

"I am also not sure" - my Father smiles. "I knew him, of course, from other Enterprise missions and especially from when our world perished. I have seen him a couple of other times during award ceremonies and scientific sessions, he is a mad genius... but to be honest I had not paid attention to him - as a person, I mean."

"He is... very..."

"Submissive, yes." - he says the world nonchalantly, on the same tone on which he would have mention that he had brown eyes. "A blessing for a Vulcan."

A blessing I will never know. Not even if, let us say, I ever _get_ to be with Leonard – my beloved is the least submissive being which exists. I will never know the bliss of having him in my arms, compliant and subdued, a _doll_ for me to love, until the Fires – ahhh, the Fires – the Fires!!

“Spock.”

“I apologize, Father. I am sorry. The Fever is playing tricks on my already very tired mind. Did you already spend time with Mr. Scott?”

“I have taken him home, yes. What he felt upon seeing me is something very strong and life-threatening, a condition which Humans call _falling in love at first sight_. I was very afraid, I thought he may die. No wonder they call this terrible condition by using the verb _to fall_. It does feel like _space jumping_.”

Space-jumping, ugh – my stomach clenches. Let me not think of that.

“So you took him home, just like that?”

“Actually, yes, just like that. After he quit his job on the Enterprise – a brave and stupid decision – he bumped into me again in Riverside. I just took his hand and told him to _come with me_.”

“And he… did??” – I ask in astonishment, trying to imagine the scene. Really, Humans are so extraordinary and unpredictable – a truly dangerous species.

“He could not even speak, he was trembling. I almost thought about calling a doctor, but then I realized, by taking his hand that I was the reason of his… um… distress. I took him home, therefore, got him to bathe, eat and drink something, and then…”

I am not sure if I want to know what followed.

“…the Enterprise called” – Father continues. “I had to meld with him, remove the alcohol intoxication – really, Humans are so sensitive to these beverages – and come assist you.”

“I am very sorry I interrupted you” – I say apologetically, even though I know very well it was not my fault. “But if nothing… uh… happened, how do you say you see a _partner_ in him?”

“I placed a very heavy claim in his mind. I will not let anyone touch him or take him from me. I plan on keeping him.”

Somehow, I disapprove of the way he is talking about Scotty.

“There is no reason for you to be upset, Spock” – Father says, undoubtedly feeling my disapproval – “you have rejected his offer. I will not let such a treasure pass by.”

“But do you – uhhh, Father – I am sorry – I – do you – do you – “

“ _…care_ for him?” – he finishes the sentence I cannot utter. “Yes. Very much, even” – he adds, on a tone which I perceive as vulnerable.

I would have never expected this from Father, the strongest being I know, always sure of himself, always relying on logic, calm in the most difficult situations.

I do not know what to say. I gaze at him, wondering how this happened – meeting someone – what is more, of a different race – and starting to care for them in only a few hours. Could it be that my dear, beloved Father has experienced that strange human feeling called _love at first sight_ as well?

What of myself – when and how exactly did I start loving Leonard?

I remember the first time I saw him very well. We were heading towards Vulcan, as it had been attacked by the criminal Nero. Leonard had managed to get Jim on board and things had quickly begun spinning out of control. Jim had managed to figure out what was happening and rushed to the Bridge, followed by Leonard who was trying to stop him from doing something stupid.

That was the first time I saw him.

Out of breath, trying to drag Jim out of the Bridge.

Looking at me for a brief second.

Our eyes locked together.

Love starting, abrupt and devastating.

Without realizing even, I start crying. It happens very rarely for a Vulcan; but I cannot – I simply cannot control my emotions anymore. Everything is so painful, I want him and I miss him so much… Leonard, Leonard!

“Son…” – Father tries to soothe me, running his hand through my hair.

“I cannot, Father… I will die I think… I love him so much, that – “

Violent spasms shake me as the Fever suddenly unleashes with full intensity, almost knocking me unconscious. I know he had hoped it would not begin for several hours still, but I could not control my longing and my pain anymore. So much I long for my mate – who will never be my mate – that my body and my mind have given in.

Father takes a fistful of my hair and I feel his mind probing mine.

“It has begun” – he says, and I already know it is so.

He stands up and picks his communicator from the table.

“Doctor McCoy, please report to Commander Spock’s quarters” – he says, after which he places the device back on the table.

“What are – you – dddddoing?” – I manage to ask, shivering.

“Setting things straight with your chosen one.”

“But – Father, he already said he did not – that he does not – “

“Be silent” – he says harshly, undoubtedly exasperated by me, by Leonard, by Khan, by everyone. And who could blame him?

Minutes after, Leonard arrives, carrying a medical bag. He looks exhausted… no wonder, since I know he had not slept for hours and he has been through so much already.

My Father opens the door and he enters, stopping in the doorway and looking at me. I am unable to stand from where I am, on the floor near the couch, trembling with cold sweat drops falling down my forehead.

“Ambassador.” – Leonard greets him coldly. “What is going on, here?”

“Come in and close the door. We have something to discuss.”

He wants to rush to me, but my Father steps between us, not letting him approach me.

“My Son’s Time has begun, Doctor. Before taking some more extreme measures, I want to set things straight with you, so that there is no confusion.”

Leonard gives him a cautious look.

“Listen… Ambassador…”

“You are generally talking a lot of nonsense, Doctor, therefore this time you will be the one _listening_ , and not the other way around. You will answer my questions in a clear and concise way.”

He blinks a few times, trying his best to control his anger currently invading his mind – I know him oh so well – he cannot stand being in such a tight spot.

He swallows hard and I can barely breathe anymore.

“My son harbours deep feelings of love and affection for you, which he is currently incapable of conveying to you in a clear and logical way. I am well aware you are returning these feelings.”

Leonard opens his mouth to say something but Father stops him by raising one hand.

“I have not asked any questions yet, therefore you will not speak.”

He makes a short pause, to ensure that Leonard clearly understands what is requested of him.

“You refused to share the Time with him and save his life. I am asking you now, for the last time, do you wish to reconsider?”

Leonard drops the medical bag from his hands to the floor.

“Listen… I told him earlier…” – he says softly. “I am not… I mean… he should go through the Time with Khan. He already wants to help him, and it is… as you Vulcans say… logical… they already share a bond… it would be ridiculous to keep wanting me, when we cannot be together – you were very clear that all his life he will have to be close to Khan. So why complicate things, why…?”

I see Father’s eyes darkening even more. He picks the communicator once more from the table and flips it open.

“Mr. Khan, come to me, please.”

Why is he calling everyone here? – I wonder. I am in such a terrible state, the last thing I need is for everyone to see me like this.

Minutes after, Khan enters. He is dressed in black, he has shaved and looks fresh. The bond lights up in my mind, upon his proximity. I share with this being half of my vital substance, we are like… two twins… we shall always need the proximity of one another to feel complete.

“Come in, Khan” – my Father says gently.

“Sir.” – he acknowledges his presence with a delicate bow of his head.

“Now that everyone involved in this terrible situation is present, I will resume the facts before it is too late and I lose my son.”

Leonard seems to panic. Khan remains calm, looking at Father, with a confident, cold demeanour.

“My son, Spock has given you a survival bond, Khan.” – Father begins.

“Yes.” – Khan acknowledges.

“He did so, in order to save your life, and not because he had an interest in you as a potential life partner. Is this correct, son?” – he asks me.

“Yes.” – I answer.

“All the while, you, Doctor McCoy, you were well aware that it was **you** my son wanted to choose as a life-partner, and you shared his feelings.”

He wants to yell at him and scream and curse and explain with one thousand words but he controls himself this time – seeing how we are all doing our best to respond to Father’s questions clearly and succinctly.

“Yes.” – he finally answers.

My heart is pounding and I feel as if it will jump out of my chest.

“Given these extraordinary circumstances, Doctor McCoy, and knowing that my son loves **you** and not Mr. Khan, you still insist that he chooses him, instead of you?”

“Yes.” – he responds, looking downwards.

I feel such pain upon hearing that word that I cover my face with my hands – I wish I could just hide somewhere.

“Why?” – my Father asks, clasping his hands behind his back. I see his fingers twitching and if I did not know him, I would say he is… angry.

“It is the logical choice.” – Leonard says, not without a trace of irony.

“Doctor” – my Father says warningly. “While my son has given up logic and chose to even defy **me** to choose **you** , why do you still continue to be so stubborn and lecture all of us about the merits of logic? What YOU are doing right now is illogical. So, again, **why?** Remember who I am and do not taunt me any further.”

Embarrassed, Leonard looks downwards, his cheeks red.

“I honestly believe Spock is better off without me. Khan is better for him from all points of view. They are of the same strength, the same intelligence, the same… everything… they are made for each other!”

“So while I did not impose my Son whom he should choose as a life-partner, even though it is well within my rights as a king and as his father, you dare make such judgments.”

Leonard’s hands start trembling. I wish they would just leave him alone.

“Are we done?” – Leonard wants to know and he picks his medical bad from the floor, placing it on his shoulder.

“No, we are not. Five more minutes of your time, Doctor” – Father says. “Computer, lock door and override.”

Leonard slightly panics and I am not very sure why has Father closed the door – what if he attempts to hurt Leonard? I would not react well to that – what is – going to –

Father turns towards Khan.

“Mr. Khan.”

“Yes, Sir.”

“You promised to do everything I would ask, in return for clearing the names of your crew-mates and a chance for a good and decent life for all each of them upon being removed from the criotubes and revived.”

“I will do anything you ask, Sir.”

“Kneel, then.” – Father orders him – and Khan obeys.

I rub my eyes, what exactly is going on? Will he ask him to take control of me and assist me through Ponn Farr? But he already promised he would not do such a thing and he would assist me himself. I cannot be with Khan, I simply cannot, I will not, will not!!! However terrible he Ponn Farr is, the two partners must give each other a valid consent – otherwise, there would be nothing but rape. It is as simple as that. Does Father want to do such a terrible thing to me?

Father gives me a single warning look – undoubtedly aware of what goes on in my troubled mind – after which he aligns his fingers on the meld points on Khan’s face.

“I, Sarek of Vulcan, in the presence of this Human with the name of Leonard McCoy – give you, Khan, a filial bond and take you in my life, in my heart, in my mind as a son, with the same rights and privileges as my biological child, Spock. Do you accept this bond?”

I hold my breath.

Leonard holds his breath.

This is the most extraordinary and unexpected thing – Father gives Khan a filial bond! Oh, but why, why?? Wait… I begin to understand why…

“I accept, Sir” – Khan speaks, looking into his eyes – and for the first time since I met him, I detect emotion in his voice – he is moved by what is currently happening. “I am honoured to call you Father…”

“And that – “ – Father says, pointing towards me – “that, Khan, is your Brother. This is what you will be to each other, this is what you were meant to be, and you will both enjoy my affection and care in an equal manner, with no discrimination.”

Khan smiles as he probably feels the bond grow – and I can sense it too, through our heavy survival bond. Our relationship is now defined, steady and healthy, and despite the turmoil I am in, I cannot help but smile as well.

“Stand up, child, and embrace your Father” – he tells Khan, who gladly does so, hugging him tightly.

Leonard can barely process what is going on.

“But… but… this is absolutely horrible…” – he whispers. “Now they will not be able to be together…”

“They never wanted to be together, Doctor.” – Father tells him on a harsh tone. “I hope you finally understand. Leave, Khan” – he asks him, punching the access code which opens the door.

Khan leaves, serenely. He knows things will now unfold the way they should.

Leonard looks at me, then at Father, then again at me, lost.

“I will not let my son die, Leonard” – Father tells him. “One of us, either you or I, will leave this room. The one remaining will assist him through the Time. If you are ready to leave now, the door is open” – Father says, pointing with one arm towards the door.

“Wh – what are you saying, are you crazy? You would – would?” – Leonard stutters, wanting to simply strangle him.

“Of course I would, and I will. I will not let my son die just because his chosen one does not share his feelings.”

“Oh, you, YOU!!!” – Leonard screams and takes a fistful of his white robe, pushing him against a wall. “I fucking HATE YOU! You are the most horrible person which exists, get the fuck out!!”

Father does not even blink.

Leonard effectively pushes him out of the room and closes the door, punching the medical override code on the mini-display – the one code that not even Father or Jim can open.

I close my eyes, my stomach clenches. My head is simply spinning. Am I hallucinating, or has all of this actually happened?

Leonard’s lips touch mine.


	19. 11 PM – 3 AM

 

I cannot believe my senses, my eyes. Leonard has come to me, wrapping his arms around me and kissing me reassuringly.

“Shhhh… there… there… I am here…”

“Wh- why are you here, what are you doing… Leonard…?” – I manage to murmur, cupping his face and pushing him a bit away, just enough to see his eyes, to be able to exchange a few words.

“I am here for you, I will stay with you…” – he murmurs back, softly nuzzling my neck. Shivers of anticipation make my eyes water, they make my mind stop processing – all I want is him – and he is here, here!!

“Ddddduring – the - ?”

“Yeah…”

I manage to sit up, leaning against the sofa and I take his hands, caressing them greedily with my own fingers – the instinctual gestures which are made by every Vulcan upon passing through the terrible Time of Ponn Farr with a partner. His skin is soft, cool, silky – the beautiful hands of someone who saved thousands of lives and who will now save mine.

“I need – Leonard – to ask you – “

“Don’t you want to stop talking, you crazy hobgoblin?” – he whispers, kissing my dry lips again.

“…the formal question…”

He rolls his eyes, but he proceeds to unbutton my shirt.

“Go ahead…”

I grab his wrists, holding them firmly, looking deeply into his eyes.

“Are you here willingly?”

“Yeah, crazy, I’ve even locked the door.”

“Not because my Father asked you to?”

“He did not ask me to. And stop mentioning that horrible person. I don’t even remotely want to see him again!”

“Not because you want to save my life?”

“Oh stop it now, Spock. Nobody makes Leonard McCoy do anything he does not want to.”

It is a wonder I can still think – his smell so intoxicating, his lips so close – I decide to stop talking, as he has asked me to, and I pull him closer, kissing him as if there is no tomorrow – because there often is no tomorrow… he responds with passion and my Fever no longer shakes me violently – as my consciousness is reaching the understanding that I am no longer alone, that my Beloved is here with me – is he here _forever_? Will he not hate me after – but no, I will not think of this now. Not now. Right now I am kissing Leonard’s lips, Leonard’s neck; I am lifting him in my strong arms and taking him to bed.

I have never done _this_ before; Vulcan moral conduct is so strict, that it forbids any closeness with another being, Vulcan or otherwise, in the absence of a bond, or if a bond is not possible, in very exceptional circumstances – such as the one I am currently living. Leonard is with me! With me! His hazel eyes are filled with passion, anticipation, with desire, he licks his lips as I straddle him between my legs and I roll his blue medical shirt up, throwing it on the floor; the black undershirt follows.

He shivers under my hands, obviously enjoying my touch. I thought he would be afraid, because the Ponn Farr is thought to be terrible and violent, but instead he is curious and willing, and I cannot simply believe I have such a chance… a small chance to happiness!

“Take these off already, Commander” – he giggles and attempts to undress me.

So strange to see him laugh – he is so beautiful, that my head is spinning!

I also remove my blue science shirt and the undershirt, laying over him – wanting to feel as much as possible of him; he rolls with me through the bed, kissing me everywhere he can reach.

I take a moment to get rid of the rest of our clothes and as I manage to touch more of him, my mind progressively clears.

“Done this before, Spock?” – he asks me.

“You know I have not.”

“I am honoured…“ –  he replies, looking straight into my eyes, and I can sense his honesty. “Let me share your Fever” – he speaks the ritual words; I wonder where does he know them from, but there is no time to investigate now. I am arching his head to one side.

“Hold still” – I warn him, after which, without any further delay, I am sinking my teeth onto his beautiful, marmoreal neck – the primal need to mark my partner, to let him know he’s MINE, to let everyone know he’s mine, mine, mine… to my extreme surprise and pleasure, he remains still and he relaxes greatly, and I am almost worried I have injured him badly, so I try to shake away the fog which still clouds my judgment and look at him.

“Leonard…?” – I whisper.

“Yes…” – he replies on the same tone, softly, almost submissively.

It makes my blood burn… I have longed to have a submissive partner during the Time but I had almost given up any hope to ever have one, first because I will never have _anyone but him_ , and second, because he is the least submissive person I know – and yet – and yet – now he is compliant in my hands, smiling at me and letting me do whatever I want…

I cannot give him a Bond, but we can meld – I align my fingers on his beautiful face and when our minds touch, my Fever passes on to him; his eyes widen as he realizes the pain and torment I have been through, but together we shall go through the Ponn Farr… as I am young and this is my first time, I do not need to engage in intercourse for days and days in a row, like older Vulcans; nor do I feel the need to take my partner extremely roughly and nearly kill him; those are just legends enhanced by the most vivid imagination of those who believe it is _exciting_ , perhaps _exotic_ ; they laugh when we explain to them it is a biological necessity, because most species – and humans in particular – see in sex something that greatly inflates their fantasies…

I will perhaps lose control but I have no desire of harming my partner. He feels it. He knows it. At least I hope he does – because he is everything to me!

He responds to my kisses, but not incisively – more like following my cues, matching my rhythm, giving me time to adjust, allowing instincts to take over.  His fingers thread my hair, sweetly; I managed to get a glimpse of what he likes, during the meld; he is usually the active partner in bed, and no wonder – he is so fit, so potent, his muscles so firm, yet delicately defined – not a soldier, but a doctor who does take good care of himself.

But despite of enjoying a more active role, right now he does nothing, instinctively knowing that I need him to be… to be… I cannot say – _submissive_ is not the word… perhaps not at all provocative, constantly offering my mind a reassurance that he is here, for me, he will not go anywhere.

As my head is almost pulsating with fever and passion, I begin kissing him everywhere; his body, finally mine, for me to love, to worship… I can feel cold sweat drops gathering on his forehead as he starts murmuring incoherent words – _please – pleaseplease take me –_

“Turn around, Leonard” – I tell him, because for the _first_ time I will have him as tradition and instincts urge me to.

As he rolls through the bed, he lays on his belly and I straddle his hips between my legs – such a view alone will be my undoing, and that is probably the last rational thought that traverses my mind. I caress his back with very long, slow moves, a prelude for our joining. He is beautiful. He is perfect… he is mine – I spread his buttocks gently, trying to control my urge to just push inside him – NO, I will not hurt him, he is everything to me – I feel him relax even more; after taking a few moments of preparation, I finally sink into his willing body, closing my eyes as millions of sensations – familiar and ever so new and fresh – overwhelm me. He is mine – mine yes – and now our bodies are joined – the only remaining thing to do is to make him understand that he is the only being I will ever want – and that I love him so much that my heart is hurting; I finally understand why Humans mistakenly consider it the originating point of emotions – because when you love someone _this_ much, everything hurts.

I feel him squirming under me and I slowly begin thrusting – it feels so amazing I never want to stop.

“Please, faster” – he pleads, but I won’t listen to his demands right now. Later on, I will do whatever he wants, whatever he needs – I will let him do whatever he wants to me – but right now, he is mine to do with as I please. He feels my mood changing, as well as the energy between us. He takes a good hold of my pillow and he completely abandons to me, not caring for his own pleasure in the least. I have never received a more precious gift.

 

I do not know how much time has passed.

I do not even know what I have been doing – Leonard is here, in my arms; we lay on one side, I am still deep inside him, thrusting very slowly now, barely moving, while my hands caress his chest, his neck, his still hard cock. He stops my hand and makes it circle his erection, showing me how to give him pleasure – it is so mind-blowing, to feel him enjoy our coupling, to feel him experience pleasure, - to feel him want me, after all, because this is what matters, this is what it is all about. My partner is here willingly and he wants me. He wants to share our pleasure; he wants to share my Fever.

“So much I’ve dreamt of this” – I hear him say, and I instinctively feel I need to increase the pace; I feel a growing urge building inside me, threatening to take me apart.

“Leo-nard” – I say, perhaps wanting to warn him – I do not know what this is.

“Yes, love… let it go… I am also close…”

 

The climax – I have never experienced such a thing before. Humans were serious when they said that physical intimacy is one of the most pleasurable activities and there are only a few other things able to match the intensity of such a huge pleasure.

I, for one, cannot think of anything which can match it – I feel him come all over my hand at the same time I do inside him, and for a moment, my reason darkens. I just hold him tighter against me – as if I am afraid that someone could take him from me.

He smells so good.

My head feels dizzy.

His skin is hot, perfumed, smelling… smelling like me.

He turns around, to face me, he caresses my face and he smiles, and his smile is the absolutely most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my whole life.

“Feeling better?” – he asks me, barely managing to speak – I have bitten his lips hard and he is covered in scratches, bite-marks and other small injuries which I have surely provoked them myself.

“I have hurt you – forgive me” – I say, shocked, and I want to sit up and go get something to at least attempt and clean him up a bit, to assess the state of the injuries.

He giggles.

“You are not going anywhere, mister” – he murmurs playfully, after which he wraps one leg around me. “The Fever has not abated yet.”

“I know… but… how do _you_ know?”

“You induced the fever to me, you crazy hobgoblin, and I can still feel it, not to mention I am a doctor, goddamit.”

“Such tender things you say, Leonard.” – I respond, quite amazed at myself for being able to use humour – I have never been able to do this before, I must have been borrowing something of Leonard’s essence and thought-patterns…

He laughs wholeheartedly and he wraps himself around me tightly.

“Are you sure you’ve never done this before?” – he asks me sweetly.

“Yes, Leonard, I am sure. I would have remembered. You know I have an eidetic memory. I remember every fact I am exposed to – “

“Yeah, yeah, right. No, I meant, you aren’t that _bad._ ”

“At what?” – I inquire with a smirk, and he blushes adorably.

“Bastard.” – and with that, he wraps two cool fingers around my member, starting to tease me softly, and I close my eyes.

“Llllllllleonard” – his name itself is so soothing for my burning mind.

“Mmm” – I hear, and all of a sudden I am overwhelmed by a completely different sensation; as I open my eyes, I can see that he has taken me into his mouth; the pleasure is so intense, and once more the fires overwhelm me, that I simply feel I cannot control myself anymore. A low moan escapes my mouth and Leonard makes a lovely noise himself which sounds as an approval. He is pleased at himself; I can feel it; he is teaching me, and I am letting him; after all, he is the one with _experience_.

“Such… uh… skills…” – I manage to say – “I never knew this was possible…”

“Mhm” – he says, as his lips move up and down upon my length.

I grab his hair, making him stop – I want to have him again, now, right now.

He senses my urgency and trails a line of kisses from my navel to my neck, after which he crushes my lips with a devouring kiss.

I roll over him and he wraps his legs around my waist – I take him with one single thrust, and he once more abandons to me.

We make love for hours, unaware of the passage of time, not talking anymore, almost not even kissing, as our playful mood dissolves into what seems to be a life-and-death moment of bliss. I need Leonard. I need him – I need him! I have him – and I cannot have enough of him. I could make love to him for ever. He relaxes completely, he is like a doll in my hands; as once more we reach the peak of the pleasure together, I feel the Fever finally abating. This would have been the moment when the bond… the Bond would have formed. I would have said the ritual words – _Parted from me and never parted_ – and I would meld with him deeply.

My fingers align on his face once again nonetheless. But no matter how I try, there is no essence left in my mind to be able to form the most fragile of bonds. I have used it for something – for someone else – there is nothing but regret remaining in me, apart from my undying love for Leonard McCoy.

“I am sorry. I am sorry. Forgive me.” – I tell him, holding him tight, afraid – truly afraid – he will leave.

“What for? I enjoyed it.”

I feel as if he slapped me. He _enjoyed_ it. But then again, Humans talk so much nonsense.

“I am sorry for not being able to give you the Bond which you rightfully deserve.”

“Don’t worry about it.” – he responds after a few moments, avoiding to look into my eyes though. “I am here because I wanted to be here, and not because of the bond. I knew you could not give me the stupid bond.”

He is purposely hurting me by using such words and he knows it perfectly well.

“What – uh – will happen now?” – I ask as everything inside me is shaking.

“Now, uh, I think you should rest, you’ve been through a lot today.”

“What time is – Computer, Time?”

“The Time is 02:52 Hours A.M.” – the synthetic Computer voice responds to my inquiry.

Leonard sits up, he procures his medical tricorder from near the bed and starts scanning me.

“What are you doing, Leonard?”

“Well, if your famous internal chronometer is malfunctioning, then it means you are not feeling well.”

“I am not feeling well, Leonard. I am overwhelmed by doubts” – I confess him.

“About… _us_?”

“Yes.”

“There is no need to be overwhelmed by doubts, Spock, you do not… _owe_ me anything.”

Once more, I feel as if he had just slapped me.

“Leonard, this is not about _owing_ you something – it is about our future together.”

“What future?” – he asks, frowning and once more becoming his grumpy-self shying away from me – I have had him so close, so close! – and once more I feel I am losing him.

“Leonard, please, do not go, do not leave me. You are the only one I want. I will do anything to prove this to you.”

“Spock, just… drop it… you don’t actually want me, it is not logical” – Leonard says, starting to dress.

“INTRUDER ALERT” – the computer suddenly warns us, and the lights in my quarters do indeed start flickering red. “INTRUDER ALERT! ALL SENIOR OFFICERS REPORT TO THE BRIDGE!”

I stumble out of bed – my entire body still aches but my mind has cleared and I can function. Leonard and myself are looking at each other

“Go, Leonard” – I tell him, as he has finished dressing before me. “I will be there in 1.31 minutes.”

“Looks like your internal chronometer is functioning again” – he says, after which he unlocks the door using his special medical override code.

There may be an intruder alert but I do go to the bathroom and wash my face, taking 6 seconds to lean against the sink and just catch my breath and regain control of my emotions.

I know I no longer have Leonard… but at least now – my life is no longer in danger and I can use the next seven years, if necessary, trying to convince him just how much he means to me.

It is 02:59 in the morning as I leave the room, rushing to the Bridge.


	20. 3 AM - 3:23 AM

There is an effervescent activity on the ship. I rush towards the Bridge, with the communicator in my hand, when suddenly a squad of Romulans appears right in front of me – and to my complete horror, they are holding Leonard captive! I am unarmed and incapable of helping him – such a negligence, what have I been thinking, why didn’t I take a phaser gun from my apartment? And even if I had, would I have managed to take down five Romulans and prevent Leonard from being harmed? Why hadn’t I gone first??? It should have been me in his place, me, it should have been me!!!

I take a deep breath as anger overwhelms me and I stop, my eyes fixed on the one who has my mate in a tight grip. Oh, how I would like to just –

“SPOCK!!” – Leonard screams and he is rewarded with a strike over his face, after which someone gets a hold of him, almost suffocating him with one arm tightly wrapped around his neck.

Everything inside me grows cold and I feel as if I am transforming into a machine, ready to do anything to free the man I love.

“Let go of my mate…” – I say between my teeth and had Leonard not been in mortal danger, I would have simply launched myself upon them and tore them apart. “Let him go this very instant” – I repeat, with controlled anger – I am well aware that the smallest mistake or the smallest offensive gesture from my part would mean his death – and I could not live with the thought – I could not live without him, period.

“On the contrary, I will blow his brains out” – one of the Romulans threatens. “What is the access code which unlocks the force-fields in the Brig?”

The Romulans have never been good at negotiating. My brain starts computing variants and solutions – they have asked a rather precise question, and since they do want something I have, knowledge from my mind, there are good chances that I manage to free my beloved from their hands. This is why Vulcans are excellent negotiators and they are usually sent to deal with hostage crises.

“Spock, don’t!” – Leonard attempts to speak, although he can hardly make any sounds.

“Let him go.” – I try again on the most composed and calm tone I am capable of, even though there is a storm raging through my mind. – “I am much more valuable to you. I am the First Officer of this ship. He is just a doctor and he has no military knowledge. I know codes, passwords, overrides, and many other useful things. Not to mention, I am Sarek’s son.”

I take one step closer, but I make sure to lift my arms, so that I do not look offensive, aware of the fact that several guns are pointed at me.

“The access code to the Brig forcefield!!” – the Romulan yells at me, while taking a fistful of Leonard’s hair and forcing him to kneel.

I refrain from closing my eyes because I cannot bear the image of someone harming Leonard. Whatever happens, I must get him off their hands. No matter the costs. Even my own life, connected to Khan’s, seems utterly valueless right now. I avoid looking at Leonard directly though, because I know I would see fear and terror in his eyes and his distress would make me vulnerable as well, and we cannot afford this right now.

Each second seems to last forever!!! How true it is, time seems to be flying so quickly when you have your beloved in your eyes, but so slowly when you experience such danger. If we manage to get through this, I vow never to lecture anyone about the fact that Time passes with the exact speed of sixty seconds per minute and it never accelerates or slows down. Right now, I am painfully aware of each dragging second.

“Please, do not hurt him. I will give you the access code to the Brig and I will block the access of the security teams, if you let him go; I will take his place. I am a much better and more useful hostage to you than him. You have nothing against this person, you took him because it happened to pass randomly on the corridor when you beamed aboard. But it is me you want.”

The Romulan holding Leonard by his neck does not seem to be sparking with intelligence. He seems to start being convinced that it was me they wanted all along, and Leonard was indeed just a random person with no value, happening to stumble upon them. Yes, they could certainly use Spock of Vulcan, that son-of-a-bitch.

I cannot wait for him to touch me, so that I can have an insight of their plan or whatever it is they are doing here.

“Spock…” – Leonard again murmurs in protest, but his captor strikes him hard once more and I simply cannot bear this anymore. I must get Leonard out of there. He is Human and a Doctor and no one should hit a Doctor, not to mention no one should hit a Vulcan’s mate and survive… No, no such thoughts right now, there will be plenty of time to think about revenge as soon as he is out of danger.

By now, I am sure that Jim and the entire Bridge-crew, probably Father as well – they all have a pretty good idea of what is just taking place. They have not intervened with security teams because Leonard’s life is still in grave danger; any small mistake done now can cost us Leonard’s life. I am grateful they are letting me negotiate, because even an attempt at saving us, such as spreading gas through the venting systems to render all of us unconscious, can result in a gun-fire being shot and killing Leonard.

“The force-field can be removed from the Detention Area only. Let him go. Would you not rather have Spock of Vulcan as a prisoner? The KING’s Son?” – I stress the words and they cannot resist.

“You lie!!!” – the team-leader screams at me. “Log into the console over there and remove the force-field!!!”

“Vulcans cannot lie, sir.” – I respond calmly, stressing the word sir, which seems to please him – really, pride is a feeling which has no limits, regardless of the race, sex or age – “It is a biological impossibility. If I say, _sir_ , that the forcefield can be removed only from the detention area main console, it is _exactly_ that. I will go with you there, I will advise the security teams to leave at once and not to interfere, after which I will release the forcefield as per your request.”

The long and rather elaborate sentences I am using to speak to him seem to confuse him; he believes me – he has no reason not to, honestly speaking. I cannot lie. Which is good. Lying is tiring and useless.

One of the Romulans points a gun at Leonard and my heart-rate is largely accelerating! No, I cannot allow this to happen!

“If you harm him, I will not help you and you will not make it alive out of this ship. You know this very well.”

He does pull the trigger and stuns Leonard – my beloved collapses – and I make supreme efforts in order not to scream! I know the _stun_ setting is not life-threatening and they had done this to prevent him from calling for help, even though I am absolutely sure that the security teams and the Bridge are monitoring the hostage situation. I remain calm, still, as if nothing happened – I cannot allow myself the luxury of betraying any sign of emotion right now, because I know the Romulan race, cruel and blatantly stupid, they would just kill him in order to mock at me and cause me useless pain. But they do know a Vulcan never lies. If I said I will not help them, then I will not, and they refrain from further harming him.

They signal me to start walking towards the Brig, leaving Leonard there on the hallway. It is heart-wrenching to see him unconscious, to leave him like that, but I know that as soon as we are far enough, someone will come help him. I start walking as fast as I can – my main objective is to put as much distance as possible between Leonard and ourselves. Whatever happens – I will not have Leonard endure any more danger. He has had enough for one day.

I would do anything for him. I would free Marcus – and I probably will. I would betray Starfleet, sell it to Romulans probably. Anything. Anything at all. My Father would say I have no honour. But as humans so poetically put it sometimes – I would sell my very soul for Leonard McCoy.

Will this day never end? I cannot almost believe that twenty minutes ago I still had him in my arms, my beloved, my beloved… and now, we are facing a full hostage crisis and once more we are in mortal danger. I have not slept since twenty-two hours ago and I almost congratulate myself for being Vulcan and for not needing as much sleep as Humans do. I greatly fear for Leonard’s health and state of mind – but no longer for his life.

Leonard must not die.

I shake away such thoughts as we are closer and closer to the Detention Area. I must act soon, so I must decide what to do – will I try to fight my captors and most certainly lose my life, or will I release Marcus, go with them as a prisoner and perhaps take advantage of the situation later?

///Spock, my Brother./// - suddenly my consciousness lightens up – who is talking to me and how?

///…Khan?///

///Yes. Release Marcus. Do not get yourself killed. Do not oppose them. You are in no condition to fight. I am with you.///

///My mate…///

///I got Leonard out of there as soon as you and the Romulans were out of sight.///

///Is there a plan? What does the Captain think? Did he convey any orders?///

///As you may have noticed earlier today, my dear Brother, I have a portable transwarp beaming device. Wherever they are taking you, I will follow. Your Captain has decided to let _me_ handle the situation, at the request of our Father.///

///We will both die.///

///Not this again…/// - he replies and I almost feel his amusement.

True, we _almost_ died several times today.

///Father…?///

///…is severely mad at you for the idiot thing you just did. Really, Spock. Offering yourself as a prisoner.///

///I could not allow them hurt Leonard any further.///

We have arrived at the Detention Area. I must lower the forcefield now. I have promised to do so and I have no choice. I have traded Leonard’s safety, his life, for my honour. I am well aware that if I do this, allowing a dangerous prisoner escape, I am facing a Court Martial accusation. A Starfleet officer – and what is more, the second in command – to commit such an act of treason!

“LOWER THE FORCEFIELD!” – the Romulan who holds me at gun-point barks at me.

I look at the defying figure of Admiral Marcus in his detention cell. He studies me as if I were a puppet. He would gladly crush me, an insect under his foot. Luckily for me, I know he still needs me in order to escape. I cannot help but think how he has managed to trick us all, managing to become the head of Starfleet, dictating our destinies from high above, struggling to start a war and end what his Brother had started – the destruction of our quadrant and all its bright worlds, except one of course – Romulus. In all this time of development and unification, Romulans have been consistent to themselves: greedy, traitorous and defying. Ready at all times to start a war which would justify their absurd ideals – spreading chaos and destructions as means to make their own race strive and flourish. History has repeatedly shown that this is not the answer. To anything.

The Romulan grows impatient and he hits me in my stomach with his gun. I close my eyes for a moment, trying not to collapse in pain, but my mouth soon tastes like blood – small internal bleeding?

I lift my hand in surrender and I begin punching the 13-digit code which releases the forcefield to the Admiral’s holding cell. With a low _buzz_ , the forcefield is disengaged and the defying Admiral steps out. He comes to me and he strikes me hard over my face. A useless, pointless gesture of aggression and dominance… I fall on one knee, choking with blood. It looks I am about to be beaten to a pulp. It is fortunate I am a Vulcan; I manage to quickly numb my own pain receptors, so that my brain can keep on working.

///I will do very, very bad things to him./// - Khan speaks in my mind, and I can perceive his anger.

I want to reply to him, but I feel dizzy; too much has gathered and my brain is now simply fighting to stay alive. My mate is out of danger; it is all that matters.

I feel one of the Romulans hitting me again, after which someone grabs my arm and I hear the familiar sound of a transporter sequence commencing. I should be paying attention to where I am being taken. Yes, yes. I should.

We re-materialize on a small ship, Romulan after the green interior design – no wonder a cloaked ship and undetectable for the Enterprise. They will use me to negotiate safe-passage, most likely, and other favours and benefits. They throw me negligently on the floor and everything inside me hurts.

I feel Khan’s anger intensifying. I wish I could shield from him, because he is tiring; but then again, I know I will never be able to do that.

///I know you are feeling sick, Spock, but to your right side there should be a console, displaying their shield modulation frequency. I need you to tell me that number.///

///What will you do after that?///

///Don’t trouble yourself with that./// - he says evasively. ///You need to stay alive, because if you die, you know I’ll die too, not to mention your stupid act of bravery has finally knocked some sense into your mate, who has now panicked and is crying.///

///Leonard – is – crying…?///

My brain abruptly reactivates. If he is crying, then he has recovered, he is probably in the Medical Bay, I am sure Jim is with him, probably Father too, and Khan, there are people caring for my mate, seeing to his needs, he is not alone, everything is fine, fine, fine, I take deep breaths… gratitude… he is well… nothing else matters… I love him so much…

Wait – why is Leonard crying? Why did Khan say that he has panicked and he is crying? Perhaps he is crying from exhaustion. Or he is in pain. What if he is in pain??? They did hit him rather hard. Romulans are a strong race. When they hit you – but wait, Leonard has been through worse and I have never seen him crying because of physical pain.

Perhaps Leonards finally realises the depth of my regard for him! This is enough to – as humans say – give me wings! I pretend to adjust my position on the floor and I am rewarded with yet another kick in the ribs. I fall with my face up. I bite my lips in an attempt to control a purely natural instinct to curl – because I have a very good angle on the console to my right.

///Brother./// - my consciousness finally accepts the fact that the dangerous Khan, the one we were sent to hunt down in the morning, is now my Brother, and also the person about to save my life. /// The shield modulation is 3224.///

///Smile, Brother. The doom is coming./// - his satisfaction reflects through our Bond. He is not at all what I expected… and I believe that by now, everyone on the Enterprise shares my opinion on him. Truly so, Khan is not at all what we expected – and neither is Admiral Marcus, or that matter. Fascinating how the truth always surfaces…

The doom is coming, he said?

He has such a taste for theatrics, but the truth is, he does make me smile. I can sense his determination and I know he is probably the strongest being I have ever met. If there is one person capable to board a Romulan ship and render it inert, then I am sure that the name of that person is Khan.

<<<Intruder alert!!! Intruder alert!!! Intruder alert!>>> \- I can hear an automated voice warning them from their security console.

“What intruder???!! Aren’t we cloaked!!?? Aren’t the shields up??” – Marcus snaps at the two Romulans on the Bridge. His face is almost violet with anger and he looks as if he wants to tear everyone to pieces. What a crappy crew they sent to save him – he thinks. Truly so, they are not too intelligent – mercenaries I presume, or plain soldiers who just execute orders. Strong, well built, but with the brains of a monkey.

“Someone has disabled our shields and boarded the ship through the port 101A!” – the younger Romulan reported.

“What do you mean, _someone_? WHO?”

“Just me.” – Khan said, upon blowing the automated bridge doors up with a single disruptor blast. He has a gun in each hand and a calm, steady figure. He truly looks like the embodiment of doom, I must give him that.

Marcus turns towards him, then he points a gun at me.

“Stay right where you are, or I will blow his fucking brains out.” – he yells in complete panic – he obviously dreads the sight of Khan.

“Do that, and you will still have to deal with me, and with the fact that I WILL break all the two hundred and six bones in your body, starting with your leg-bones; those are very painful” – he says on a deadly tone, meanwhile mercilessly aiming – without even looking – at the two Romulan guards who do not have any time to react, making them drop dead on the floor.

His little speech confuses Marcus, who just stares at him, without daring to fire at me – he has a disruptor in his hand and one single shot would mean my death.

Khan steps between us, his gaze locked with my captor. He has a hypnotic effect upon the Admiral – Marcus has simply frozen on the spot, unable to move, unable to talk, paralyzed with fear.

My brother advances towards him, slowly – he is the apocalypse, death itself, slowly approaching his victim.

“You took my crew away from me and you used them to control me.” – Khan tells him. “You – Should – Have – Left – Me – Sleep!” – he adds, and with another surgically-precise move, he breaks his right hand, making him scream and collapse at his feet.

He then steps on his shoulder, eliciting more screams.

I close my eyes; I cannot watch this.

I do not know what he does next – I perceive the sounds of more bones breaking and more yelling, and then the sound of someone choking.

He will kill him – he must not.

“Stop, Khan, stop.” – I say to him, but he is currently blinded by fury and does not even register my order.

“Brother, stop. If you kill him, you WILL go to prison and we cannot be apart.”

Thankfully, he stops, and I dare open my eyes – his hands are clenched on the Admiral’s head and it looks as if he was just preparing to crush his skull with his bare hands – and I believe he is capable of just that.

He throws Marcus negligently on the floor and he goes to a nearby console, pressing a few controls and disabling the cloak so that the Enterprise could locate us and beam us back. He then rushes by my side, kneeling near me.

“Do not move me…” – I manage to say. - “I have a ruptured spleen, broken ribs and internal bleeding.”

“And you want me not to kill him.” – he says, truly angry.

“We need him to testify.”

“Always so logical.” – he says with a smile – after which he does fire a phaser blast at Marcus, rendering him inert.

“I hope it was set on stun.” -  I say, remembering how they had stunned my beloved Leonard earlier on the corridor – oh, Leonard, Leonard!

“Theirs were not, but yes, it was set on stun. You Vulcans are really too pacifist.”

“No killing, Khan – you must promise me this. No more killing.”

He does not promise me. Instead, he takes a communicator from his pocket and flips it open, and I cannot help but think he would do such a fine Starfleet Officer.

“Enterprise, this is Khan. The area is secure. Spock is severely wounded. Have a full crash team standing by in the transporter room and Doctor McCoy too, if he is well enough. The enemy is unconscious but alive. Have a security team stand by as well. Transport us whenever you are ready.”

I know there will be a few minutes before everything is ready and our crew-mates bring us safely back.

“You came for me alone” – I tell Khan. “Thank you.”

“You are my Brother. I plan on taking our relationship very seriously.”

“I hope Leonard will not misinterpret this again… so perhaps you could refrain from using the term _relationship_ in his presence… he – “

“I know, I know.”

“Why was he crying?” – I dare to ask him.

“Humans are crying out of anything, really.” – Khan says with a small smile. “But right now, I believe he was crying because of fear, because he thought you would be killed by those idiots, and because he could not stand the thought of losing you.”

“Did he say that?”

“Yes.”

So Leonard does not want to lose me. This is the best piece of news I have had all day! He wants me, he _does_ want me, I just have to convince him that there is no other being I would choose to spend my life with – and that he alone is the love of my life. But how do we convince someone else of our true feelings, when they just shy away and hide? How do I convince Leonard that I love him more than anything in the world, when he erects walls between us? How? How?

I feel like crying and it is stupid.

Vulcans do not cry.

Khan just takes my hand for a moment and a warm feeling of safety unveils my mind as my vision becomes blurry and I sort-of no longer know where I am or what time it is.


	21. 03:24 AM - 04:00

"Open your eyes, Spock, come on... your brain-waves are erratic, I need to run a few scans. " - I can hear Leonard's beloved voice.

I struggle to open my eyes even though I am tired, or better-said, exhausted, and I feel dizzy - everything is spinning around me and for a moment I fear that the Enterprise is in danger, which would mean Leonard is also in danger - a good motivator to struggle and open my eyes. It is fascinating how much effort is sometimes required for such a small act.

"Theeeere you go" - he says softly; after which, I can hear the familiar beeping of the medical tricorder. 

"Broken ribs" - I tell him, while trying to understand where I am. One minute ago, I was still on Admiral Marcus' ship. 

"Thank you, Doctor Spock," - he tells me with his usual irony - "but I would rather you left me perform my own diagnosis and analysis - what the hell did they do to you, anyways? It looks as if they had beaten the hell out of you!"

"They did."

"Sons of bitches" - he curses and I know he is upset - not only because it is me they had beaten, but also because he cannot stand for any person to be treated as such. - "Come on, to MedBay" - he orders to the medical teams standing by, after which I feel I am being lifted and carefully deposed on a stretcher, then taken to Medical Bay. 

"Le-o-nard" - I murmur to him, touching his fingers softly - and to my great joy, he comes near me immediately.

"What is it?"

"Are you well? Did - did they - injure you - when - when - they caught you on the corridor?" 

"I'm fine, hobgoblin, I'm fine" - he says affectionately - "They only tried to suffocate me, then to stun me - they have the brain of a chicken, the Romulans, really. You did a very stupid and brave thing down there."

"I could not let them harm my mate." - I say decidedly, trying to ascertain how he feels about the situation - I really need to know where we are standing, it is much more important than my punctured lung, the broken ribs and the other wounds and injuries I may have.

He does not comment; instead, he removes my undershirt and carefully passes one hand over my abdomen, an old-fashioned but very effective test by which he manages to quickly assess the state of my broken ribs. I feel shivers - I cannot help myself - I will forever react this way to his touch. I love him - lovehimlovehimlovehim.

"Ok, I'd better start regenerating this" - he says, avoiding my gaze.

I close my eyes. He is still not ready to... talk, to talk things through, more importantly, to tell me if I have any chance in keeping him forever - because if I do not, I  **will**  die - I cannot understand why he is so reluctant, when I can feel how much he loves me and I have repeatedly assured him of my own feelings. I simply cannot understand. It seems that when it comes to love, Humans cannot process things, they become lost in their own thoughts, desires and impressions and cannot act according to... as the saying goes... what their  _heart_  tells them.

Minutes pass and my breathing progressively improves as my ribs no longer apply pressure on the lungs. The sensation is wonderful - simply being able to breathe correctly again. 

"I need you to sit up" - he tells me. - "I will have to wrap your entire abdominal area in a corset, at least for one hour, so that the regeneration process is complete.  Come on."

He slides his arm under my head, to help me sit up. So close to me, so close; the smell of his skin - so wonderful, so intoxicating. Once more I feel like crying, and once more I brace myself to endure even more rejection from him. 

I sit up, and I just let him do whatever he wants.

"Lift your arms" - he tells me, and I am unable to do it. I just have no more will left, I can hear his voice, but somehow the words escape understanding. 

"Spock? Spock??"

His voice, fading away in the distance.

"Spock, are you going into a trance, or what? It is a bad moment, Spock, come on, don't fucking do that! NURSE! Get Sarek of Vulcan over here this instant!!"

Strange how everything has just slowed down. I can see them, hear them, but it is as if a transparent veil is separating  _me_  from  _them_. 

I sense Father approaching; he looks worried; he discusses something with Leonard. I hear their voices deformed, as if with a Doppler effect, fading away.

My Father's hand on my face - his fingers on the meld points - and I cannot stand his touch. I cannot stand anyone's touch - except Leonard, my beloved Leonard's touch. My consciousness is attached to his image, to the memory of us together one hour and a half ago - his body, the sound if his voice. His eyes. I know my Father tries to reach out to my consciousness, to attach myself to him, not to let me slide away from life. But I have had too much, I have endured too much pain. and I cannot, I cannot anymore. not anymore. Not anymore. There is ever so much we can take - and I am not strong and composed, as the others see me - I am weak, because I love him and I cannot withstand his rejection, I cannot endure being away from him - oh my love, my love, my beloved!

As if in a dream, I can hear Leonard screaming at Sarek. He is furious beyond words; he yells and yells like a hurricane unleashed, gesticulating and pushing Sarek away from me. Leonard is sure I am going to die.  _He is dying_  - I can hear him say -  _and you can't fucking do anything -_ everything is in slow motion...

But as blurry as everything is, I can see Father taking a fistful of Leonard's blue shirt and pulling him closer to him, over my bed - after which, to my complete horror and astonishment - he strikes him hard over his face.

He is hurting Leonard!!!!!! 

Why - oh whywhywhy - why aren't they leaving him alone??

My consciousness sharpens and I struggle to become more aware of my surroundings. 

Nobody can hurt Leonard!!! Nonono - not even my own Father - I will - I will - 

I WILL SHATTER THEM TO PIECES 

I fight against my own weakness.

Once more, he strikes him hard over his face. 

Blood - human blood - is dripping over my face.

I push away the drowsiness from my mind, no, you will not hurt my mate, you will not.

“KALIFEE!!” - I hear the Voice of Sarek of Vulcan. - “I am taking your mate away from you. And I will kill him.”

How - how????!!!!!!

To my pure horror and shock, Father drags Leonard away from the Medical bay, after having conveyed instructions to those around, who remain frozen on the spot, not daring to follow them, to stop them, or to help me.

I finally sit up, after which I fall off the bed in an attempt to stand. I lean with my hand against the biobed and I get on my two feet, grabbing a hypospray which Leonard had prepared for me earlier. I need to function, I need, I need! I need to STAND UP. Yes. I inject the hypospray onto my neck, hoping I managed to stick the delicate needle into an artery. 

I grab a shirt from the next bed and pull it over my head - it smells like Leonard and it only manages to inflame my thoughts and rage even more. 

I do not care who is the person who took my mate. My Father, my Mother, My Brother, even my best friend, Jim Kirk, no matter who is the person, they have challenged me for my mate by declaring Kalifee to me and by saying they will kill him - I will stop at nothing from getting him back safely from their hands.

There is nothing but pure fury in my mind. My body, my consciousness are being flooded with adrenaline. I leave the Medial Bay, aware of the many pairs of eyes watching me in terror and astonishment. Why hasn't anyone stopped him?? How does one abduct a Starfleet Officer from a crowded Starship and takes him away? Did nobody do anything to stop him? Do I really have no allies at all? Alone? 

I am walking towards the transporter room. I stop for a moment and I input an access code on a console on the corridor. A panel opens and I take a disruptor gun and a phaser with me. I continue to walk towards the transporter room.

Strange how no one stops me. Maybe they have all agreed to help when Leonard was taken away from me. They will all pay. I will make sure of that. 

There is an officer in the transporter room. Is this the man who left the abductor and my mate walk away free? He turns towards me and he seems terrified - I must be the cause of his fright, and he has all the good reasons to be afraid. 

I go to him and push him against a wall, one hand to his throat.

"Sarek of Vulcan and Doctor McCoy. Did they use this transporter?" - I ask him. 

"Please, Commander - I..."

I am well aware I am suffocating him. There is nothing that can withstand Vulcan rage, when one's mate is in danger, and at this point I no longer care about consequences. I will shatter to pieces anyone that stands between me and my mate. 

"Start talking!"

"Yes!" - he manages to utter.

"Coordinates!" - I require furiously.

"In - the - transporter - log..." - he speaks, and I see his lips are turning blue. When I release him, there are white marks on his neck, from where my fingers have squeezed him. I realize he might alert security or he may even prevent me from transporting down on the planet's surface - who knows, he may attempt to reverse the transporter sequence. Better to be sure. I nerve-pinch him, with a swift, clean gesture and he collapses at my feet. 

I rush to the transporter console. With trembling hands – I am so agitated, but there is no way I can gain more control over myself right now – I use my clearance codes as a First Officer – strange, they still work – Captain Kirk must know by know what had happened – if I were him, I would have blocked the access codes – and I look through the logs – ah! There they are!

Of course, where else? He has taken Leonard to his house, the Embassy of Vulcan on Earth, which is well-guarded, to mistreat him, to use him, to – what did he say? – to kill him!

No, as long as there is still life left in me, he will not hurt my beloved Leonard.

I set up a transporter sequence for the same coordinates, with a five-second delay, I charge my weapons and I step on the platform. The transporter sequence is commencing and for a few seconds my body, as well as my consciousness, dissipate. A sensation I find most calming.

The calm does not last for long. As soon as matter and spirit regain cohesion, I find myself in front of Father’s house.

 _Father’s_ House? No, that person, that person who stole my mate is no longer my father, he is my enemy, one that I will defeat in combat. I no longer have a… Father.

The house looks deserted – there should be guards, and inside – the lights should be on – instead, all I perceive is darkness. Are they really here, or the logs have been faked to make me believe they are here and instead – he may have taken my beloved somewhere else?

Doubt creeps into my mind and I just want to scream!!! In case I am now being watched, nothing of what I feel reflects upon my face. Nothing at all. I am a Vulcan, after all – although I do not know for how much longer I will still continue to… _be._

I charge the disruptor gun. There is no one guarding the imposing iron gate, but I blow it to pieces anyway. I have a mini-tricorder with me and I take a few readings – yes, there are two Vulcan life-signs inside, one Vulcan and one Human – why only two? There should be plenty of people inside. Anyway, it is good that there is no one else. I will avoid harming innocent people. I will only hurt the one who stole my mate. The one who challenged me. The one who declared the Kalifee to me – like in the old days, when one’s mate was earned in combat. Kalifee. I am about to engage in Kalifee against – against my own Father!!! NO – he no longer is my Father.

The front door is closed.

It does not matter – I aim at the console near it and I shatter it to pieces. After which, I smash the door open with one powerful strike.

The smell of the house, wonderfully familiar, suddenly overwhelms me – the beautiful house where I spent so much time, where so many memories were created – the house where my Mother – my Father – NO, no such thoughts.

Not a single other moment of weakness! I can sense Leonard’s smell: fear, terror, he feels trapped – I will get you out of here, my love, my beloved, my beloved.

“Sarek of Vulcan!!” – I speak loudly, and my voice reverberates through the house.

No answer. I must find him. I will make him understand that he cannot play with me. No one can tell the word _Kalifee_ to me and see the dawn again. It unleashes mechanisms that are too dangerous to even think of, not to mention… _speak_ of… The _Kalifee_ is the most dangerous of the challenges for a Vulcan – the challenge in which he either lives, or he dies.

I fire a warning shot at the beautiful 300-years-old chandelier which comes crashing down in millions of pieces. There will be no running through here – all the shattered glass will make walking on this corridor fairly impossible.

I continue to scan around. My life-signs tracking device show them to be in a room at the far end of the house, a room which as far as I remember, does not have much furniture, therefore a good room to fight in – he has chosen well. I still wonder how come I do not meet anyone in my path – perhaps he has warned them to stay out of my way – a wise thing to do. Right now, I cannot control my own instincts, and I do not even plan to do so.

I advance towards the room they are in and I slam the doors open – with my foot this time, I do not know where Leonard is in the room and I refrain from firing for the moment, as I do not want to injure him by mistake.

_There they are._

He holds Leonard’s hands in a tight grip, an easy task for any Vulcan, and with his free hand he has covered his mouth – to prevent him from calling for help, that is for sure. Half of Leonard’s body covers his own. I aim at him but it is risky.

“LET GO OF MY MATE!”

He straightens his position, and he advances towards me, dragging Leonard along.

“Why are you here, Spock of Vulcan?” – he asks the ritual question.

“I am here to take my mate back. You took him away from me, you said you would kill him and I will not allow that to happen. You will not see the sun rising again.”

I can see Leonard’s eyes widening up – I can understand how afraid he is.

“Have no fear, my beloved. I will get you out of his hands. Release him!”

“You have come to fight for him; you will have him only after having eliminated your challenger” – he speaks.

Someone else enters the room – I vaguely recognize his assistant, Dasi. He takes Leonard from his hands and moves farther away from us, near a wall, holding him in the same manner, not allowing him to move and to talk – one hand over his mouth. Leonard is struggling, trying to get away, but I do know there is no way for a human to be free of a Vulcan grip. Our strength is superior to theirs – but I vow, in my mind, to break each and every single bone in Dasi’s body, for having touched my mate.

I stand in front of Sarek of Vulcan, my eyes are blood-shot, all I feel is pure anger, unleashed fury and the will to stop at nothing from freeing the man I love from this doomed house.

He is unarmed. I take a moment to look around - there are no other fire-weapons in the room. I aim my disruptor rifle at his heart.

“Shame!” – I hear Dasi’s voice – “To kill an unarmed man! Or has your strength wavered, Spock of Vulcan?”

My reason registers his words. This is a traditional challenge. I will not shoot an unarmed man. I will defeat him with my bare hands.

I launch myself upon him, without any further warning, after having thrown my weapons down and near a wall, where no one can reach them without having to go past me.

We fall down on the floor and I hit him as hard as I can, as hard as he lets me – he is very strong and he defends himself admirably. My enemy is strong, albeit old; this will not be an easy fight, but I will not stop until he lays breathless.

I remember that this is the being who taught me hand-to-hand combat – how will I defeat him? But I also remember there is no force that can stop me from accomplishing my task and releasing my mate from his hands. The thought of him, his presence in his room, his fear which I can feel from where I am – everything is just adding up.

I strike my enemy hard, over his face. Blood is being spilled. As in a flashback, I remember how ten minutes ago he himself had hit my mate, and human blood drops fell over my face. Now I am going to wash that precious blood with the blood of my enemy – blood – bloodbloodblood – I will kill him – Kill Him –

He does not attack me – the coward! Why does he not attack me? Oh, how I will tear him apart! I should offer him to surrender and spare his life, because every Vulcan life is precious and because we should not kill, never, not if we can prevent it – but then – once again I remember how he threw it in my face – the threat of killing my Leonard!!!

Leonard is struggling to break free from his attacker – I cannot help him – I cannot help him in any other way except defeating my challenger.

My hands reach his throat – at last, this is going to end.

“You took my mate away from me” – I tell him, straddling him between my legs – “And threatened to kill him! You will pay with your life for this terrible mistake! No one harms Leonard – he is Mine! And I will protect him at no matter what cost.”

He does not try to remove my hands, as instinct would urge any being. He simply lets me kill him, and I am doing just that. The stray thought passes through my mind – I am about to kill my own Father – yes but he wanted to harm Leonard!!!! Why did he want to harm Leonard, is he insane?? Why does he not defend himself? Why did he challenge me? Why did he simply let me hit him?

A strong hand suddenly takes a fistful of my hair and one arm clenches around my neck – I am being simply pulled away from over my enemy and thrown a few meters away by someone whom I recognize vaguely – someone strong, someone who can defeat me. I land on my back, hitting the marble floor hard.

I shake my head for a moment, trying to distinguish –

KHAN!!!

What is he doing here? What is going on?

I try to stand up, but he arrives near me within 1.5 seconds and he hits me hard, over my face. Then again. And again, and again – and I see white, his strikes are precise, merciless – I do not understand – did he not say he is my Brother and he will always be there for me, no matter what, from now on?

Shock and surprise momentarily shadow my fury at the person who declared Kalifee to me.

He grabs me by my hair, keeping me on my knees, one arm around my neck again, and I am unable to remove myself from his grip.

“Look at what you are doing” – he says, loud and clear, for everyone in the room to hear. “You are about to kill your Own Father.”

“He threatened to kill my mate – “ – I am gasping, but the reality is just that, crude, cold and hideous. Yes, I was about to kill my own father, whom I have loved and worshipped all my life, in front of whom I knelt thousands of times, whose hands I kissed, my Father whom – I adore –

“Yes, he threatened to do just that” – Khan speaks, his hold of me still tight – “because you were dying, your consciousness was fading away, and the Only Thing which was able to bring you back was the will to do anything for Leonard.”

I realize he is speaking the truth. I WAS actually starting to die, incapable to face the thought of being away from Leonard anymore. Then yes – he attacked him and he took him away – in order to awaken my consciousness, to make me come back from the darkness that had overtaken me.

Leonard’s eyes are still widely open in shock, and I am unsure if he is harmed in any way. As reason returns to me, I realize there is no way Father would have actually wanted to harm him – not to mention, take him from me and kill him…

“As for you, Leonard McCoy” – Khan further speaks – “I hope you are now convinced of the feelings this being has for you, of what he is capable to do for you – yes, he WAS going to kill his own Father because he thought you were in mortal danger. Now I will ask you to either acknowledge his feelings and remain near him, or, the minute Dasi releases you, to simply walk out of here and let us be.”

Leonard makes another attempt to break free from the Vulcan’s grip, to no avail.

We all see Father trying to stand up – I want to rush to him but I cannot, Khan holds me still in place.

“Let go of me, he needs help – “

“The Vulcan king needs no help.” – Khan says.

It seems that Khan did stop me in time – but my heart just breaks at the sight – I have broken his nose, there is blood dripping from one of his nostrils, his beautiful white robe is stained, one arm looks broken – who knows what else – oh, what have I done and what was I about to do?

He does stand, beautiful and majestuous, he straightens his robe and I am at a loss of words.

“Release Doctor McCoy, Dasi” – he orders his assistant.

As soon as Leonard is free, I remember Khan has given him the choice of either coming to me, or leave without looking back.

But he just rushes to me, dropping on his knees and wrapping his hands around my neck, pushing Khan aside, who finally lets go of me.

“Spock. Spock. Spock – “ – Leonard says with tears flowing down his cheeks – he kisses my face, my lips, wrapping himself around me and sobbing uncontrollably – I have never seen him in such a state.

“Leonard…” – I try to cup his face in order to see if he is injured – “are you alright, my love?”

“Never – I have never – “ – he murmurs incoherently – “I will never again – I promise, I swear, I swear – how couldyouhowcouldyou” – I do not understand what he is saying, but I can feel his emotions, regret, love, shock, adoration – is he mine, mine, finally mine forever??

“Leonard, look at me.” – I tell him. “Will you marry me, Leonard?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will be on holiday next week, without Internet. Next update will be on July 31.


	22. 04:00 – 04:10 (Ten minutes)

A life can change in just a few moments. It can, it really can. In seconds. I have asked Leonard the most important question in the whole world, and I am simply holding my breath until he responds to it. To say that Time has slowed down, it would be an understatement; Time does not exist until Leonard speaks. Life does not exist. I no longer exist.

How did we even end up on the floor of my Father’s house?

Oh yes – I have fought against my own Father because I thought he wanted to take my mate away from me, to harm him. I have come to understand that Father provoked me merely in order to prevent me from slipping away from life – because I was no longer reacting to anything except Leonard, his life, his safety and his love - and Leonard was not doing anything.

By placing Leonard in danger, once more I was pulled from the deepest abyss and urged to do anything, anything in the world, to know he is safe. Anything. I was ready to kill my own Father.

I shudder as the shadow of that memory is haunting me. I push the thought away. Not now. There will be time later for repentance.

Leonard has collapsed on the floor near me, on his knees, having a total breakdown. I hold him in my arms, one arm around his neck, my left hand on his face, I am eager to touch his mind, even though there is no need – I can sense his thoughts, he is mine, finally mine, but he must say the word.

He is scared. No – he is shocked. He is in shock. He has just witnessed a terrible act of violence committed by me, and he has finally understood what I am capable of doing for him. He has realised that no one, ever, has loved him like this, nor will again.

“Yes. Yes… yes.” – he murmurs, leaning against me, holding me in a tight and messy embrace; he no longer cares who is watching – he kisses my lips, my eyelids, he is trembling and I am afraid he is going to lose consciousness. - “Yes. I will marry you. Yes. I cannot lose you. I just can’t.”

The feeling which I experience is similar to that of the Sun rising. My entire being is slowly, progressively, filled with warmth and light. I have never felt something more beautiful, more peaceful – I believe it is called _hope_. The hope that now Leonard will remain near me forever, that no harm will come to him, that I will forever have him! My Leonard, my Leonard!

I kiss his lips reassuringly and I caress his hair and he is shaking violently.

“Hush now, you are safe, I promise… I promise…” – I tell him, even though I know he will not recover from such a shock easily.

Khan’s grip on my hair loosens – I was not even aware of it anymore. Yes, he has held me and kept me from killing Father.

Father! What have I done to him?

I turn my head towards him, but Khan has not completely let me go, just in case I am still possessed by murderous rage – which is not the case, but he cannot know.

Father stands up and straightens his robe which is now stained with blood and dirty – but even so, he looks like a king.

He takes a moment to look at us – at me and Leonard, knelt on his floor. Instinctively, I hold Leonard tighter, as if afraid that someone could take him once more from me, and in the next second I feel ashamed.  Of course no one will take him away now – he said yes – he saidyesesaidyes!!! He is mine!!! MINE!

He comes towards us, slowly, almost cautiously, looking at me all the time, attentive at my reactions, because Kalifee is a terrible and outrageous thing and its effects do not just wash away from one’s consciousness in a mere second.

There are important words which must be told, to conclude the challenge, to delete it from our stream of consciousness, but Sarek of Vulcan manages to surprise me once more.

“Leonard Horatio McCoy” – Father says solemnly. - “Will you take Spock of Vulcan to be your husband, to love him, cherish him, trust him and obey him, until the hour of your death?”

I did not expect this. But so be it. Being married in front of Sarek of Vulcan, an Ambassador, a King and a God – in front of my Father, whom I worship and whom I nearly killed – it is a blessing. Exchanging my vows with Leonard, at my Father’s feet. A blessing I am unworthy of.

“I do.” – Leonard says, his arms around my neck – wrapped tightly; I can sense his determination, his… excitement even! No more doubts. No more second thoughts. He wants to be mine, even though I cannot give him the Vulcan bond he so wishes.

I can finally understand why he was so afraid of committing to me. Leonard has been in a relationship before, a relationship which ended badly, leaving him wounded in more ways than one and making him feel like a failure – in his _husband_ role, but also in his _father_ role. He has never seen his daughter, Joanna, since the divorce.

“Spock of Vulcan…” – Father begins again.

“Yes. I do. I do.” – I rush to say, stopping him mid-sentence.

He lifts one eyebrow at me, indulgent towards my impatience. He knows I can no longer wait, that I have had quite enough, that I must have my beloved, that I must be assured at all levels he is mine. However, he IS Sarek of Vulcan and he still has important lessons to teach me; the current one is about patience.

“You will speak when I am allowing you to” – he warns me, and I know that I must be silent until he utters the entire sentence.

“Yes, Father.” – I murmur, lowering my eyes in submission, but at the same time I hold Leonard tighter in my arms. My fingers are clenched on his shoulders and I am sure I have left marks on his delicate skin.

“Spock of Vulcan” – Father resumes. - “I ask your forgiveness for having challenged you, having hurt your mate, having taken him from you. I surrender and concede to you, the winner of the Kalifee challenge. You have fought honourably.”

He bows his forehead, even though he is standing and I am on my knees. I swallow hard, trying to keep emotions at bay, even though it is difficult.

“I forgive you and I declare the Kalifee over. You have not, even once, hurt me.”

“I could not harm my own child” – he smiles and straightens his back. “Therefore, Spock of Vulcan, do you take this Human by the name of Leonard Horatio McCoy to be your husband, to love and cherish him, protect him and honour him until your last hour?”

“Until death… and beyond. I do. I do.”

“Be blessed then, my children,” – he softly says, and I can see his eyes filling with tears – “and live a life of love and harmony, and never be apart again. I hereby pronounce you married.”

I sense a surge of happiness rising in Leonard’s heart, overwhelming him. He kisses me, laughing and crying at the same time.

“Spock. Spockspock” – he murmurs, without any coherence. - “Spock, my love, my love. I love you. I love you so much.”

I kiss him reassuringly a few times.

“I am sorry I do not have a ring…” – I realize – I had no idea such a thing would happen!

Father removes his wedding ring which he had worn for so many years, to mark his connection with my mother Amanda, and he gives it to me.

“Here, son.”

I know he has given me his most precious possession and Leonard is equally touched. It is the ring which was offered to my Father, by my Mother. What a greater gesture of love and acceptance, what greater blessing?

I receive the ring from him, kissing the hands which offered it to me, and he lets me; I feel so small in front of him, but it is quite normal; I am merely his child, and I will always be.

I take Leonard’s hand and I slide the ring on his finger – so beautiful it looks – so much I love him. So grateful I am. I turn my thoughts for a moment towards the beloved memory of my Mother, Amanda; I wish she could have been here, to witness this moment of happiness and grace.

But now I have a few important things to do, and I must do them without delay.

I kiss Leonard one more time, then I slowly remove my arms from around him, because there are several important things that I need to do. I have done grave mistakes in the last couple of hours and especially in the last hour and it is high time I fixed them. I correct my position so that I face my Father, on my knees in front of him.

"Father, may I speak?" - I ask him, because it is truly so, without his permission I should not be even breathing in front of him.

"You may." -  Father grants me permission - for himself, as well as for me, grave and important words that are to be spoken are more important than the fact that he needs medical attention.

"Father, I have injured you. Nothing, not even the Kalifee challenge, can justify my behaviour. I humbly ask for your forgiveness."

He slowly caresses my face with one finger.

"You are forgiven, my Son. But understand that after this terrible event, which could not be avoided, which has taken place in the presence of so many witnesses, you cannot continue to remain my heir."

"I know, Father. I know." - I say, because it is the truth - no child should ever raise his had upon his Parent, nothing in the world can justify this; of course, it is a statement that goes both ways. No Parent should ever raise his hand to harm his child - and he did not.

I feel, behind me, Khan's shock and astonishment. Yes, Sarek of Vulcan no longer has an heir, but now he has two sons. And who knows, maybe others will follow.

"May I now address your mate?" - Father asks.

"Please, Father."

As any Vulcan, I am possessive of my beloved mate, and others should ask before addressing him directly; a rule I doubt our Human fellows will follow, but Father is Vulcan, one who loves tradition and rules and he follows them to the letter whenever it is possible.

"Doctor McCoy." - he addresses him on an official tone, avoiding calling him Leonard - "Forgive me for scaring you and harming you, for shocking you more times than I myself can count right now. I hope you will be able to understand that everything I have done was for a good reason. I had to save Spock's life and that could not be accomplished without making him believe you were in danger. You do realize I would have never hurt you."

"I thought you said you would kill me."

"I would have never killed you." - Father said, rather disconcerted by Leonard's sharp tone. - "I would have never killed you..."

"Therefore, you lied. I thought Vulcans do not lie."

"I... exaggerated." - he says, with a smile.

"Fine, whatever, now let me see that arm, it looks broken, and I have no medical supplies with me. We should return to the ship."

I smile, because with that _Fine, whatever_ , I recognize my beloved Leonard; if he becomes rude, then he most definitely feels better. I stand up - there is one more person I need to thank.

"Khan... thank you... thank you for everything. I do not know what I would have done if it were not for you."

"You would have done something idiot. Luckily, this is what brothers are for, and I am planning to take my role very seriously."

"Please, do so; I believe my Father is in need of an Heir."

"Who, wait, what? Me? But I will go to prison!"

"No, you will not." - it is Father's turn to speak. - "You have been of great service to me and to Starfleet in the complex operation of catching the true villain, the one who set everything in motion. You were just a tool, someone he used through blackmail; you are not going to pay for things that you were not responsible for."

"My crew..."

"They are all going to be revived, taken care of, given new identities and you will see them soon. I promised I would clean their name, their honour, and I will do exactly that."

I finally stand up, taking Leonard’s beautiful hand into mine - nobody will ever again attempt to separate me from him. Nobody. Never.

He leans on me and it is the sweetest feeling. He trusts me. He is in awe. I nearly killed for him and nobody has ever done such a thing. He loves me.

“Enterprise, this is Sarek of Vulcan. Four to beam up, please.”

As the sweet sensation that accompanies the transporter sequence engulfs me, I cannot help but thinking how many things have happened in just eight standard minutes. Leonard admitted that he loves me. We got married in the presence of my Father. I have grown to know that Leonard will not leave me, not anymore, he is mine now, forever. We may not share the Vulcan marriage bond, but still we are married, which is the equivalent of the Human bond, and for me it is an equally strong one, even if Leonard’s prior experience has been an unfortunate one. I will never harm, cheat on, lie to or do the slightest harm to my beloved Leonard. He is everything to me and I will spend the rest of my life worshipping him.

We rematerialize on the familiar transporter pad of the Enterprise. The controls have been operated by Scotty, I see. As soon as the sequence is complete, he stands up from the console and he rushes to me, jumping straight into my Father’s arms, wrapping himself around his neck.

Such an unusual display of affection??!

Really, the surprises are never-ending, today.

Father smiles and encircles his delicate waist with his left arm – the other one is broken – the memory of the fact makes me cringe all of a sudden, oh the horrors I have made!

“Are you okay? They would not let me beam down, they said you ordered them to keep me under custody until your return? What happened, what happened? Why could I not beam down? You were in grave danger, I sensed it, and everyone here talked of the fact that Spock attacked you!” – he says almost without breathing and without acknowledging my presence.

“Yes, Scotty” – Father explains to him, while stepping down from the transporter pad. “I had something to… well… discuss with my son and we needed to work it out undisturbed.”

“I see Khan has disturbed you quite alright!”

“No tantrums, Mr. Scott, please.” – Father says, putting him down.

It is only then that Scotty gets to see the extent of his injuries, the bruises which have already started to be visible on his cheeks and nose, his broken arm. He turns and gives me a rather deadly look.

“You! You did this? It was you who hurt him??”

“Scotty…” – Father says warningly, trying to distract his attention.

I can also sense my friend’s hostile intentions towards me, although I have yet to understand their more profound reason.

“Yes, unfortunately I have done this” – I answer with honesty.

His eyes narrow, and he takes one step closer to me.

“Next time you raise your hand to harm him in any way, you will answer to me” – my young friend says, and without any warning, without me even seeing it, he hits me hard over my face with the back of his hand – and I see white for a moment, while everyone else is completely stunned, astonished.

Then, it dawns on me.

I have hurt his mate. Of course he is enraged. Of course he has all the right in the world to hurt me.

 


	23. 04:10 – 05:00 AM

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You love me – this is what gives meaning and purpose to my life, because without you, oh, without you, my love, my love, my life, there is nothing but emptiness.

“Forgive me.” – I tell Mr. Scott, while Leonard himself is preparing to throw a hissy fit at him. No more fights, I wish, I wish. We need to reach that point when harmony is re-established.

Sarek takes his small hand into his, pulling him aside.

“Enough now, Scotty.”

Scotty immediately steps aside and I take a deep breath. But in the next second, the doors of the transporter room flip open and Jim rushes in, out of breath, his hair in disorder, dead-tired, with drops of sweat on his forehead.

“Am…bassador… Bones… Spock… is it… over?” – he said, placing his hands on his knees and struggling to regain his breath.

“Whoa, calm down kid!” – Leonard said, immediately slipping into his CMO mode and wrapping one arm around his shoulders, taking him to a chair. - “What the hell did you do, ran a marathon on the halls of the ship?”

“Well, while you guys fight, or whatever, someone has to run this ship!” – he says, and I do detect reproach in his voice. - “There is a large broken conduit in Engineering, we are on orbit around Earth, a security team consisting in Vulcans and Humans is standing by to take Admiral Mar – I mean, Nero’s brother into custody on the planet’s surface, and – and – “

“We are back together now, the four of us, and we shall make everything work, with the little energy we have left” – I speak on a reassuring tone.

We have neglected our duties for personal matters and this is unforgivable. We are still Starfleet Officers and even though either of us has had any sleep in the last twenty-three hours and ten minutes, the crisis we have been through is not over yet and we need to do our best to help our Captain conclude everything.

“Thanks.” – Jim says smiling warmly, but as always, I can read his true emotions easily. There is a trace of sadness in his consciousness. He knows. He knows he lost me forever and it hurts.

I hope that time, Time which washes away everything and sets things in their rightful places, will soothe his noble heart and I will still be able to keep his friendship. As these thoughts traverse my mind, suddenly Jim stands up and gathers me in his arms, holding me tight – I believe it is the first time we are embracing! – it is a most unusual feeling.

“I am so happy you could finally make him understand” – he murmurs to my ear. – “I was about to smash his head onto something.”

I must confess I did not quite expect such a statement.

“I love you, Spock. I always will” – he then says, and I am unable to utter a single word. – “And I will never give up this feeling – it is my most precious treasure. Loving a being like you is a privilege. Not a burden.”

“Jim…” – I try to speak, unwrapping him from around myself, to see his eyes.

“And I will never give up our friendship. Not with you, and not with the other two members of our quartet.  We are bound by something which, I believe, is stronger than a Vulcan Bond.”

“You are right, Jim.” – I smile. – “While the Vulcan Bonds are beautiful and powerful, there are connections between individuals which are equally powerful.”

“Perhaps we should then include another person in our group, thus evolving to a quintet” – Jim directs a smile towards Khan, who merely raises a brow at him.

“I am gratified to know you have decided to leave me aside” – Father smirks, making Jim blush violently.

“I… Ambassador… did not mean to imply…”

But Father starts to laugh, and it is a most unusual sight to see him so serene after the horrifying episode we just lived an hour ago – and somehow, it fills my heart with joy.

“Come on, son, make the official announcement.” – he orders me, and I gladly take Leonard’s hand.

Leonard suddenly becomes nervous and a wonderful shade of red colours his cheeks. I hold his hand tighter, and I have never felt more pride, not even when I was admitted to Starfleet Academy, nor when I refused to be a member of the VSA, never in my whole life. 

"My dear Father, Brother and friends" - I begin - "it is my great privilege and honour to announce you that Leonard McCoy and myself have gotten married. It was my greatest desire to be able to give him the Vulcan marriage Bond, but due to the exceptional events you are all aware of, unfortunately I have exhausted all my mental energy, that which is necessary to create Bonds, and I can never give any Bond to any other being. However, there are ties which are equally strong, and I believe that Terran marriage vows are equally important and strong. Earlier on, at my Father's house and in his presence, as well as in the presence of my Brother Khan, I vowed to love and cherish Leonard until the hour of our death. Therefore..." - I take a deep breath, and I suddenly feel nervous - "this is my husband."

It was quite a long speech, but I really want my friends to know everything that happened, for them to accept us in our new roles. 

"Congratulations, Bones!" - Jim suddenly exclaims, having once more become his normal joyful self - "So, it was you all along!"

"Thank you, Jimmy-boy... I was... uh... not aware of the... fact that you also love him."

"Everybody loves him, he's gorgeous, inside and out" - he says laughingly. - "You lucky devil. Tomorrow we are all off-duty and I will throw a wild party. Wish we could have had a bachelor party as well... wait, are these two Bonded yet?" - he suddenly straightens and turns towards Father and Mr. Scott.

"W...what?" - Mr. Scott murmurs, rather lost, and he clings on to Father's hand even tighter.

By his reaction, I can deduce that probably my Father and himself have had some kind of a Romantic overture, they are in the incipient phase of courting and there have been no discussions about a future together, or about a Bond. 

"Not yet." - Father says decidedly.

"Not... yet?" - Scotty manages to say, stressing the last word. - "You mean... you mean... you want? Want?"

He makes little sense, but we all understand. Leonard leans lovingly on my shoulder and we all wait for the suite with impatience (when have I become such a gossip?)

"Of course I want, Mr. Scott. Did you not know that once you kiss a Vulcan, a Bond follows?"

Therefore, there has been at least a kiss. He blushes violently.

"A Bond? You mean... THE Bond?"

Father smiles at his innocence and gathers him in his arms.

"Of course, Scotty, THE Bond" - he mimics the way he had stressed the definite article. - "The one which you rightfully deserve."

I know it was his greatest desire. I remember our discussion from this morning, when he offered his assistance to me for my Ponn Farr - having mentioned that he would have done it without wishing for a Bond, but I knew that deep within, he did wish for it. All Humans wish to have a Vulcan Bond - they dream of them, meditate, fantasize, weave stories around the concept of Bonding. He loved me, and he loves my Father now, and of course he wishes for a - 

But suddenly, Mr. Scott simply loses consciousness. Luckily my Father's arm supports him. 

"Whoa now, crazy!" - Leonard exclaims and he rushes to him. - "What in the hell has gotten into you now?"

Father just smiles as Leonard lays Scotty down on the floor and he runs a few scans.

"I believe that the piece of news was what you, Humans, call...  _too much_."

"You bet your pointy ears it was too much!" - Leonard yells at him - oh, how I love and adore him!

Jim laughs wholeheartedly and Khan is confused. I believe he finds all of us a bit too strange. 

"I believe I may be of some assistance in Engineering, Captain, with your permission." - he says, directing a beautiful smile towards Jim. 

It is obvious for everyone that he does all he can to gain redemption for his former actions and he really wants to become a new, better person. I truly admire him. Jim also seems to admire him. I like the way things are progressing. 

"Right, let's take him to Medbay." - Leonard says, looking at Scotty.

"Would you kindly fix my arm, Doctor, and lend me a dermal regenerator? I will take care of my future mate myself."

"The hell you are, I am still the CMO of this bloody ship." - he snaps at my Father. Did I mention how much I adore him? - "Spock, help your Dad back to the Ambassadorial Quarters. Medbay, this is McCoy" - he then yells into his communicator - "send me an osteoregenerator, a tri-ox compound and an adrenaline solution to Ambassador Sarek's quarters."

I allow Father lean on me heavily - and once again I cringe as I remember how badly I have hurt him.

He easily picks my stray thought through the touch.

"Stop pondering over it, Son. It is over now."

I nod. He is right. We have apologized to each other and we should no longer think of it. 

"Captain" - I address Jim who prepares to head towards Engineering with Khan - "I will be with you as soon as I can."

"No, you will not, Mr. Spock. You will take your husband and go to your quarters and rest. There's been 24 hours since any of us has taken any rest, and you've both been through a lot. Through a bit too much in fact."

"But, Captain, you yourself have not - "

"As of now, you are off-duty, both of you" - he cuts me off. - "You have your orders."

"Yes, Captain." - I reply, according to the regulations and I must confess I cannot wait to be alone with Leonard. 

Leonard is carrying Scotty - which is easy, because Scotty is a rather tiny person - and I am helping Father. We arrive to his quarters and Leonard attempts to lay Scotty down on a small sofa, but Father is pointing towards the bed.

"Put him over there, Leonard, it is where he will be staying for a while."

Leonard looks at him dubiously and I feel like laughing.

"That is slightly too much information than I needed."

"That is because you were thinking of things which, I assure you, have not crossed my mind in the last hours." - Father replies with a smirk.

"In the last ho- you know what, perhaps you should stop talking."

It is a rather unusual for a Human to talk this way with his Father-in-law, but Leonard is capable of anything and if I am not mistaken, I can sense a sweet feeling of affection settling between the two of them. Who else would be able to be bossy with Sarek of Vulcan?

Leonard finished hovering over Scotty. He has applied a tri-ox compound hypospray onto our young friend's neck and left him regain awareness, a process which takes place slowly. He already started breathing better and his eye-lids are fluttering.

Father decided to sit down on the sofa and I roll the sleeve of his robe up, unveiling the broken arm. Leonard comes closer and he prepares the osteoregenerator. 

"Vulcans, I swear!" - Leonard mutters, and I exchange confused looks with Father. What does Leonard mean? Anyway it does not matter, it is long since I have gotten used to his strange expressions, and I have noticed that under a mask of apparent aggressiveness, there is actual warmth and affection. 

"What?" - he suddenly asks me, as he senses my intense gaze.

I cannot take my eyes off him.

Instead of replying, I merely smile - and he smiles back. 

How I love him!

"As my house is rather damaged, I will remain on-board with Scotty until the repairs are done and the cleaning process is finished. Really, Son, did you really have to fire at the glass chandelier in the grand-hall?"

"I, um... apologize. That will take quite a while to clean up."

"I should have you sweep the entire hall!"

"If you want...."

"Hey, enough now. Nobody sweeps nothing. You have attendants, what the hell." - Leonard snaps at him again.

Father decides against speaking, seemingly intimidated by Leonard, and it is the most amusing scene I have seen all day. 

Leonard quietly finishes regenerating his arm and he heals the rests of the wounds. Only a large bruise on his cheek cannot be healed, as it is straight over the meld points - dangerous to use a dermal regenerator - but then again, I have a similar bruise, as Scotty has hit me rather hard - quite an amazing strength in such a small person!

"Mmmmm…" - we can hear Scotty murmuring from over the bed.

Father is suddenly interested. 

"Stay right there, my young friend, I will be with you in a moment."

As Leonard has said earlier - slightly too much information?

Scotty sits up cross-legged on the bed and he gazes through the room. Finally, he seems to figure out where he is. He smiles. He looks at us and he blushes and I find him utterly adorable. 

"Thank you, Leonard, for your care. If it is not too much of a trouble, I will ask both of you to also remain on the ship for a couple of hours more, during which I strongly advise you to take some rest. And I mean REST, Son" - he stresses, as if I were capable of doing anything else (I can barely stand on my feet anymore).

"Yes, Father." - I answer meekly.

"Yes, Father." - Leonard repeats after me, with a giggle, and I do not detect irony, but genuine affection towards him.

Perhaps they will, after all, get along adequately with one another - I can only hope! 

"Off you go, now." - he says, and as we head towards the door, I can see him heading towards the bed and leaning over Scotty, who immediately wraps his arms around his neck...

"Good God!" - Leonard exclaims on the corridor, as we are heading towards my quarters.

"What is it, Leonard?" - I ask, concerned as ever, taking his hand possessively - because now I can, and because he is mine.

"Gah! Scotty. He has such a crush. He is madly in love."

"Yes, he is."

"Well, your pointy-eared dad better treat him right!"

"Leonard, he is planning to give him a Bond. He is not going to have  _an affair_  with him. When Vulcans choose a mate, it is forever."

He stops mid-way on a crowded corridor and he looks straight into my eyes.

"Promise?"

My heart nearly stops!

"I promise, Leonard, my love, I promise..." - and without even realizing, I take his hands, but in the next instant, without caring who can see us, he pushes me against a wall and he kisses me as if there is no tomorrow...

My mind simply stops processing and I no longer register the astonished looks of my fellow officers and subordinates passing by. It is one of those rare moments in life when I do not care what others think or say. All it matters is that Leonard is kissing me, kissingmekissingmekissingme and I want him, I want him now, I could have him right here – no, not here, this is not a good place we must go home Leonard you must start walking towards our quarters –

I do not quite remember how we managed to get to our quarters. I vaguely recollect not having managed to input the access code and Leonard used his medical override, which made both of us laugh uncontrollably. A Vulcan laughing so much? I must really not be myself anymore but then again, I am in love – and I just do not care about anything else.

Leonard lets his passion, lust, and desire wash over him with urgency – he no longer has to hide anything from me, as he knows I am there to stay and I will never hurt or abandon him. Wantwantwant – this is all I can perceive from this mind, through the touch, and next he removes my shirt.

“Why are you wearing my medical shirt, you crazy hobgoblin?” – he asks me while kissing me furiously at the same time and pushing me against a wall

“In MedBay – when I – uh – earlier – I could not find my own – “

“Yeah? Gosh I want you, I want you wo much. Now.”

Finally, we manage to get rid of our clothes, clumsily, because either of us has any patience. Clothes land on the floor and we stumble on them, falling on my meditation mat which is near the bed.

Our lips meet in a crushing kiss – my judgement is completely clouded by the overflow of emotions and I can barely focus on the fact that he IS Human and I must be careful not to hurt him – after all, I have been brutal enough with him during Ponn Farr. Now if he wants something in return, if he wants to have the leading role, I will have no objections. A Vulcan needs a submissive partner during Ponn Farr; but apart from the Time, there is no need for asymmetry in the respective relationship, and I will not ask for Leonard’s submission. What I have taken, I will give as well.

I feel Leonard’s hands all over, caressing my body hungrily, biting and kissing me – it is his turn to leave marks, and I have no objections. I feel his lips on my erect member and I almost skip a breath. I feel so much happiness – because this is not about pleasure, it is about the fact that we are finally together, belonging to one another – that it almost seems unbearable.

Leonard trails a line of kisses from my belly button to my neck, with burning lips; I wrap both my legs around his waist.

“Are you sure?” – he murmurs, hovering with his lips over mine.

“Yes, my love, of course… my body welcomes you.”

He smiles and then I feel him inside me. Once more joined in the most basic way, I close my eyes and, for a moment, I do wonder if this is real or am I really living inside a dream… I hold him tight against me with my arms and legs, not even caring about my own pleasure – the sensation which I am living is that of receiving the vital substance which my body, my soul and my mind yearned for. Leonard is the only person, the only – the only –

My fingers look for his cheek and he lifts his head so that we are able to meld. His mind, despite of not being tied to mine through a Vulcan Bond, welcomes me greedily, engulfing me protectively – his mind is my home. There is so much brightness and so much kindness, and so much… love, that my eyes fill with tears.

“Leonard, my love. My love.”

With my free hand – because I do not want to disengage the meld – I run my finger through his rebel hair, murmuring bits of words – I am not sure in what language – in Standard, in Vulcan, perhaps in French – but he understands me, he smiles and kisses me endlessly, and all I hear in his mind is I love you, I love you, Spock, I love you.

You love me – this is what gives meaning and purpose to my life, because without you, oh, without you, my love, my love, my life, there is nothing but emptiness.

He holds me tighter, as if wanting to convey that nobody will ever be able to separate us again and I am, at this point, absolutely sure that Time has stopped. The seconds no longer pass, they ceased transforming into minutes; this is my perfect moment of bliss and happiness, and nothing even exists anymore, except me and Leonard McCoy, making love on the floor of my quarters, on the Starship Enterprise.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> P.S.1: Before you ask, I do not know the photo source. Somewhere on Tumblr.  
> P.S.2: One more chapter until the end.


	24. Beyond

Today has been a lifetime.

I have lived so much, suffered so much.

So many times I thought I would die.

Today I cried and it was the first time in my entire life that my eyes filled with tears.

Today I kissed Leonard, I held him in my arms, I made love to him, I told him I loved him and I married him.

Today is the day in which Leonard told me he loves me!

When the Computer announced that ‘Time is 0500 hours Standard’ we both started to laugh, then we dived back into our blissful union. Oh, how I love him and how dear and precious he is to me, how I worship him!

Time passes, because no matter the happiness and the heartache, Time never stops. For so many years I have waited for him to love me, and now he is finally here, finally mine and I am kissing him, and I almost cannot believe it. Such happiness!

Somehow, we did manage to get in bed. We are regaining our breath after a mind-shattering love-making session; my fingers are on his face, and our minds are bound together – not by a bond, but by love, trust and desire. Aren’t these the qualities that _make_ a bond, in fact?

“Mmmmm…” – he murmurs. – “You love me?”

“I worship you.” – I tell him, and it is the truth.

“I never thought it was _me_. This morning… I thought… I was almost sure it was Scotty.”

“Noo…. Never. It was always you, my love, always you.”

“I pushed you away so many times.”

“Luckily you will have repaired such offenses by a completely different type of pushing.”

He starts laughing uncontrollably and I am simply melting upon the sound of his laughter. I adore him!

“What will happen now, Spock? With you and me? And Khan? And your dad?”

“We will continue our lives… just as before, but you will move here. And I will spend with you each possible minute of each passing hour, for the rest of my life.”

“Good God, Romantic hobgoblin, God help me!” – he continues to giggle.

“Do you not approve of this plan?”

“I deem this plan appropriate.” – he mimics my serious tone and my accent. – “What will happen to Mr. Scott?”

“That depends if he survives the night.”

“Whaaaaaa?????? What are you talking about?”

“Well, my Father IS quite strong, and he is tiny and fragile and – “

“Whoa now, I don’t need that particular imagery in my head.”

It is my turn to giggle.

“I should go check on them.”

“Leonard, you might intrude, let them be.”

“Intruding is my favourite thing to do!” – he decides, after which he extends one hand towards the nightstand, where our communicators are placed.

I grab his wrist and pull him back to the bed, rolling over him.

“Intrusive human!” – I scold him, after which I proceed to explain to him the meaning of the verb ‘to intrude’ in a very practical way, an explanation he seems to appreciate very much because he promptly gives up his project to disturb my Father and his newly bonded mate from whatever activities they are undergoing.

Yes, life is beautiful and I have never been so happy and so exhausted.

After a while, I get out of the bed; I must look after Leonard's needs and take care of him properly. I want to spoil him, make sure he feels good and comfortable, make him feel all my love and longing. I want him to see and feel he is the most beautiful and most precious thing in my life. My treasure. The love of my life. Everything.

I pick the clothes we have discarded earlier and sort them out, then I start preparing breakfast. I take advantage of the short time he is taking a shower and shaving to change the sheets and recirculate the air in the room, freshening everything. My obsession for cleanliness has returned - a good sign I am becoming myself again. 

"I am using your razor!" - he informs me from the bathroom - he left the door open.

I find that endearing. Sharing my things with Leonard - such intimacy is blissful, I never thought I would live the day... I never thought I would live  **through**  this day. 

"Is this your perfume???"

I do not know what he is referring to, so I go check. 

There is a bottle of Armani perfume on the bathroom table.

"No, that is not mine."

"Whose perfume is it, then? Why is another man's perfume in your bathroom?" - he advances towards me, while glaring at me dangerously.

I believe he is jealous and I find that extraordinary!

I do hit the wall though as I walk backwards and he wraps himself around me, pretending to be upset (I can feel he is not).

"I believe it is Jim's perfume."

"Jim's??? And pray what was Jim doing in your bathroom, hobgoblin mine?"

"Jim lives next door and we share a bathroom, Leonard, I thought you knew that."

He seems to calm down and starts to laugh.

"Oh. Mkay then. I'll forgive you this time."

He is being illogically adorable and I love him more and more which each passing moment!

"Come, you must eat."

He eyes the nicely arranged breakfast table.

"Are you going to make me yummy sandwiches each morning?"

"Affirmative."

He resumes giggling and eats a few sandwiches, while pacing through the room. He is wearing one of my shirts, because his clothes are in his own quarters.

"Perhaps we need larger quarters. And a larger bed?" - he suggests innocently.

"I will take care of all the administrative issues, Leonard, but once we return to duty. Right now, I believe we will be off duty for a while, until the repairs of the ship are finalized and Jim decides what our next assignment will be. Also I need to sort out several issues with my Father and with... with... Khan."

"Yeah, about him..."

"Leonard..."

"No, shut up, listen... I am sorry."

"What are you sorry for?" - I ask with concern.

"He is really a great guy and he's been through a lot of shit. But it looks like he really cares for you and for the bond and for... gosh, I can't believe your Father gave him a filial bond! How crazy is that???"

"I wish you could understand, Leonard, that I could not let him die. He has saved us all. If it were not for him, I would have never lived the moment to have you in my arms."

"Of course you couldn't let him die! That is not the issue here. I am sorry I was just so overly jealous. I thought you had a thing for him, which was reciprocal and stuff."

"A  _thing_  for him? No, Leonard..." - I take his hand into mine - "I only have  _things_  for you, no matter what you humans understand by  _things._ "

"You have very lovely  _things_." - he says biting his lower lip and gazing at me with his pupils slightly dilated.

I believe he has just made a very shameless compliment!

"Thank you... although I am not... sure... what? You mean?" - I am almost stuttering.

"Well, um, want me to show you?" - he inquires, touching my leg with his foot, from my ankle up to my knee.

"I am amenable to the idea..." - but I do not manage to finish the sentence because my communicator buzzes.

I suddenly understand the Humans' compulsion to curse when something interrupts a rather important discussion or activity.

I pick my communicator - oh - Father is calling me.

I straighten, instinctively, as if he were in the room.

"Greetings, Father. Oh. Oh, I see. Of course, Father, we will be right there."

"Mmmmmm?" - Leonard purrs from the table. - "The great king broke a leg?"

"No, he did not. He kindly asked you to offer medical assistance to Scotty. Their bonding was, um... well..."

"Well?" - he raises one eyebrow at me.

"A bit... traditional."

"A bit traditional, hm. Sure. Okay. Let me pick a few tools from MedBay."

"I will go with you."

"Whoa, clingy hobgoblin?"

"Very clingy." - I admit.

After Leonard picks his tools from MedBay, we are heading towards my Father’s quarters and I press the door chime. He opens the door, he is dressed impeccably as usual, in a beautiful white robe with golden geometrical motives.

“Doctor McCoy, Spock, come in.” - he says graciously and steps aside.

Leonard enters cautiously and I think he is very funny. Not the time to forget manners though, so I put one knee down and I reverently kiss my Father’s hand.

“Stand up, Son.” – he says and I detect traces of pride in his voice. The truth is I have…. As Humans put it… _messed up_ a lot and I still have a lot of work to do to make things right with Father.

“So, what is the emergency?” – Leonard asks because Vulcan manners just bore him to tears.

“Yes, Doctor, if you would like to come this way please… my mate is in need of assistance.”

We are heading together to the next room where the large bed is placed. I can see Scotty’s silhouette under the covers.

“Good God, man!” – Leonard exclaims – I would rather he did not make any comments which would be out of place, but then again there is nothing I can do to stop him – he IS Leonard McCoy and he does what he wants. – “Have you been attacked by - ?”

Thankfully, he stopped before uttering colourful metaphors like ‘bat’, ‘werewolf’ and ‘vampire’.

Scotty smiles. His neck is covered in bruises and bite-marks, there is a rather significant wound on his shoulder and his lower lip looks split and bloody.

“Hi.” – he murmurs to Leonard, while my Father and I are standing aside.

“Hello, kid. Just hold still, I am going to regenerate your lips a bit so that you can at least eat, drink and talk.”

Leonard starts working professionally, without talking much. He uses a small dermal regenerator that looks like a lipstick; in a few moments, Scotty is significantly better and he sits up.

“I am sorry but if you don’t mind, lave the rest of the marks alone.”

Leonard turns towards Sarek, who nods.

“If you are sure, Little One, I have nothing against.”

What a sweet endearment! Scotty deserves indeed to be spoiled and cared for. I presume it was a very intense night.

“Okay, so perhaps you could all go to the other room so I could dress?” – he suggests innocently.

We all comply and five minutes later, he joins us, dressed correctly in Starfleet uniform.

Sarek stands up when Scotty enters the room and he takes his hand.

“My children” – he then addresses me and Leonard affectionately – “I would like to present to you my bondmate, Mr. Montgomery Scott.”

Scotty radiates with pride and he blushes, not knowing what to say. It will take a while for him to get used to the Vulcan protocol and meanwhile he is just being his adorable self.

“Congratulations!” – I reply because Leonard has momentarily grown silent – I presume it is the mention of a bond which, it will always make him a bit uncomfortable. – “I welcome you in our family, Mr. Scott, and I will be very happy to – “

I cannot continue the ritual welcoming phrase because he just throws himself in my arms and hugs me tightly.

“I am sorry. I am just so happy – I just – I hope you are too, and we can continue to be friends. I know a lot of shit happened…”

I do look into my Father’s eyes cautiously before returning the embrace, because one does not simply hug a Vulcan’s bondmate just like that – Father smiles and silently grants me permission. I embrace Scotty tightly.

“I am very happy for you, my friend. You deserve to be treated right. I am gratified I did not have the chance to treat you badly.”

He laughs serenely and removes himself from my arms.

“Now if you don’t mind, I am hungry!!!” – he exclaims.

I stare at Leonard, who stares back. More than twenty-four hours passed since we last ate something. In fact, I believe that our only meal has been the one which we have taken in the cafeteria, one day ago.

I take my communicator and I text Jim. We are used to share our morning meals and he replies immediately.

“Jim is waiting for us in the cafeteria. Father, I know it is not really according to the protocol, but please, let us all have our breakfast there. It is important for us.”

“With pleasure, Son, provided that your replicator can produce some decent kreyla and yogurt.”

“It can, that is what I eat every day as well.”

We are on our way to the cafeteria together when Leonard squeezes my hand.

“Why don’t you text Khan as well? He should join us.”

“Are you certain? I would not like for his presence to trouble you.”

“Nah. Tell him to come along.”

I text him and we all meet in the cafeteria, our usual table. Jim is, as every morning, the first to arrive, and despite being the Captain, he takes charge of breakfast preparations, carrying large amounts of croissants, coffee, tea, jam, fruit and hamburgers on the table, as well as a large jar filled with Vulcan yogurt and a basket of kreyla bread. He smiles at me. The sadness from his eyes has dissipated.

Before we all sit down, Father resumes the formal presentations, introducing Scotty as his bondmate, and everyone else congratulates them. Only Khan frowns, and I can sense his thought patterns through the bond, thinking that perhaps Mr. Scott is rather ‘tiny’ to be able to endure a full display of Vulcan passion.

I am so happy to be here, with these people. I take Leonard’s hand, preventing him from eating properly and the emotion I experience is almost suffocating. To be here, and to hold Leonard’s hand in mine! Leonard – my husband!

Twenty-four hours ago, I only had the prospect of death laying ahead of me; now, I have a husband, the one that I adore, a brother, and the rest of my family around me.

“Are we on orbit around Earth, Captain?” – I inquire – to my deep shame, I have absolutely no idea where we are.

“Oh, my, Mr. Spock!” – he smiles. – “Yes, we are. A security squad has already taken Admiral Marcus from here, and onto a special facility where he will be waiting for his trial.”

“I see. When is it going to take place?”

“Rather soon…” – Father replies. – “I will conduct the first interrogatory myself.”

I am not sure why, but I suddenly get goose-bumps. I do not want to even think how an interrogatory conducted by Sarek of Vulcan unfolds.

“What will his punishment be, Father?”

“For crimes against mankind and conspiracy to genocide? I am not even sure an appropriate punishment exists. I will meditate upon the problem. Life in prison most certainly, probably in a low gravity environment. Romulans are notorious for attempting to commit suicide when imprisoned and I will not have that happen.”

“Any chance of shore-leave, Captain?” – I inquire. – “I need to take my husband in a… chocolate moon.”

“A-what?” – all eyes turn on me.

“I think he means a honey-moon.” – Leonard starts to laugh and he leans his forehead onto my shoulder, sweetly.

“I wanted to suggest a honey-moon, but since Leonard is allergic to honey I thought it would be a good idea to replace it with chocolate?” – I suggest innocently.

Serene laughs fill the room.

“And pray how do you know I am allergic to honey???” – Leonard suddenly inquires.

“I know all your medical record by heart.”

“If I am not mistaken, it is classified!”

“I – um – “

“Yes???”

“Well, I am the First Officer and… well, andandand – I thought it was better to know your record, as well as the Captain’s and Mr. Scott’s as well, to better take care of you.” – I explain, blushing.

“You will be forgiven only if you promise to learn by heart Mr. Khan’s record as well. That should be an appropriate punishment” – Jim giggles – “considering he is 336 years old.”

“Lots of pages, yes.” – Khan also joins in.

Jim gazes at him with warm eyes.

Khan refills his cup of coffee.

I see Jim’s cheeks slightly colouring.

Scotty cuddles closer to Sarek of Vulcan and they smile to each another.

Leonard twines his fingers with mine and asks about the effects of chocolate upon Vulcan physiology. Is it true that…? Or is it just a legend? And when are we going into that chocolate honeymoon?

The laughter and murmur fills not only the room but also my heart with joy.

At the end of a deep period of struggle, waiting, pain and crying, I have found my beloved waiting for me. I could tell him how I felt, I could make him feel my love, my hunger for him, my adoration; at the end of the day, Leonard was there.

I hold his hand into mine tenderly, lovingly, not actually listening to the discussions around the breakfast table anymore.

Our future awaits, Leonard, my love, my love, my beloved, my light and the love of my life. Let us go in together!

 

Let us go in together,  
And still your fingers on your lips, I pray.  
The time is out of joint—O cursed spite,  
That ever I was born to set it right!  
Nay, come, let's go together.

 (Hamlet, Act 1, scene 5)

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading "Today Has Been A Lifetime".

**Author's Note:**

> Story by AnJoan Grey  
> anjoangrey@gmail.com  
> Feedback from readers is a fanfiction author's only treasure. Be generous and drop a word. It will be much appreciated.


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